Lost interest?

[basil67]

17 minutes ago, basil67 said:

A burp on a pub crawl is normal.  Torn jeans on a pub crawl is normal.   What I want to know is who offended the other first.  Because I reckon that either your comment on her burp or her comment on your ripped jeans was payback for the original insult.

Meanwhile, stop paying so much money for a woman you barely know!  This is not the first time I've said this and I can't understand why you keep doing it

 

Hang on.....I bet this was all tipsy banter between the two of you and neither of you meant any offense

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, fred123 said:

We were bar hopping for a few hours from pub to pub drinking.

And again I ask… why? Is this really your idea of a beginning of a romance?

I don’t even know what to think anymore. Both of you probably got drunk and said idiotic, offensive stuff to each other. 

 

[Sony12]

7 hours ago, fred123 said:

Yes this happened on my first date. The same girl I took away for a third date on my birthday. 

The date ironically lasted 10 hours. But when I dropped her home and went back to my house I felt pretty s*** cos we had spent 2 weeks prior chatting on the phone a lot and texting.  Funny thing is she used to reach out and call me and even went away for a few days to portugal and called and texted me whilst on vacation. We even planned this first date like 8 days in advance.

So yh the first date went pretty s*** and I should have walked away during the date . Some of her comments weren't nice.

She burped and I said "that's attractive " sarcastically. I felt like she was trying to put me off her because I thought u don't act like that on a first date. 

She didnt buy one round of drink the whole night I spent a lot of money on drinks etc.

Her comment about the fact that she would have taken her wallet out if she had a crush on the guy stung. Don't know why she said that. Then she tried to recover by saying I meant on the second date.  Even on the second date she didn't buy a round.

I guess I didn't have the self confidence to walk away.  I found it interesting though the next day she messaged me and called me but I was asleep. Although she never messaged thanking me for the date and dropping her home.

First of all you are taking girls out drinking. When people drink they often do or say some things they normally wouldn't say. If you are that sensitive about any comments they may or may not make I suggest you stop buying your dates rounds of alcohol. 

As Gebidozo said did she burp in your face. If not why are you making a big deal of it. People do occasionally accidentally do things like that and if she was having multiple drinks of alcohol she would be even more prone to do something like that.

And as others have said why are you spending so much money on them? Are you intentionally trying to get these women drunk in hopes that they will sleep with you? No offense but you sound like you have a lot of work to do on yourself.

[fred123]

5 hours ago, Sony12 said:

First of all you are taking girls out drinking. When people drink they often do or say some things they normally wouldn't say. If you are that sensitive about any comments they may or may not make I suggest you stop buying your dates rounds of alcohol. 

As Gebidozo said did she burp in your face. If not why are you making a big deal of it. People do occasionally accidentally do things like that and if she was having multiple drinks of alcohol she would be even more prone to do something like that.

And as others have said why are you spending so much money on them? Are you intentionally trying to get these women drunk in hopes that they will sleep with you? No offense but you sound like you have a lot of work to do on yourself.

It wasn't banter to me anyways. I wasn't drunk. I felt she was disrespectful the whole night and I didn't have balls to walk away.

Not sure why she agreed to come on a third date away and sleep with me if she was just gonna ghost me

[smackie9]

She must be pretty hot if you are so worried about it.

[FredEire]

27 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

She must be pretty hot if you are so worried about it.

This is probably it. He keeps hanging on because he finds her very physically attractive, and she keeps playing silly games like flirting with another guy in front of him because she knows that she is pretty enough men will put up with it and indulge it.

Clearly she isn't that interested or she wouldn't feel entitled to act that way, and she likes toying with you for the attention. I think you should walk away before you leave yourself in more of a mess.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

This is probably it. He keeps hanging on because he finds her very physically attractive, and she keeps playing silly games like flirting with another guy in front of him because she knows that she is pretty enough men will put up with it and indulge it.

Clearly she isn't that interested or she wouldn't feel entitled to act that way, and she likes toying with you for the attention. I think you should walk away before you leave yourself in more of a mess.

Agree.

He's boxing himself in essentially. He wants sex with her because she's hot and he's buying her drinks and she's on her own mission of flirting with everyone there and gloating about how 'wanted' she is.

Set a higher bar.

You're kind of both using each other in different ways. She knows she can have you without having to give much and is encouraging your jealousy and you're getting yourself in a right state over someone for all the wrong reasons. Keep away from her.

[FredEire]

8 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Agree.

He's boxing himself in essentially. He wants sex with her because she's hot and he's buying her drinks and she's on her own mission of flirting with everyone there and gloating about how 'wanted' she is.

Set a higher bar.

You're kind of both using each other in different ways. She knows she can have you without having to give much and is encouraging your jealousy and you're getting yourself in a right state over someone for all the wrong reasons. Keep away from her.

Yeah. If the whole thing is purely an ego trip on her end (which it seems to be), she'll make it her mission to emotionally ruin you and get high off the power she has over you, then cast you aside when she's done and it gets boring.

In addition if you're sleeping with her and you continue to do this, you'll more than likely get more attached to her thereby increasing her hold on you.

Edited August 11 by FredEire

[fred123]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

Yeah. If the whole thing is purely an ego trip on her end (which it seems to be), she'll make it her mission to emotionally ruin you and get high off the power she has over you, then cast you aside when she's done and it gets boring.

In addition if you're sleeping with her and you continue to do this, you'll more than likely get more attached to her thereby increasing her hold on you.

We slept on my birthday third date trip away

[FredEire]

39 minutes ago, fred123 said:

We slept on my birthday third date trip away

I see in your other thread that she called things off right?

It seems like she got you insecure enough to keep you emotionally hooked, and now you're hurting that it's over and analysing all the things you may have done wrong.

That's probably exactly what she wanted, play around with you a bit, have a bit of a thrill and then leave with her head held high and you feeling devastated.

You may be a bit like myself in that you're particularly attracted to that kind of character, the pretty mysterious girl who acts a bit bizarre and does some questionable stuff that makes something in you want to "win" her over and turn her into a loving girlfriend.

If any of that sounds familiar it's probably your own shaky self-esteem that attracts you to her so much and makes you react so strongly when she acts out, you think that it says something about you and how you weren't good enough for her.

But if the precedent is her acting up and playing games and you rushing to placate her behaviour the power dynamic is already off in the relationship. It works if someone is dating you purely to get to know you and spend time with you, not for a thrill-seek and attention. That might not press your emotional insecurity buttons as much, though.

[Sony12]

6 hours ago, fred123 said:

 

Not sure why she agreed to come on a third date away and sleep with me if she was just gonna ghost me

You were paying for her alcohol.

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, fred123 said:

Not sure why she agreed to come on a third date away and sleep with me if she was just gonna ghost me

If the genders were reversed, would you be surprised? If some guy hooked up with a girl and then would ghost her, would you be wondering why he agreed to sleep with her in the first place? No, you’d probably just say, “Well, he’s a guy. He wanted sex and then he lost interest. Guys do that”.

Well, surprise: women do that too. Not all of them, not all the time, but they do. Some guys assume that if they buy stuff for a girl and she agrees to have sex, that means she now owes them commitment and continuous sexual satisfaction in exchange for monetary compensation. Nope, she doesn’t. She can have sex with the guy simply because she wants to. And then she might want to stop having sex with that guy, regardless of how many things he’s bought for her. 

And though I can understand how such behavior can be considered unappealing (personally, I wouldn’t date a girl who behaves like that), it’s still way more honest and ethical than continuing to sleep with someone and have commitment and a relationship for financial gain. A girl who uses you for sex and then dumps you has much more honor and moral integrity than a girl who fakes feelings in exchange for money.

[Alpacalia]

19 hours ago, fred123 said:

She didnt buy one round of drink the whole night I spent a lot of money on drinks etc.

Her comment about the fact that she would have taken her wallet out if she had a crush on the guy stung. Don't know why she said that. Then she tried to recover by saying I meant on the second date.  Even on the second date she didn't buy a round.

Her comment about the wallet is a test. She is just checking how desperate you were. Since you said you bought her drink whole night, you failed her little test. She thought you would be buying drinks for her, and you did. Also, why did you buy her drinks whole night if you were upset, if you wanted to buy her drinks, then 3-4 drinks was enough, but if you were upset, why did you buy more than 3-4 drinks?

If you prefer to date women who are willing to pay or contribute in some way on the first date, then stop dating them if they are not reciprocating. Sounds like you went on more than one date with this woman.

Edited August 12 by Alpacalia

[Nellea]

Well basically all of this means that she is immature and a bit insecure and playing hard to get.
 

It’s a lot like guys being jerks to women they like because they think they’ll get more attention that way. She needs to grow up. Please don’t give her more attention for this - as she’ll just keep going if you do…

Make it clear to her that this behaviour is irritating and not at all attractive and she needs to be more honest and genuine towards you if she actually wants to be with you. 

If not - the exit is that-a way! 👍😉

[fred123]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Her comment about the wallet is a test. She is just checking how desperate you were. Since you said you bought her drink whole night, you failed her little test. She thought you would be buying drinks for her, and you did. Also, why did you buy her drinks whole night if you were upset, if you wanted to buy her drinks, then 3-4 drinks was enough, but if you were upset, why did you buy more than 3-4 drinks?

If you prefer to date women who are willing to pay or contribute in some way on the first date, then stop dating them if they are not reciprocating. Sounds like you went on more than one date with this woman.

I went on three dates. The other thread talks about my third date. I thought the wallet comment was rude and true. I'm sure she would have bought me a round if she had a crush on me.

Our date lasted quite a few hours so we were drinking in a few places. It was the comment that was off putting that she would pay for men she likes. That hurt I guess

[basil67]

43 minutes ago, fred123 said:

I went on three dates. The other thread talks about my third date. I thought the wallet comment was rude and true. I'm sure she would have bought me a round if she had a crush on me.

Our date lasted quite a few hours so we were drinking in a few places. It was the comment that was off putting that she would pay for men she likes. That hurt I guess

Do you recognise that you're concerned about hurt the caused than the fact that you didn't heed the warning?  

[fred123]

48 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Do you recognise that you're concerned about hurt the caused than the fact that you didn't heed the warning?  

? Don't understand what you mean sorry

[fred123]

All I know is I shouldn't have taken her on a second and third date. Was a mistake. The weekend trip to my birthday I was already going so I asked her to join me

[FredEire]

7 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

If the genders were reversed, would you be surprised? If some guy hooked up with a girl and then would ghost her, would you be wondering why he agreed to sleep with her in the first place? No, you’d probably just say, “Well, he’s a guy. He wanted sex and then he lost interest. Guys do that”.

Well, surprise: women do that too. Not all of them, not all the time, but they do. Some guys assume that if they buy stuff for a girl and she agrees to have sex, that means she now owes them commitment and continuous sexual satisfaction in exchange for monetary compensation. Nope, she doesn’t. She can have sex with the guy simply because she wants to. And then she might want to stop having sex with that guy, regardless of how many things he’s bought for her. 

And though I can understand how such behavior can be considered unappealing (personally, I wouldn’t date a girl who behaves like that), it’s still way more honest and ethical than continuing to sleep with someone and have commitment and a relationship for financial gain. A girl who uses you for sex and then dumps you has much more honor and moral integrity than a girl who fakes feelings in exchange for money.

Yeah, it seems things went about as well as they could have. OP obviously passed enough of her tests that she still wanted to sleep with him, and it wasn't going to be any more than that. There wasn't going to be a happy ever after with this girl.

I wonder if that's what OP is thinking of, or she just made him feel insecure, or a bit of both.

It's hard if maybe you fall for her looks and get infatuated quickly, and then find yourself getting desperate. It's happened to me, it's happened to most guys I think. But as much as you can I think you should try and assess when a girl wants nothing more than a bit of fun, and when she's open to a relationship, and then adjust your expectations accordingly. If a one night stand is what's on the cards it doesn't merit much thought on your end.

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

It's happened to me, it's happened to most guys I think.

Never happened to me. Whenever I liked a girl just because she was hot, I understood that I couldn’t expect anything serious. Because my own liking of her wasn’t serious. These things should always be mutual, or they make no sense.

I still can’t understand why anyone would be infatuated with a girl just because of her looks. It has puzzled me to no end. Actually, none of my friends experienced that either, to my knowledge. I just heard or read about such situations. 

I understand wanting to have sex with such a girl, sure. But become infatuated, trying to have a relationship with someone whose personality you don’t actually like, who is treating you badly, who is generally unpleasant, has an unattractive character, whose values don’t coincide with yours, just because she looks good? Why? How can this even happen?

Don’t get me wrong, I love the physical beauty of women, but this has to go with some basic compatibility in other areas in order to want more than plain sex (and even plain sex would pale in comparison with sex with someone you have real feelings for). 

I have a suspicion that this is some sort of a psychological remnant from the old patriarchal thinking, where it was all about “getting” a woman, like an object, a valuable prize, and the desire to “have” a good-looking woman was mistaken for real attraction, real feelings, real connection. 

 

 

[FredEire]

10 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Never happened to me. Whenever I liked a girl just because she was hot, I understood that I couldn’t expect anything serious. Because my own liking of her wasn’t serious. These things should always be mutual, or they make no sense.

I still can’t understand why anyone would be infatuated with a girl just because of her looks. It has puzzled me to no end. Actually, none of my friends experienced that either, to my knowledge. I just heard or read about such situations. 

I understand wanting to have sex with such a girl, sure. But become infatuated, trying to have a relationship with someone whose personality you don’t actually like, who is treating you badly, who is generally unpleasant, has an unattractive character, whose values don’t coincide with yours, just because she looks good? Why? How can this even happen?

Don’t get me wrong, I love the physical beauty of women, but this has to go with some basic compatibility in other areas in order to want more than plain sex (and even plain sex would pale in comparison with sex with someone you have real feelings for). 

I have a suspicion that this is some sort of a psychological remnant from the old patriarchal thinking, where it was all about “getting” a woman, like an object, a valuable prize, and the desire to “have” a good-looking woman was mistaken for real attraction, real feelings, real connection. 

 

 

I know what you mean about women who look like models but actually like a complete dick otherwise, I don't find that attractive either. But you also meet women who appear funny, interesting, have a twinkle in their eye, but they're attention-seeking drama queens at the same time.

More than some societal construct I think it comes mostly from low self-esteem. If you're a guy who struggles to meet women or women they find attractive this type may be like a moth to a flame, and equally it may serve her because she knows she can toy around with you. I've realised the hard way that the minute someone starts off with out of place rude comments or "tests" it isn't going to be worth the effort.

[fred123]

On 6/22/2024 at 1:53 PM, Gaeta said:

You have a history of doing that and you must know now you can't buy a person's feeling. She's not using you, you are doing this to yourself. 

I would not pay a trip to someone who ignored me 5 days straight.  Cancel the trip. I know you're hoping it's gonna get you sex but it won't and you're gonna be back here complaining about being used.

Question. If a girl ignores you for 4 or 5 days when you have been in constant communication over the last few weeks and u have a date planned next week (weekend trip) what do u do?  You still go anyways? What if she finally replies?

Basically my train if thought is she csnt be into me if a girl doesn't text u for 4/5 days?

[semble]

On 6/22/2024 at 4:29 AM, fred123 said:

Iv spent over 1000 dollars on two dates.

Heck if she blows you off, I'll date you.

 

So what happened with the birthday date? That was over a month ago.

Edited August 15 by semble

[fred123]

51 minutes ago, semble said:

Heck if she blows you off, I'll date you.

 

So what happened with the birthday date? That was over a month ago.

Well she did sleep with me. I posted a new thread after.

She turned up forgetting my actual birthday and didn't bring a card. She told me she made brownies for me the night before but forgot them. Didn't pay for anything that weekend trip. Was a lot.of fun tho. I bought her a soccer jersey with her name on it btw.

She complained to me on the sat night in the club saying "I'm used to men giving me more attention, more affection, putting their hand on my leg etc. Guys tell me to my face they really like me. I shouldn't tell a man what to do or how to act"

This is basically after I spent 500 quid on this weekend and did everything.  After her complaint we ended up have sex an hour later tho. Drunk tho.

I was disrespected by her complaints. Like how dare she

[semble]

You're throwing a lot of money at her to get nothing but a quick lay and ongoing complaints. 
 

Do better.