basil67 Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 Is there a question here? Seems to me like both of you had issues with the other and so it ended 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 2 Author Share Posted August 2 56 minutes ago, basil67 said: Is there a question here? Seems to me like both of you had issues with the other and so it ended I guess the question is. " what does it mean when a girl says if it doesn't work out we can be friends" Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 15 minutes ago, fred123 said: I guess the question is. " what does it mean when a girl says if it doesn't work out we can be friends" Given that you already responded with "if it doesn't work out, we just move on", I think you know exactly what she meant Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 2 Author Share Posted August 2 52 minutes ago, basil67 said: Given that you already responded with "if it doesn't work out, we just move on", I think you know exactly what she meant Yh but why did she mention it? Isn't it weird to mention that on our third date? Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 2 hours ago, fred123 said: I guess the question is. " what does it mean when a girl says if it doesn't work out we can be friends" Usually when they say that after they have already met you it means that they aren't really that into you. And you saying that you would just move on and not bother being friends was pretty rude so that pretty much sealed the deal. I think you need to learn how to communicate with women a little better than you do Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 3 hours ago, fred123 said: I guess the question is. " what does it mean when a girl says if it doesn't work out we can be friends" It usually means that the girl isn’t really interested in you romantically. But apparently, neither is you? Because you replied, “we can just move on”. Personally, I think both phrases are silly, and both indicate lack of genuine romantic feeling. When you really like someone, you don’t talk about what you’d do if it doesn’t work out. You are determined to make it work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 3 hours ago, fred123 said: Yh but why did she mention it? Isn't it weird to mention that on our third date? She mentioned it because it was her thoughts at the time Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 5 hours ago, fred123 said: Yh but why did she mention it? Isn't it weird to mention that on our third date? No weirder than responding in a way that suggests she wasn't someone you'd be friends with. Also depends on the context in which she said it. I'm wondering why, if she was already friend-zoning you on the way to your weekend birthday trip, she then slept with you. Maybe she didn't forget your birthday, maybe that was the gift . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 2 Author Share Posted August 2 3 hours ago, Gebidozo said: It usually means that the girl isn’t really interested in you romantically. But apparently, neither is you? Because you replied, “we can just move on”. Personally, I think both phrases are silly, and both indicate lack of genuine romantic feeling. When you really like someone, you don’t talk about what you’d do if it doesn’t work out. You are determined to make it work. Well the context was we were driving and she asked if I was friends with exes/previous girls iv dated and I said I don't really do friends with exes. She said she does if it ends amicably. I met her on a dating app so I'm there to date. I don't understand why my response was rude? I'm looking to date and if things don't work out we move on. Of course I was hoping we wouldn't end and felt was a weird thing to think about us ending. The birthday gift was sex? I mean that weekend trip cost me £500 and she met my best friend and fiance. I think it's rude she forgot my actual birthday and didn't even get a card or anything. The sex we had twice. She forgot the first time as we were drunk and the second time she was half asleep and said she would have preferred being awake fully. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 2 Author Share Posted August 2 1 hour ago, MsJayne said: No weirder than responding in a way that suggests she wasn't someone you'd be friends with. Also depends on the context in which she said it. I'm wondering why, if she was already friend-zoning you on the way to your weekend birthday trip, she then slept with you. Maybe she didn't forget your birthday, maybe that was the gift . After the weekend trip I reached out multiple times for a 4th date and she was always busy and said she would get back to me. She then ghosted Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 (edited) 3 hours ago, MsJayne said: No weirder than responding in a way that suggests she wasn't someone you'd be friends with. Also depends on the context in which she said it. I'm wondering why, if she was already friend-zoning you on the way to your weekend birthday trip, she then slept with you. Maybe she didn't forget your birthday, maybe that was the gift . Well he did say that they were drinking that night so that probably would have had something to do with it and like you said it was his birthday weekend so she may have felt some sort of obligation to give him a good time In anycase we don't know exactly how the OP defines 'hooking up'. However far it went clearly she didn't have a good time though if she was complaining afterwards about how he wasn't very affectionate. Edited August 2 by Sony12 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 When a girl says that...it means she's not that into you but is willing to use you for the attention you give her. telling her no, pretty much is calling her out on her bs. The sex thing...low self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 12 hours ago, fred123 said: The birthday gift was sex? I mean that weekend trip cost me £500 and she met my best friend and fiance. I think it's rude she forgot my actual birthday and didn't even get a card or anything. You spent 500 quid on a weekend with a woman you barely know??!! That's incredibly foolish on your part. And I feel this isn't the first time I've reprimanded you for spending a lot of money on someone you've only just started dating. Or if you're going to do it, always be aware that the dating may not continue. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 16 hours ago, fred123 said: I don't understand why my response was rude? I'm looking to date and if things don't work out we move on. Of course I was hoping we wouldn't end and felt was a weird thing to think about us ending. I didn’t say “rude”, I said “silly”. Not just about your response, about her statement, too. You barely know each other, nothing has started yet, and you’re talking what will happen if you break up? It is weird. 16 hours ago, fred123 said: The birthday gift was sex? I mean that weekend trip cost me £500 and she met my best friend and fiance. I think it's rude she forgot my actual birthday and didn't even get a card or anything. The sex we had twice. She forgot the first time as we were drunk and the second time she was half asleep and said she would have preferred being awake fully. You spent 500 pounds on a woman you basically don’t know? She only had sex with you when she was drunk or half asleep? I don’t know how exactly you expected this weird adventure to evolve, but now it has ended, and you can start looking for a more fulfilling connection. And please try not to spend so much money on strangers like this in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 Exactly. If you are going to spend that much money for potential sex you might as well just pay for a hooker where you can choose their attractiveness level and have the type of sex you want to have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PT189 Posted August 6 Share Posted August 6 On 8/1/2024 at 10:52 AM, fred123 said: On the way to our third date she said "if we don't work out we can be friends" Call it a night there, there's no point in continuing any further. On 8/1/2024 at 10:52 AM, fred123 said: She forgot my birthday As I pointed out, there was no point in continuing. On 8/1/2024 at 10:52 AM, fred123 said: she complained to me Three dates in, she's complaining. Strike three, and yet you are still giving her precious time. On 8/1/2024 at 10:52 AM, fred123 said: she is used to guys giving her attention and being more physically affectionate and putting their hand on her knee She certainly knows how to make a man feel special. Sorry for the direct advice, but you have to spot the signs early in the dating game. As you can see, by you ignoring the first sign she inevitably got worse. Learn to spot the warning signs early, that way you'll save much time and money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 7 Author Share Posted August 7 On 8/6/2024 at 3:49 PM, PT189 said: Call it a night there, there's no point in continuing any further. As I pointed out, there was no point in continuing. Three dates in, she's complaining. Strike three, and yet you are still giving her precious time. She certainly knows how to make a man feel special. Sorry for the direct advice, but you have to spot the signs early in the dating game. As you can see, by you ignoring the first sign she inevitably got worse. Learn to spot the warning signs early, that way you'll save much time and money. Our third date was a weekend away to thr countryside and a 3 hr drive so I couldnt just call it off then. We had plans and were meeting another couple(my friends) and had date activities planned. I even bought her a soccer jersey with her name on it as we were going to the pub to watch a football match of my team Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 7 Author Share Posted August 7 What is the correct response to when a girl says "if we don't work out I think we can be friends" Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted August 8 Share Posted August 8 28 minutes ago, fred123 said: What is the correct response to when a girl says "if we don't work out I think we can be friends" I’d probably reply, “I’d rather try to work it out with someone who believes it will work out”. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 8 Share Posted August 8 45 minutes ago, fred123 said: What is the correct response to when a girl says "if we don't work out I think we can be friends" The correct response is to verbalise the reaction you have to the comment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 8 Author Share Posted August 8 3 hours ago, basil67 said: The correct response is to verbalise the reaction you have to the comment. What do you mean verbalise the reaction? Also I really liked her and thought she did too. I was a gentleman and planned and treated her to dates. Consistent communication and phone calls. Asked a lot of personal questions to get to know her. I assumed her saying yes to my birthday weekend meant she was into me Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 8 Share Posted August 8 8 minutes ago, fred123 said: What do you mean verbalise the reaction? Also I really liked her and thought she did too. I was a gentleman and planned and treated her to dates. Consistent communication and phone calls. Asked a lot of personal questions to get to know her. I assumed her saying yes to my birthday weekend meant she was into me Sorry, it means "say what you are thinking"....which is what you did Your birthday weekend was only the third time with her - not nearly long enough for her to know if she was into you. Then the weekend away involved so much time together, that it just sped up the 'getting to know you process' and she realised that she didn't feel the right way about you. Don't ask a brand new person you're dating on expensive weekends or dates. Save that till you're actually a couple Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 9 Author Share Posted August 9 22 hours ago, basil67 said: Sorry, it means "say what you are thinking"....which is what you did Your birthday weekend was only the third time with her - not nearly long enough for her to know if she was into you. Then the weekend away involved so much time together, that it just sped up the 'getting to know you process' and she realised that she didn't feel the right way about you. Don't ask a brand new person you're dating on expensive weekends or dates. Save that till you're actually a couple Some girls know by the first or second date. The fact she made that comment on the way to our third date meant that she was already not into me by then? Also why did she forget my actual birthday and not bring anything or pay for anything? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 9 Share Posted August 9 3 hours ago, fred123 said: Some girls know by the first or second date. The fact she made that comment on the way to our third date meant that she was already not into me by then? Also why did she forget my actual birthday and not bring anything or pay for anything? Yes, some girls do know. Some girls don't know. In early dating, it's often a date-by-date proposition. And yes, it's not at all unreasonable that she may still have been on the fence on your third date/weekend away and this was behind her comment about being friends. I can't tell you why she forgot your birthday. As for bringing things or paying, did you present this as "I have booked this vacation for my birthday, do you want to join me?" If so, then it's a gift to her. If you want her to contribute to the cost, you need to discuss the financial arrangements before booking. I can only reiterate that this weekend away and it's costs were your mistake. Don't even think about spending loads of money on a girl before she's your girlfriend. And even then, only pay what you're comfortable losing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 9 Author Share Posted August 9 2 hours ago, basil67 said: Yes, some girls do know. Some girls don't know. In early dating, it's often a date-by-date proposition. And yes, it's not at all unreasonable that she may still have been on the fence on your third date/weekend away and this was behind her comment about being friends. I can't tell you why she forgot your birthday. As for bringing things or paying, did you present this as "I have booked this vacation for my birthday, do you want to join me?" If so, then it's a gift to her. If you want her to contribute to the cost, you need to discuss the financial arrangements before booking. I can only reiterate that this weekend away and it's costs were your mistake. Don't even think about spending loads of money on a girl before she's your girlfriend. And even then, only pay what you're comfortable losing. I did say keep my birthday weekend free and we are going away. I do think if she was into me she would have bought me a card or a drink. She told.me she made me brownies the night before but forgot them Link to post Share on other sites
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