kjo314 Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 How do you do no contact... Do I answer the phone when she calls or what??? I am confused on what exactly this is??? She says she wants us to work out but she doens't know what she wants and she doesn't think we will work out.... she said she thinks there is someone out there who can make me happier Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 How do you do no contact... Do I answer the phone when she calls or what??? No. I am confused on what exactly this is??? No contact means just that. It means not making any effort to contact your ex. You basically put them on 'ignore mode' on focus on healing yourself and making yourself a better person. It's also a good time to reflect on what you did wrong, what you have learned and preventing those problems from happening again. Go to the gym and work out. Hang out with friends. Delete her emails, block her on IM, delete her phone number. She has yours and knows how to reach you if she has a change of heart. The thing you're looking for here is for the following words from her "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I want to try again." Anything less and she's toying with your heart. Don't settle for crumbs if you want the whole cake. She says she wants us to work out but she doens't know what she wants No contact will give her time to figure out what she wants but if you're communicating she can not possibly miss you. and she doesn't think we will work out.... Then take her for her word and don't give her the pleasure of your company. She can't miss you if you never go away. she said she thinks there is someone out there who can make me happier Then let her find that out on her own. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. But there is one thing that is guaranteed. If you continue no contact you will heal and eventually find someone else. When you finally decide to LET GO of her and wrest control of your life back from her grasp you'll start feeling better about yourself. Work on your self confidence. Get in better shape. Hang out with friends. Get some new hobbies. Occupy your time. When you think of her, put those thoughts away and think of something that makes you happy. NC is not fun nor is it easy, but it's necessary for your best interest. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 What if she calls me and wants to just.... talk... she said she wanted to still be friends... what do I do in this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 There is always a possibility of becoming friends with an ex. I didn't think it is possible but I speak from experience. But I needed to go through the grieving process and let go of any romantic feelings, notions before I was ready to move into the friendship zone. Your ex needs to be respectful in giving you that time to grieve and process the break up. Otherwise it will just create more heartache and drama for yourself. So just ask her to give you some time and that you will contact her when you are ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 I want her back... though.... We were together for a year and a half and all the sudden this happened... don't know why either.. Link to post Share on other sites
grace2005 Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 A friendship with the ex while you still have feelings for her will not work. On the other hand if you want to reconcile then you should take some of her calls but be quick to end the conversation first. No contact usually means no contact from your side. It means not initiating contact. You may reciprocate contact though. So when she calls answer and joke with her if you can. Don't sound depressed over the phone. Don't sound overly excited either. Just talk to her like you would one of your male friends and end the conversation after about 5 minutes. Talk about anything except the relationship unless she brings it up first. I assume she already knows how you feel about her so no sense in repeating it to her again. Just give her the sense that you are moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 she said she thinks there is someone out there who can make me happier When a women says this she has already checked out of any future with you. She is telling you to look for someone else and they would not do this if they were still plugged in. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 I want her back... though.... We were together for a year and a half and all the sudden this happened... don't know why either.. I don't think it's possible to be friends with someone you want back as a S/O. It's too painful to watch them go through other relationships and you'll never fully heal to the point you can have a successful relationship with her or someone else. Do what you want, but clinging to hope or hanging on serves only the opposite of what you intend to gain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted December 31, 2005 Author Share Posted December 31, 2005 i want to let go but I don't want to lose her... It is so hard right now because I don't really know what I feel anymore.... I want to go out and date but I feel like it is wrong... I also feel like it is too early.. What do you guys think... she ended is Dec. 3rd Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 If you are that confused then you are not ready to date. I was in love with a guy a couple years ago. He was the love of my life so I thought. Very intense chemistry. I spent the time I need to get him out of my system for good. Took a couple years, but I did it with plenty of time. Looking back now, I am sooo glad we weren't married. He called me last week after about 7 months of NC. I talked to him...had to go...never really thought about him much. No desire to call again. I just don't know why he keeps calling me...to be honest...don't really care. That is when you know you are ready to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 i want to let go but I don't want to lose her... If you don't let go you will definitely lose her. Letting go allows you to heal and work on being a better person. Hanging on to them just forces them away for good. It is so hard right now because I don't really know what I feel anymore.... I want to go out and date but I feel like it is wrong... I also feel like it is too early.. What do you guys think... she ended is Dec. 3rd You need to let go first and foremost. Focus on self-improvement. Go to the gym. Hang out with friends. Find new hobbies to occupy your time. ONLY when you truly let go will you be able to start healing and move on. The more you cling to hope the longer the healing process takes. Link to post Share on other sites
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