Foster2023 Posted May 17 Share Posted May 17 (edited) his FB page shows he is seeing someone else. He says he is confused. I was seeing a man for 6 months and he was diagnosed with prostrate cancer. He said he needed time. I reached out 6 months later and he said he was not wanting to date but agreed to meet for dinner. We were intimate and his comment was “everything worked fine.” A year later I contacted him to see how he was. We were intimate again. He assured me he didn’t want to date and had not been with anyone. Text messages were exchanged for several months with me under the assumption he was not dating. He never had FB before but I saw his FB page and he is in a relationship and has been for 8 months. I contacted him and he said he really liked me but was confused and depressed after the cancer treatment and reached out to a woman he knew. She lives in another state so it’s a long distance relationship which he said he was not moving neither was she. I just don’t understand why he didn’t reach back out to me. I want to cease all communication but having a hard time. We are both 57. I want to contact his GF but I know that is not a good idea. Edited May 17 by Foster2023 Add Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 17 Share Posted May 17 Why would you contact his girlfriend? You were never in a relationship with him, and he made it clear he didn't want to date but you slept with him anyway. Now he's met someone he wants to be in a relationship with. It happens. It's best to move on to someone else and not interfere in their relationship. Blocking him and going no contact will make it easier to move on from him. You'll meet someone new. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 17 Share Posted May 17 What you have with this guy now is just a few random hookups. Sex with the ex. It's time to cut him loose. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 He told you many times he was not looking to date, in men's language that means he was not looking to date 'you'. He never gave you any indication that you should wait for him. I am sorry you put all of your hopes in this man but it's all on you. You're 57 yo, you're really gonna play high school drama and contact his girlfriend? Who knows maybe she already knows about you. Let it go. There are many much better men out there for you. Don't waste your energy in bitterness, there aren't enough good years left in us to waste them in bitterness and vengeance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 I'm sorry that you're going through this situation. As for contacting his girlfriend, what do you envision happening if you do so? Will it bring you closure or make you feel better? This guy's actions have shown that he is not a trustworthy or honest partner so what are you fighting for? If you have feelings of anger or resentment towards him, expressing them to his current girlfriend might make you feel better temporarily, but it won't change anything. She may not want to hear from you, as she was most likely told that you were just a casual fling. Please, next time, stop giving your body away. You are old enough to know better, and your body is not a playground. You deserve to be with someone who is honest, treats you with respect and values YOU, not someone that uses your body for a scratch of an itch. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 19 hours ago, Foster2023 said: his FB page shows he is seeing someone else. He says he is confused. I was seeing a man for 6 months and he was diagnosed with prostrate cancer. He said he needed time. I reached out 6 months later and he said he was not wanting to date but agreed to meet for dinner. We were intimate and his comment was “everything worked fine.” A year later I contacted him to see how he was. We were intimate again. He assured me he didn’t want to date and had not been with anyone. Text messages were exchanged for several months with me under the assumption he was not dating. He never had FB before but I saw his FB page and he is in a relationship and has been for 8 months. I contacted him and he said he really liked me but was confused and depressed after the cancer treatment and reached out to a woman he knew. She lives in another state so it’s a long distance relationship which he said he was not moving neither was she. I just don’t understand why he didn’t reach back out to me. I want to cease all communication but having a hard time. We are both 57. I want to contact his GF but I know that is not a good idea. Sounds like he just fancied a hookup. That he didn't want to date was just a roundabout way of saying he didn't want to date you, who knows why not and why he's settled down with this new woman, but the only thing to do now is leave it alone, definitely don't contact his girlfriend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 19 Share Posted May 19 He didn't have the courage to tell you that he doesn't want to date you. He wanted a girlfriend but wasn't honest that he didn't see you as a match for him. Please stop looking at his social media and trying to connect with him. And do not reach out to his girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 I'm not sure what you want from him. He wasn't interested in dating you. He told you that. That doesn't mean he isn't allowed to date someone else. Do not reach out to his girlfriend, that would be completely inappropriate. Leave this man alone and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted May 22 Share Posted May 22 (edited) On 5/17/2024 at 7:04 PM, Foster2023 said: I just don’t understand why he didn’t reach back out to me. Lesson #1: If they don't AGGRESSIVELY reach out to us, they are not interested in a relationship with us. Period. No "buts" or "ifs." Lesson 2: cancer or no cancer, broken leg or deceased mother--NONE of that matters. If the person is interested in us, they will AGGRESSIVELY reach out to us and make their interest in us known. He's not interested--for whatever rational or irrational reasons he has. Move on! And look, let's be honest. All of us have had people we know and like who for all kinds of reasons we didn't want to date. And having good sex has close to zero connection to wanting to be in a serious relationship with someone. Having good sex, great sex. doesn't even indicate that the person wants to have a lot more great sex with us. Move on. Edited May 22 by Lotsgoingon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted May 22 Share Posted May 22 8 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: Lesson #1: If they don't AGGRESSIVELY reach out to us, they are not interested in a relationship with us. Period. No "buts" or "ifs." Lesson 2: cancer or no cancer, broken leg or deceased mother--NONE of that matters. If the person is interested in us, they will AGGRESSIVELY reach out to us and make their interest in us known. He's not interested--for whatever rational or irrational reasons he has. Move on! And look, let's be honest. All of us have had people we know and like who for all kinds of reasons we didn't want to date. And having good sex has close to zero connection to wanting to be in a serious relationship with someone. Having good sex, great sex. doesn't even indicate that the person wants to have a lot more great sex with us. Move on. Yep, I don't know how many times I met a girl, had great chemistry and mind-blowing sex, and then she was pretty much done with it. Of course sometimes this can be down to poor performance haha, but many times people just want a bang and nothing more. You can't take it personally, both people enjoyed a night together and that's pretty much it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 22 Share Posted May 22 You met up a few times over months...he owes you nothing. He's moved on...leave it be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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