Why do people do this?

[Sony12]

Probably one of the most outgoing and conversational ladies I ever met off the apps was someone that I was in bed with probably about ten minutes after we met for the first time. People use these apps for all different types of reasons and sex and naughty talk is often one of them.

If people aren't into having sex right away and don't find dirty talk appealing they need to find like minded individuals to go on dates with. Simple as that.

[Alpacalia]

5 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Probably one of the most outgoing and conversational ladies I ever met off the apps was someone that I was in bed with probably about ten minutes after we met for the first time. People use these apps for all different types of reasons and sex and naughty talk is often one of them.

If people aren't into having sex right away and don't find dirty talk appealing they need to find like minded individuals to go on dates with. Simple as that.

Except OP and these woman aren't talking sexual with each other....

They're talking about having sex with other men.

If that turns you on, great. For the OP, it doesn't.

[Sony12]

24 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Except OP and these woman aren't talking sexual with each other....

They're talking about having sex with other men.

If that turns you on, great. For the OP, it doesn't.

As I have said in the past the sooner people begin talking about sex with you generally means the sooner they will be interested in having sex with you if you excite them. 

[Gaeta]

OP: I am with you on this. I am far from being a prude and I did have sex pretty early at times when I was dating but I would NEVER entertain someone with those details on a first date or a 10th date. Like they say: you will kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your lady. Finding our someone can be a challenge but when you'll meet her, because you will, she will have been worth the trouble. 

Edited May 16, 2024 by Gaeta

[Alpacalia]

13 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

As I have said in the past the sooner people begin talking about sex with you generally means the sooner they will be interested in having sex with you if you excite them. 

I take it OP is not just interested in having sex, and for him, hearing about other people's sexual exploits during the initial stages of getting to know someone is off-putting.

For you, I know you are enjoying casual sex with various women, but OP is not you. OP is looking for something more substantial, and for him, it is important to get to know someone without the cloud of their sexual past hanging over them.

Even if he is just looking for casual sex, he obviously  feels uncomfortable about launching into intimate details with people he has just met. It's just not his style.

I'm not sure foreplay includes talking about how other men have ejaculated inside you, or what size their penises were, or how willing you are to let another, boink you, but some people may find this approach exciting - it gets them hot and they think it will propel something along. That's not his cup of tea.

[Sony12]

10 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I take it OP is not just interested in having sex, and for him, hearing about other people's sexual exploits during the initial stages of getting to know someone is off-putting.

For you, I know you are enjoying casual sex with various women, but OP is not you. OP is looking for something more substantial, and for him, it is important to get to know someone without the cloud of their sexual past hanging over them.

Even if he is just looking for casual sex, he obviously  feels uncomfortable about launching into intimate details with people he has just met. It's just not his style.

I'm not sure foreplay includes talking about how other men have ejaculated inside you, or what size their penises were, or how willing you are to let another, boink you, but some people may find this approach exciting - it gets them hot and they think it will propel something along. That's not his cup of tea.

I agree. But if that is the case the OP needs to start doing a better job deciding who he is going to meet or begin talking to. In general you can usually tell when someone is going to be interested in casual sex or extremely early sex before you even meet them. Often times just by how they present themselves from their profile, pics, and opening few messages to you.

Edited May 16, 2024 by Sony12

[Alpacalia]

14 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

I agree. But if that is the case the OP needs to start doing a better job deciding who he is going to meet or begin talking to. In general you can usually tell when someone is going to be interested in casual sex or extremely early sex before you even meet them. Often times just by how they present themselves from their profile, pics, and opening few messages to you.

Well, you turned it on him, that he's boring, which was a bit harsh. Maybe he talked to these women beforehand and they gave no inkling that they were so exhibitionistic with their random stories.

He talked to them for about two seconds to say "hi" and they replied with a whole monologue telling him this stuff? Highly doubtful.

Well, in the case he mentioned, they were the ones who volunteered it, without any prior conversation on his part.

It sounds more like the coffee house girl is bragging. Like how guys like to brag about how much they can bench press or something and feel like hot sex robots. People brag all the time.

[Gaeta]

17 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

In general you can usually tell when someone is going to be interested in casual sex or extremely early sex before you even meet them.

Yes and no. 

Players adapt themselves to their prey to get that first date. Then face to face you see their game. I would have saved myself a huge amount of time if I could have guessed beforehand which one would have an inappropriate behavior with me. 

Edited May 16, 2024 by Gaeta

[Sony12]

3 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Well, you turned it on him, that he's boring, which was a bit harsh. Maybe he talked to these women beforehand and they gave no inkling that they were so exhibitionistic with their random stories.

He talked to them for about two seconds to say "hi" and they replied with a whole monologue telling him this stuff? Highly doubtful.

Well, in the case he mentioned, they were the ones who volunteered it, without any prior conversation on his part.

It sounds more like the coffee house girl is bragging. Like how guys like to brag about how much they can bench press or something and feel like hot sex robots. People brag all the time.

Well one thing the OP hasn't indicated is what kind of apps he is using and what age these women are. Many of these gals do provide pretty provocative material to look at so is he still trying to talk to the hot women even though he doesn't like the way some of these hot women with high libidos act?

[Alpacalia]

21 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Well one thing the OP hasn't indicated is what kind of apps he is using and what age these women are. Many of these gals do provide pretty provocative material to look at so is he still trying to talk to the hot women even though he doesn't like the way some of these hot women with high libidos act?

I dunno.

I met someone once by random, not via a dating app, and we connected...There was no talk of prior conquests...Just two people caught up in eachother that found the other high attractive. ;

[Sony12]

17 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I dunno.

I met someone once by random, not via a dating app, and we connected...There was no talk of prior conquests...Just two people caught up in eachother that found the other high attractive. ;

And that can happen. The OP mentioned that he met someone at a Starbucks once and they exchanged numbers. If the OP is getting numbers at random coffee shops he shouldn't be surprised if some of those women seem to give their numbers out to lots of men. And likewise they could equally assume he is going around coffee shops trying to get women's numbers.

[Gaeta]

OP's last thread, about 2 weeks ago, was about meeting a fwb. He should clarify if this is still his goal. If yes then yes he will come across women that sex is put on the table on a first date. 

[FredEire]

5 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

And that can happen. The OP mentioned that he met someone at a Starbucks once and they exchanged numbers. If the OP is getting numbers at random coffee shops he shouldn't be surprised if some of those women seem to give their numbers out to lots of men. And likewise they could equally assume he is going around coffee shops trying to get women's numbers.

Yeah, I think there's a degree of "to each their own here", but I don't really view OP as being judgy about casual sex necessarily. I've had plenty of flings, but I understand where he's coming from. One might know it's fairly likely the girl they're with is sleeping around but you can keep that stuff to yourself. If I get asked about something directly I'll be honest but just coming out and saying on a first date "so this other person I'm sleeping with..." seems unnecessarily sleazy.

 

Edited May 16, 2024 by FredEire

[Alpacalia]

17 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

And that can happen. The OP mentioned that he met someone at a Starbucks once and they exchanged numbers. If the OP is getting numbers at random coffee shops he shouldn't be surprised if some of those women seem to give their numbers out to lots of men. And likewise they could equally assume he is going around coffee shops trying to get women's numbers.

That's not necessarily true. Maybe the woman was so enthralled with the OP that she ventured out of her comfort zone and gave him her number. 

[Sony12]

16 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Yeah, I think there's a degree of "to each their own here", but I don't really view OP as being judgy about casual sex necessarily. I've had plenty of flings, but I understand where he's coming from. One might know it's fairly likely the girl they're with is sleeping around but you can keep that stuff to yourself. If I get asked about something directly I'll be honest but just coming out and saying on a first date "so this other person I'm sleeping with..." seems unnecessarily sleazy.

 

As Gaeta said the OP started a thread a little over a week ago about FWB's. If he's talking to women about potential FWB situations they clearly aren't going to be real proper with him at times. 

Sounds like the OP might be trying to embark on something he's not real comfortable with. 

[FredEire]

12 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

As Gaeta said the OP started a thread a little over a week ago about FWB's. If he's talking to women about potential FWB situations they clearly aren't going to be real proper with him at times. 

Sounds like the OP might be trying to embark on something he's not real comfortable with. 

I don't know, as I said I totally get it. I'm open to casual dating as well but don't really want to know whatever else the girl's got going on. If she's there that night to see me it's off putting and not really something I want to know all about.

[Sony12]

10 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I don't know, as I said I totally get it. I'm open to casual dating as well but don't really want to know whatever else the girl's got going on. If she's there that night to see me it's off putting and not really something I want to know all about.

That's fair. I personally though prefer to have an idea of what is going on so I know what I might be getting myself into. If the gals behavior seems just a little too risky sometimes I will just fool around with them a bit but not have intercourse with them. And if it seems extremely risky I won't do anything with them at all.

[FredEire]

31 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

That's fair. I personally though prefer to have an idea of what is going on so I know what I might be getting myself into. If the gals behavior seems just a little too risky sometimes I will just fool around with them a bit but not have intercourse with them. And if it seems extremely risky I won't do anything with them at all.

Sure. There's a difference between "I just want something casual/not serious..." and "so this guy was clapping my cheeks last week..." though haha. I'd assume the second line might be the reality from the first but it's a much less crude and off-putting way to communicate.

Edited May 16, 2024 by FredEire

[Alpacalia]

39 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Sure. There's a difference between "I just want something casual/not serious..." and "so this guy was clapping my cheeks last week..." though haha. I'd assume the second line might be the reality from the first but it's a much less crude and off-putting way to communicate.

😂👍

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

Sure. There's a difference between "I just want something casual/not serious..." and "so this guy was clapping my cheeks last week..." though haha. I'd assume the second line might be the reality from the first but it's a much less crude and off-putting way to communicate.

True. If the OP isn't exaggerating I do wonder the age of some of these gals as that is something he hasn't disclosed. 

Edited May 16, 2024 by Sony12

[smackie9]

I totally get it...if a guy starts in about boinkin the next door neighbor or how his sex was last week with a trapeze artist...well that's just ew too. Dating really hasn't changed all that much TBH from decades ago. Dating sucked back then too, maybe at a slower pace with less exposure to the jerks/freaks/thick headed dimwits. You have to work through loads of crap to find a gold nugget. Sad but true. It's a dirty job but we all had to do it. 

[GNRFan]

There are some really awesome replies to my thread, some in my opinion not so awesome. Just because I am looking for something casual doesn't mean that myself or the other party or parties involved have to talk trashy. It is ok to have something casual and keep it classy. In my opinion it is ok to talk about sex in context and generality within keeping within the confines of proper social accumen. 

The problem is this has not been the case in what I am encountering. Is my picker off? Possibly. A lot of the conversations I have are pre meeting for the first time. A few times it has happened in person. It is my choice not to like to have to hear about past and current sexual partners so quickly upon meeting someone. I am not judging anyone for what they do in their personal life but some things I don't need to know, especially right away. That is my point. That is my preference. I cannot help what is a turn off for me. 

[GNRFan]

9 hours ago, Sony12 said:

True. If the OP isn't exaggerating I do wonder the age of some of these gals as that is something he hasn't disclosed. 

No one is exaggerating. Either you have have not dated in the past 20 years or your views on dating are severely off kilter imo. Anyway thanks for your input.

[GNRFan]

11 hours ago, Sony12 said:

As Gaeta said the OP started a thread a little over a week ago about FWB's. If he's talking to women about potential FWB situations they clearly aren't going to be real proper with him at times. 

Sounds like the OP might be trying to embark on something he's not real comfortable with. 

It seems like you are the one who is judging people for wanting something casual. You are assuming that women who want physical only should act and convey themselves as less than ladylike. Tell us, who hurt you?? I am old enough to know what I am and what I am not comfortable with, hence the thread.

[basil67]

It's 100% your prerogative to be turned off by whatever you want.  And within bounds of the law, it's 100% another person's right to say what they want.   We may not always like the way another speaks or conducts themselves, but really, all we can do is choose to not have contact with them