Lost interest?

[Herkamer]

The sad thing is a lot of girls know almost from the get go if they want to date a dude or not when they first meet them. I don't know why you gave her this much attention because it sounds like there may have been problems from when you two first met. Not in the sense that you did anything wrong, but rather she may have been expecting you to treat her more like a queen rather than a date because that's what she liked, the attention, the validation, and the praise. You didn't do that, and she probably felt that the hookup was in your favor rather than hers because it was your birthday and it was about you, not her. Which is why I believe she didn't forget your birthday. She just didn't want to give you anything because she had made up her mind between the 1st and 2nd dates that she was done with you. It's possible that maybe it was over before the 1st date anyway. She did it because she was being nice and thought that MAYBE there was an outside possibility you would surprise her. Overall, I don't think she was into you to begin with.

It sounds gloomy, but let's face it, if you're a normal guy that makes an average income (regardless if it's lower, middle, or higher than normal), that has average looks (again, below, middle, or higher), and may have a positive outlook on life, these women don't want you. And notice how this woman said other guys were so physically affectionate, but yet, what happened to them? What were they like? Did they last as long as you, or longer, or shorter? The fact that she ghosted you means she never had any respect for you, and probably did the same thing to these other men. What I mean by that is she didn't have the decency to say "hey, I'm glad that you had a good birthday, but I don't think this is going to work out. You're a good guy and I hope that you will be happy. But I don't think we will make a good fit. We can still be friends because I like you as a human being, but beyond that, my heart's not in it to take it to the next level." Maybe not word for word, but something to let you know that she's not interested. TBH, she should have made that known in the beginning. There are women who don't do that and it's infuriating.

Outside of telling her you'd move on if it didn't work out and the hookup (avoid that like the plague and have bedroom fun when you're married, and with your wife), there really isn't anything you did wrong. If a woman likes you, you'll know it around the first time you meet her. Having fun at a social event can be a good indicator, especially if she's invested in a conversation with you (body language helps, too). If she isn't talking to you much, don't bother, no matter how attracted you are to her. I have no doubt you have women you're not attracted to and they had shown a ton of interest in you and you did not invest much time with them. Same principle. Any kind of friend talk, you should treat her as such and not initiate anything beyond that. Things can change and potentially turn into a long lasting (and happily meaningful) relationship, but not at that moment in time. In conclusion, if you haven't already, cut this chick loose and let her be on the way out. There might even be another guy she was seeing, or at least likes much more, while you 2 dated. Otherwise, she may not have brought up about being friends.

[basil67]

13 hours ago, fred123 said:

I did say keep my birthday weekend free and we are going away. I do think if she was into me she would have bought me a card or a drink. 

She told.me she made me brownies the night before but forgot them

If having a woman contribute financially is important to you (and yes, I agree it's a reasonable expectation) just observe your first 5 dates or so and see if she ever offers.   If she doesn't offer, move on.  

[fred123]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

If having a woman contribute financially is important to you (and yes, I agree it's a reasonable expectation) just observe your first 5 dates or so and see if she ever offers.   If she doesn't offer, move on.  

It's not that about financial it's about her making an effort for my birthday. Lik3 a card or something. I spent money on a present for her. I dunno feels weird

[fred123]

10 hours ago, Herkamer said:

The sad thing is a lot of girls know almost from the get go if they want to date a dude or not when they first meet them. I don't know why you gave her this much attention because it sounds like there may have been problems from when you two first met. Not in the sense that you did anything wrong, but rather she may have been expecting you to treat her more like a queen rather than a date because that's what she liked, the attention, the validation, and the praise. You didn't do that, and she probably felt that the hookup was in your favor rather than hers because it was your birthday and it was about you, not her. Which is why I believe she didn't forget your birthday. She just didn't want to give you anything because she had made up her mind between the 1st and 2nd dates that she was done with you. It's possible that maybe it was over before the 1st date anyway. She did it because she was being nice and thought that MAYBE there was an outside possibility you would surprise her. Overall, I don't think she was into you to begin with.

It sounds gloomy, but let's face it, if you're a normal guy that makes an average income (regardless if it's lower, middle, or higher than normal), that has average looks (again, below, middle, or higher), and may have a positive outlook on life, these women don't want you. And notice how this woman said other guys were so physically affectionate, but yet, what happened to them? What were they like? Did they last as long as you, or longer, or shorter? The fact that she ghosted you means she never had any respect for you, and probably did the same thing to these other men. What I mean by that is she didn't have the decency to say "hey, I'm glad that you had a good birthday, but I don't think this is going to work out. You're a good guy and I hope that you will be happy. But I don't think we will make a good fit. We can still be friends because I like you as a human being, but beyond that, my heart's not in it to take it to the next level." Maybe not word for word, but something to let you know that she's not interested. TBH, she should have made that known in the beginning. There are women who don't do that and it's infuriating.

Outside of telling her you'd move on if it didn't work out and the hookup (avoid that like the plague and have bedroom fun when you're married, and with your wife), there really isn't anything you did wrong. If a woman likes you, you'll know it around the first time you meet her. Having fun at a social event can be a good indicator, especially if she's invested in a conversation with you (body language helps, too). If she isn't talking to you much, don't bother, no matter how attracted you are to her. I have no doubt you have women you're not attracted to and they had shown a ton of interest in you and you did not invest much time with them. Same principle. Any kind of friend talk, you should treat her as such and not initiate anything beyond that. Things can change and potentially turn into a long lasting (and happily meaningful) relationship, but not at that moment in time. In conclusion, if you haven't already, cut this chick loose and let her be on the way out. There might even be another guy she was seeing, or at least likes much more, while you 2 dated. Otherwise, she may not have brought up about being friends.

I did meet her on a website where I guess I she was expecting to be spoiled. It's weird cos she was calling me back and texting me every day before our date. Even before our date she went abroad for a few days and still called and texted me. So she was into me before our 1st date for sure.

 

[Alpacalia]

This is a bit loonie. I think you dodged a bullet here.

First, she's criticizing you for not being more touchy feely and verbally telling her you liked her EVEN THOUGH you ended up getting physically involved ON THE THIRD DATE. Like seriously, she's mad that you didn't also say, "Golly gee, Susie, you sure are swell!" or whatever corny stuff she likes.

She's also saying you were picky for not wanting to be "friends" if you two didn't work out even though that's a totally normal and healthy boundary for most people to have. It sounds like she just wanted to string you along and get her emotional needs met without putting in any real effort. You deserve better! 

Edited August 10 by Alpacalia

[fred123]

How do you respond when you are buying drinks for a girl and u ask to buy the next round and they say "if I have a crush on a guy I have no problem taking my wallet out"

Also if they burp on the date what does that mean?

What if they flirt and give their instagram to another guy whilst you are at a house party with her. And she keeps turning around to you saying "he likes me and wants to take me out for dinner".

What if you try to kiss her and she says "try again in an hour, il give u an hour to work it"

What if they make u feel.insecure about your ripped jeans you are wearing and say that they would be embarrassed to bump into their friends and next time I csnt wear them

[basil67]

6 hours ago, fred123 said:

It's not that about financial it's about her making an effort for my birthday. Lik3 a card or something. I spent money on a present for her. I dunno feels weird

Fred, she's not seeing you anymore....so it doesn't matter how it felt

[basil67]

5 hours ago, fred123 said:

How do you respond when you are buying drinks for a girl and u ask to buy the next round and they say "if I have a crush on a guy I have no problem taking my wallet out"

It means that if she has a crush on you, she'll buy the next round

5 hours ago, fred123 said:

Also if they burp on the date what does that mean?

She has gas

5 hours ago, fred123 said:

What if they flirt and give their instagram to another guy whilst you are at a house party with her. And she keeps turning around to you saying "he likes me and wants to take me out for dinner".

That she doesn't see you as a boyfriend, but is into this guy she just met

5 hours ago, fred123 said:

What if you try to kiss her and she says "try again in an hour, il give u an hour to work it"

You're rushing it.  And she's playing games

5 hours ago, fred123 said:

What if they make u feel.insecure about your ripped jeans you are wearing and say that they would be embarrassed to bump into their friends and next time I csnt wear them

It means you're looking like a hobo and she's embarrassed to be seen with you

[semble]

You don't respond, you wait for her to buy the next round. Doesn't sound like it's going to happen.

So what if she burps. What an odd question. Are you on medications?

If she's flirting with other guys in your presence she's either not interested or playing stupid games acting hard to get.

Saying try to kiss me again in an hour means she's playing stupid games and isn't worth the effort.

No one can make you feel insecure. That's on you. As far as how you respond, you could tell her it's none of her business how you dress.

 

 

 

[Sony12]

Are these real experiences you've had or just thoughts you are throwing out there?

[BaileyB]

9 hours ago, fred123 said:

Also if they burp on the date what does that mean?

She is rude.
 

9 hours ago, fred123 said:

What if they flirt and give their instagram to another guy whilst you are at a house party with her. And she keeps turning around to you saying "he likes me and wants to take me out for dinner".

She wants to date the other guy. She’s not interested in dating you.
 

9 hours ago, fred123 said:

What if you try to kiss her and she says "try again in an hour, il give u an hour to work it"

She’s playing games. This is not someone that you should choose to date. 
 

9 hours ago, fred123 said:

What if they make u feel.insecure about your ripped jeans you are wearing and say that they would be embarrassed to bump into their friends and next time I can’t wear them

This is not someone that you should choose to date. 

[Gebidozo]

Completely toxic and unattractive person. Why on earth would you want to date such a woman?

[Alpacalia]

Run away and don't look back. 

She is more interested in playing games, seeking attention, and treating you like you're her entertainment. The burping is a random mention. I mean, people burp. It's natural. Alternatively, she could have gas and it slipped out or she's trying to be gross and see your reaction or she's being purposely distasteful.

Edited August 10 by Alpacalia

[semble]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

She is rude.

That's quite the reach there. I'd say it depends on the burp and how it's expressed. If she does an open mouth exhaled breath to emphasize the burp and make it as loud and noticeable as possible, I'd tend to agree. But if it's one of those "I gotta let this gas out of my belly I'll do my best to cover it using my hand and turning to the side and not pushing it out with force" type of things then I'd go with "its a normal bodily function not an indication of their character".

That much being said I maintain the question was just plain WEIRD.

 

[ShyViolet]

She is not interested in you, she is very immature and she's also rude.  Why would you not have the self-confidence to know that these are red flags and to walk away from someone like this?

[BaileyB]

40 minutes ago, semble said:

That's quite the reach there. I'd say it depends on the burp and how it's expressed. If she does an open mouth exhaled breath to emphasize the burp and make it as loud and noticeable as possible, I'd tend to agree. But if it's one of those "I gotta let this gas out of my belly I'll do my best to cover it using my hand and turning to the side and not pushing it out with force" type of things then I'd go with "its a normal bodily function not an indication of their character”.

True enough. We also don’t know whether she said “excuse me” after she burped.

I suppose I assumed that because the question was being asked, it must have been a loud and rude burp which was perhaps, and incorrect assumption.

Edited August 10 by BaileyB

[ShyViolet]

The burp is really the least of the issues here.

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

She is not interested in you, she is very immature and she's also rude.  Why would you not have the self-confidence to know that these are red flags and to walk away from someone like this?

 

I suspect he's not talking about things that actually happened and more asking 'what would you do in this situation'.

[basil67]

I assumed these were hypothetical questions.

Re the burp...... I rarely burp - like maybe once every few years.   But when I do burp, I don't feel it coming and it just launches out and surprises me as much as anyone else.  

But for those who do know a burp is coming, can you hold it in like a fart until there's a better time?   (Honest question regarding whether or not a burp is rude)

[basil67]

18 hours ago, fred123 said:

did meet her on a website where I guess I she was expecting to be spoiled.

What does this mean?  

 

[fred123]

10 hours ago, Sony12 said:

 

I suspect he's not talking about things that actually happened and more asking 'what would you do in this situation'.

Yes this happened on my first date. The same girl I took away for a third date on my birthday. 

The date ironically lasted 10 hours. But when I dropped her home and went back to my house I felt pretty s*** cos we had spent 2 weeks prior chatting on the phone a lot and texting.  Funny thing is she used to reach out and call me and even went away for a few days to portugal and called and texted me whilst on vacation. We even planned this first date like 8 days in advance.

So yh the first date went pretty s*** and I should have walked away during the date . Some of her comments weren't nice.

She burped and I said "that's attractive " sarcastically. I felt like she was trying to put me off her because I thought u don't act like that on a first date. 

She didnt buy one round of drink the whole night I spent a lot of money on drinks etc.

Her comment about the fact that she would have taken her wallet out if she had a crush on the guy stung. Don't know why she said that. Then she tried to recover by saying I meant on the second date.  Even on the second date she didn't buy a round.

I guess I didn't have the self confidence to walk away.  I found it interesting though the next day she messaged me and called me but I was asleep. Although she never messaged thanking me for the date and dropping her home.

[Gebidozo]

29 minutes ago, fred123 said:

She burped and I said "that's attractive " sarcastically.

I don’t understand, did she burp in your face, on purpose, with the intent to insult? Then you should have walked away and never see her again. Or did she just burp accidentally, like most people? Then you shouldn’t have made that comment either.

 

32 minutes ago, fred123 said:

She didnt buy one round of drink the whole night I spent a lot of money on drinks etc.

Why? It’s enough to buy a woman one drink on the first date, just normal gentlemanly behavior. It seems like you’ve been spending tons of money on her for no explicable reason. But don’t blame her for that, it was your decision, wasn’t it?

Anyway, the real dealbreaker here is her flirting with other men, making dates with them, and mocking you for your jeans. These are glaring red flags.

You really need to respect yourself more and start dating women who respect you.

 

[fred123]

6 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I don’t understand, did she burp in your face, on purpose, with the intent to insult? Then you should have walked away and never see her again. Or did she just burp accidentally, like most people? Then you shouldn’t have made that comment either.

 

Why? It’s enough to buy a woman one drink on the first date, just normal gentlemanly behavior. It seems like you’ve been spending tons of money on her for no explicable reason. But don’t blame her for that, it was your decision, wasn’t it?

Anyway, the real dealbreaker here is her flirting with other men, making dates with them, and mocking you for your jeans. These are glaring red flags.

You really need to respect yourself more and start dating women who respect you.

 

We were bar hopping for a few hours from pub to pub drinking.

[semble]

2 hours ago, fred123 said:

Her comment about the fact that she would have taken her wallet out if she had a crush on the guy stung. Don't know why she said that. Then she tried to recover by saying I meant on the second date.  Even on the second date she didn't buy a round.

Dude what does she need to say or do to make it clear she isn't interested in dating you?

I mean she couldn't possibly have been more clear.

At least walk away while you've still got your self respect.

[basil67]

A burp on a pub crawl is normal.  Torn jeans on a pub crawl is normal.   What I want to know is who offended the other first.  Because I reckon that either your comment on her burp or her comment on your ripped jeans was payback for the original insult.

Meanwhile, stop paying so much money for a woman you barely know!  This is not the first time I've said this and I can't understand why you keep doing it