Gaeta Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 7 hours ago, fred123 said: Basically my train if thought is she csnt be into me if a girl doesn't text u for 4/5 days? You're right. Stop spending enormous amounts of money on women you barely know. Do you do that because you're insecure and you think no woman will be interested in you just for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 16 Author Share Posted August 16 22 hours ago, Gaeta said: You're right. Stop spending enormous amounts of money on women you barely know. Do you do that because you're insecure and you think no woman will be interested in you just for you! I guess so. I need to change. Question: what do I do and how should I react when a girl doesn't message me for 4 or 5 days and we have a weekend trip planned the following week? I guess it's no surprise that she didn't message me for 4 days and then on my birthday weekend didn't even buy me a card right? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 She did not message you or you did not message her? Was she ignoring your communication? Or you did not communicate with her to test her? Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 (edited) 1 hour ago, fred123 said: I guess so. I need to change. Question: what do I do and how should I react when a girl doesn't message me for 4 or 5 days and we have a weekend trip planned the following week? I guess it's no surprise that she didn't message me for 4 days and then on my birthday weekend didn't even buy me a card right? Nothing, just leave it and chalk it down, and don't plan birthday weekend trips with girls who aren't interested enough to talk for 4 or 5 days. Edited August 16 by FredEire Link to post Share on other sites
ms.stressed Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 If he wouldn't like it or has disapproved of you doing it to him in the past, he shouldn't do it either. I'd leave. Because, jealousy in a relationship is toxic and can potentially become abusive. I think you're being very mature about this, but if he's expressed concerns over you doing the same thing he's CURRENTLY doing, I'd leave. Because that's messes up and toxic. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 11 hours ago, fred123 said: I guess so. I need to change. Question: what do I do and how should I react when a girl doesn't message me for 4 or 5 days and we have a weekend trip planned the following week? I guess it's no surprise that she didn't message me for 4 days and then on my birthday weekend didn't even buy me a card right? Don't put yourself in this situation in the first place! Don't invite a woman you barely know on a holiday weekend. Wait till you've got something solid going on 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 (edited) On 8/15/2024 at 12:13 AM, fred123 said: Well she did sleep with me. I posted a new thread after. She turned up forgetting my actual birthday and didn't bring a card. She told me she made brownies for me the night before but forgot them. Didn't pay for anything that weekend trip. Was a lot.of fun tho. I bought her a soccer jersey with her name on it btw. She complained to me on the sat night in the club saying "I'm used to men giving me more attention, more affection, putting their hand on my leg etc. Guys tell me to my face they really like me. I shouldn't tell a man what to do or how to act" This is basically after I spent 500 quid on this weekend and did everything. After her complaint we ended up have sex an hour later tho. Drunk tho. I was disrespected by her complaints. Like how dare she Is this the same woman from your other recent thread? $500 a date, what are you doing 2 dates at a time? I get the impression you're trying to TREAT your way to romantic success. And, she's taking you for a ride! On 6/21/2024 at 6:29 PM, fred123 said: I didn't ask her whether she was physically into me. I said to her I'm not sure there is a physical connection. I feel used for fancy dates. If you're not sure there is a physical connection, then you should end it now and save your money. Edited August 17 by Alpacalia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 (edited) On 8/16/2024 at 6:02 AM, fred123 said: Question: what do I do and how should I react when a girl doesn't message me for 4 or 5 days and we have a weekend trip planned the following week? I guess it's no surprise that she didn't message me for 4 days and then on my birthday weekend didn't even buy me a card right? Agree with basil, you have planned a weekend getaway in much the same way that you would do if she was your long term relationship partner… when in truth, you don’t know this woman, it has only been a few dates. Your expectations are unreasonable. Add to that, the fact that you are throwing money at the woman and essentially, expecting sex. Women are not prostitutes - when you treat them as such, you can’t expect respect in return. Edited August 17 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 On 8/15/2024 at 8:13 AM, fred123 said: Well she did sleep with me. I posted a new thread after. She turned up forgetting my actual birthday and didn't bring a card. She told me she made brownies for me the night before but forgot them. Didn't pay for anything that weekend trip. Was a lot.of fun tho. I bought her a soccer jersey with her name on it btw. She complained to me on the sat night in the club saying "I'm used to men giving me more attention, more affection, putting their hand on my leg etc. Guys tell me to my face they really like me. I shouldn't tell a man what to do or how to act" This is basically after I spent 500 quid on this weekend and did everything. After her complaint we ended up have sex an hour later tho. Drunk tho. I was disrespected by her complaints. Like how dare she This is just crazy, sorry. Spending so much money on someone you barely even know is just asking to be used. If the girl is sensible and a solid person she'll either be put off by the lavish spending or make it clear that you don't have to make such gestures and getting to know eachother is more important. But if you find a girl who's going to indulge your crazy spending she'll do this kind of thing. I think she made those comments to make you feel insecure so you would spend even more on her to prove yourself. I'd venture she even slept with you just to keep you sweet so would continue indulging. So she didn't act great in the whole thing but you invited all this nonsense on yourself by having no self-respect. The message you're putting out is that you're totally desperate and have nothing better to offer than your money. If you put yourself in a weak position don't be surprised when you find women who will use and discard you. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 ^^^ This is exactly it. Well said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 9 minutes ago, FredEire said: If the girl is sensible and a solid person she'll either be put off by the lavish spending or make it clear that you don't have to make such gestures and getting to know each other is more important. It would make me very uncomfortable if a man that I just met spent this kind of money on dates or asked me to go away for the weekend. I doubt that I would pursue the relationship because I would seriously question why he is doing this…. it raises big red flags that there is something off with his judgment, his character/values, and/or his intentions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 This is also exactly why I don't understand why so many men want to be a sugar daddy. If your entire relationship is based on your $$ then you're creating this weird quasi-parental sexual relationship where what you're offering is not you but the spending power you possess. In these scenarios the girl couldn't give a s*** about you and may even resent you, she loves the sense of power and attention she gains from dating you, which she may have been lacking before that. It also puts you in a position where she's essentially able to pull a tantrum or needle your emotions at any time in order to get what she wants. It probably ended because as you described here you got frustrated and disrespected by her behaviour, as you should. But the alternative is that you gravelled and apologised and got another round of cocktails in at your expense. So it's a no-win situation really. The solution is to be a man meeting a woman on a level-playing field, don't play the role of the stand-in daddy for a girl with daddy issues. Maybe you don't feel able to do this at the moment, and that's why you're resorting to this kind of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 17 Author Share Posted August 17 On 8/16/2024 at 1:02 PM, FredEire said: Nothing, just leave it and chalk it down, and don't plan birthday weekend trips with girls who aren't interested enough to talk for 4 or 5 days. No she left me on read for 4 days before I double texted to clarify whether she was still interested in coming for my bdy weekend. Just to make it clear I was wanting to go away to see my friend and his girlfriend and celebrate my bdy there in that city. I paid for a hotel and dinner etc and the flight club (darts) I asked her to come along if she wanted and she said yes. I was just hurt and upset she forgot my bdy and didn't bring anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 33 minutes ago, fred123 said: I asked her to come along if she wanted and she said yes. I was just hurt and upset she forgot my bdy and didn't bring anything. You don't ask a woman to come along on ANYTHING if you only met her twice!! You don't put hope in any woman you only met twice. She did not have to remember your b'day and she certainly did not have to bring you anything after only 2 dates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 33 minutes ago, fred123 said: No she left me on read for 4 days before I double texted to clarify whether she was still interested in coming for my bdy weekend. Just to make it clear I was wanting to go away to see my friend and his girlfriend and celebrate my bdy there in that city. I paid for a hotel and dinner etc and the flight club (darts) I asked her to come along if she wanted and she said yes. I was just hurt and upset she forgot my bdy and didn't bring anything. That's a pretty clear sign she wasn't very interested in you, maybe interested in you treating and entertaining her. A girl you've only been seeing for a few weeks doesn't deserve to be invited to your bday, she has to earn it. In the future I think you have to catch your excitement running away with you and think more rationally. You have to be sure she's worth it before you let her that much into your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 17 Author Share Posted August 17 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You don't ask a woman to come along on ANYTHING if you only met her twice!! You don't put hope in any woman you only met twice. She did not have to remember your b'day and she certainly did not have to bring you anything after only 2 dates. Really? Speaking to my girl mates they all said they would have brought a card and remembered my birthday if they liked me. Lots of stories online about people buying a card for someone in early stages if its their birthday. Ironically I remember speaking to her saying I was lucky it wasn't her birthday cos she would have expected me to do something proper lol Also I did meet her on a app called seeking which probably explains why I took her nice places. I just want to learn to read signals of interest and disinterest and when a woman changed her mind Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 (edited) 28 minutes ago, fred123 said: Really? Speaking to my girl mates they all said they would have brought a card and remembered my birthday if they liked me. My birthday was about two weeks following the day that I met my now husband. I believe we had been on one date. I did not get a card or a gift, he sent me a text wishing me a happy birthday and a good day. I had plans to spend my birthday with my family. Had he asked me on a weekend getaway to celebrate a birthday, I would have RUN. I didn’t know the man, I would not have felt comfortable or safe going away with him at the time. Edited August 17 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 17 minutes ago, fred123 said: Really? Speaking to my girl mates they all said they would have brought a card and remembered my birthday if they liked me. Lots of stories online about people buying a card for someone in early stages if its their birthday. Ironically I remember speaking to her saying I was lucky it wasn't her birthday cos she would have expected me to do something proper lol Also I did meet her on a app called seeking which probably explains why I took her nice places. I just want to learn to read signals of interest and disinterest and when a woman changed her mind I think if she liked you plus had a bit of maturity she would have said "Hey I really appreciate the invite but I think we've just met eachother and it's a bit too soon for that, go and enjoy your birthday with your friends!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 24 minutes ago, fred123 said: Ironically I remember speaking to her saying I was lucky it wasn't her birthday cos she would have expected me to do something proper lol You can’t buy a woman’s affection. Why you don’t understand this after all this time and all these discussions is beyond me… Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 39 minutes ago, fred123 said: Really? Speaking to my girl mates they all said they would have brought a card and remembered my birthday if they liked me. I thought we had already established in this thread she did not like you the way you want her to like you. You assumed she would like you a great deal because you spent a great deal of money on dates with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 44 minutes ago, fred123 said: app called seeking Yuk! Really Fred! You are not at the age to need such an app. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 25 minutes ago, BaileyB said: You can’t buy a woman’s affection. Why you don’t understand this after all this time and all these discussions is beyond me… Thats just another sign of her entitledness as well, she knows you are lavishing her with gifts and free food/drinks and that's what she was in it for. She didn't have feelings for you, so why would she do the same. If you want to know how interested someone is it's usually simple IMO. High interest: A lot of messaging/calls back and forth, asking questions and sending pics/sharing things about her day Will easily make time to meet up and do things together Willing to compromise because she mainly likes spending time with you Will offer to pay for things 50/50 and is as happy with a coffee in a small place as a big fancy dinner When you go on a date she spends a reasonable amount of time with you and doesn't leave straight after the first beer/coffee unless she's legitimately got other commitments that day Will spin things positively rather than complaining about how busy she is etc. Low interest: Leaving you on read/one word texts/ghosting Is always busy and never offers and alternative Has to have her way, won't compromise and will dismiss your ideas because it's not specifically what she wants to do Leaves dates quickly with some lame excuse Always complaining about her life rather than spinning it as better than it is because she wants you to see her in a good light. That's what I've picked up over the years and many good bad and indifferent dates. There's also a middle ground where she may behave interested sometimes and other times not, as this girl probably did, but in my experience she might as well not be interested because at best she may want you for some quick sex and at worst she may have ulterior motives like a guy showering her with money and attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 (edited) 5 hours ago, fred123 said: I just want to learn to read signals of interest and disinterest and when a woman changed her mind When you feel disrespected by her complaints. I mean, she told you "I'm used to men giving me more attention, more affection, putting their hand on my leg etc. Guys tell me to my face they really like me. I shouldn't tell a man what to do or how to act." This is after you shelled out $500! Translation - They gush over her and put her on a pedestal. She's used to this degree of attention, and this is what she expects as 'par for the course' in dating. Based on the above statement, I am now curious if you're guilty of doing any of this as you see her? It sounded like you spoiled the heck out of her the entire weekend in addition to your previous flattery talk of "I'll go anywhere and Ill take you wherever" with her, and even the early event of paying for dinner. It came off as you were being a nice, white knight. Ultimately, you're looking for a manipulative game here. And women who will ruthlessly leverage this to extract offerings and other potential benefits such as dinners, drinks, attention and so on. Edited August 17 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 18 Author Share Posted August 18 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said: When you feel disrespected by her complaints. I mean, she told you "I'm used to men giving me more attention, more affection, putting their hand on my leg etc. Guys tell me to my face they really like me. I shouldn't tell a man what to do or how to act." This is after you shelled out $500! Translation - They gush over her and put her on a pedestal. She's used to this degree of attention, and this is what she expects as 'par for the course' in dating. Based on the above statement, I am now curious if you're guilty of doing any of this as you see her? It sounded like you spoiled the heck out of her the entire weekend in addition to your previous flattery talk of "I'll go anywhere and Ill take you wherever" with her, and even the early event of paying for dinner. It came off as you were being a nice, white knight. Ultimately, you're looking for a manipulative game here. And women who will ruthlessly leverage this to extract offerings and other potential benefits such as dinners, drinks, attention and so on. Sorry what do you mean? Did I give her attention and affection? Is that the question? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted August 18 Author Share Posted August 18 6 hours ago, Gaeta said: I thought we had already established in this thread she did not like you the way you want her to like you. You assumed she would like you a great deal because you spent a great deal of money on dates with her. I think athe beginning she was into me before we met. She would call and text even when she went away on vacation she reached out. She was so trying to impress me with scientific facts too. She was very easy to make a date with as her schedule was wide open for me. Something changed Link to post Share on other sites
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