Lost interest?

[basil67]

4 hours ago, fred123 said:

Maybe I'm struggling to accept how and why things changed and want answers lol.

I'm probably naive in thinking she cared. She seemed excited on text a couple weeks before about the trip. Now come to think about it she said it was "our birthday" she kept saying it .

 

First things first, we never get answers to why someone we barely knew thinks or does what they do, so it's important to learn to let it go.   Of course, it's different if you've been together for years and know them like the back of your hand.  All these question you ask about why she does things?  Sure, we can have fun guessing, but nobody actually knows for sure.

It wasn't just naive to think she cared before asking her on the third date - it was downright foolish!!!   Why?

1. You'd only had two dates - you barely knew each other!  Even girls found on regular sites or socially shouldn't be getting to the point of caring so quickly.  

2. She was ignoring your messages

3. Because you found her on a sugarbaby-esque site.  You gave her luxury dates and she gave you some sex and company.  But even then, it wasn't enough to keep her around.

Edited August 21 by basil67

[fred123]

17 hours ago, basil67 said:

First things first, we never get answers to why someone we barely knew thinks or does what they do, so it's important to learn to let it go.   Of course, it's different if you've been together for years and know them like the back of your hand.  All these question you ask about why she does things?  Sure, we can have fun guessing, but nobody actually knows for sure.

It wasn't just naive to think she cared before asking her on the third date - it was downright foolish!!!   Why?

1. You'd only had two dates - you barely knew each other!  Even girls found on regular sites or socially shouldn't be getting to the point of caring so quickly.  

2. She was ignoring your messages

3. Because you found her on a sugarbaby-esque site.  You gave her luxury dates and she gave you some sex and company.  But even then, it wasn't enough to keep her around.

Yes very true. She eventually said she didn't have that feeling at the level. She felt no romantic compatibility. So I guess she was genuine and not in it for the money and experiences

[basil67]

38 minutes ago, fred123 said:

Yes very true. She eventually said she didn't have that feeling at the level. She felt no romantic compatibility. So I guess she was genuine and not in it for the money and experiences

But what does it matter when you had a laundry list of gripes about her?   Frankly, I have no idea why you even took her on even a second date, let alone a third date of a whole weekend away.

And frankly, she's not going to feel romantic compatibility with someone who sees so many faults in her upfront.  She'd surely be receiving your vibes of disapproval

[Gebidozo]

17 minutes ago, basil67 said:

And frankly, she's not going to feel romantic compatibility with someone who sees so many faults in her upfront.  She'd surely be receiving your vibes of disapproval

Yes, OP, you must understand that these things are mutual.

You didn’t genuinely like that girl. You disliked her demeanor and were offended by it. You were full of hesitation, doubts and suspicions.

To an outsider, it looks like you were simply lonely and wanted some connection and sex. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll understand that you’d probably be fine with getting that from almost anyone, from any girl who looked hot enough and would go on multiple dates with you. 

Well, that’s exactly what you got. Just some affection and physical intimacy without any substantial feelings or strong sympathy. Obviously, such things never last, and why should they?

If you want more, you need to find someone for whom you feel more. When you truly like a girl, there are chances she’ll like you back. But when you don’t, why should she? And why would you need that?

[fred123]

On 8/22/2024 at 1:23 AM, Gebidozo said:

Yes, OP, you must understand that these things are mutual.

You didn’t genuinely like that girl. You disliked her demeanor and were offended by it. You were full of hesitation, doubts and suspicions.

To an outsider, it looks like you were simply lonely and wanted some connection and sex. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll understand that you’d probably be fine with getting that from almost anyone, from any girl who looked hot enough and would go on multiple dates with you. 

Well, that’s exactly what you got. Just some affection and physical intimacy without any substantial feelings or strong sympathy. Obviously, such things never last, and why should they?

If you want more, you need to find someone for whom you feel more. When you truly like a girl, there are chances she’ll like you back. But when you don’t, why should she? And why would you need that?

I guess i was upset she treated me like that. I wanted her to treat me like guys she's into

[basil67]

37 minutes ago, fred123 said:

I guess i was upset she treated me like that. I wanted her to treat me like guys she's into

Yes, you keep saying this.   But did you even read the good advice that @Gebidozo and all the others have been giving you?   

Stop focussing on what she did and start reflecting on the choices you made.   Specifically, why is the attention of a woman you disliked so important to you?

Edited August 25 by basil67

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, fred123 said:

I guess i was upset she treated me like that. I wanted her to treat me like guys she's into

She couldn’t treat you like the guys she was into because she wasn’t that much into you. 

Being upset about that is like being upset that you aren’t an heir in a wealthy family or don’t have naturally beautiful eyes or aren’t musically talented.

You work with what you have, not with what you don’t have and cannot have. If a girl isn’t into you, you should let her go, start looking for girls that are into you, and figure out what you could do to find them more efficiently.

[fred123]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Yes, you keep saying this.   But did you even read the good advice that @Gebidozo and all the others have been giving you?   

Stop focussing on what she did and start reflecting on the choices you made.   Specifically, why is the attention of a woman you disliked so important to you?

I'm working with my therapist atm. I think it's  more that I don't understand or my brain don't understand her actions. Like before we met she would call and text and be into me.  Then even after the first date I didn't think she was into me. Yet she texted and called me the next day so she must have really liked me etc.

Just wondering what I did wrong and what other guys were doing right that she dated or her ex boyfriends she was into. Like why couldn't I be one of those guys

[Gebidozo]

33 minutes ago, fred123 said:

I think it's  more that I don't understand or my brain don't understand her actions.

And our brains don’t understand yours.

You matched her on that sleazy app, so you must have liked her.

But then you said you wouldn’t have matched on a normal app, so you must have disliked her.

You spent an insane amount of money on her, so you seemed to like her.

You were offended by her behavior during the very first date, so you disliked her.

Then you had drunken sex with her and invited her on a trip, so you liked her.

And then you talked on a forum for 9 pages about how much you disliked her.

Instead of wrecking your brain over her behavior and motivation, start thinking about your behavior and motivation.

Edited August 25 by Gebidozo