apple tree Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 (edited) Hi all, me and my partner got married last year. We've been together 15 years. PFor about 8 months now she's been distant, she goes up to the bedroom every evening rather than spending any time with me. She used to appreciate when I bought her flowers, now she just gets annoyed. If I tell her she looks nice, she gets angry. She used to come over and cuddle me, and used to hold hands, she hasn't done this in months. It feels like she's constantly in a mood with me and it's really bringing me down. It's like she's a different person. Feels like she's just finding excuses to have a go at me, when she isn't in another room ignoring me. I feel like I'm trying everything to help her, but I'm getting nothing back. I've tried to communicate, but she just gets angry. Edited May 18 by apple tree Wrong title Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 OP, more info is needed. Has anything changed lately? Does your wife have grievances with you? Have you talked to her about those issues? Has she explained to you why she is like this? Her coldness coincides with the marriage. Was she happy to get married? Were you living together before the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author apple tree Posted May 18 Author Share Posted May 18 24 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: OP, more info is needed. Has anything changed lately? Does your wife have grievances with you? Have you talked to her about those issues? Has she explained to you why she is like this? Her coldness coincides with the marriage. Was she happy to get married? Were you living together before the marriage? She says she likes her own company. I understand this, but would be nice if she allocated some time to sit with me. She used to enjoy laying on me/cuddling/holding hands, now all of a sudden doesn't. She has had issues with anxiety which I understand, I have similar issues. But her anxiety is considerably better than it was, and she's even more distant. We've been living together for 15 years, so before the marriage. She cried when she put the ring on, they looked like happy tears, I certainly thought she was happy to get married. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 Did you ask her why she is not affectionate anymore? How old is she? I've heard of stories like that, couples that wait 10+ years to get married and their relationship ends within the same year. Usually one of the 2 felt pressured to get married. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 If it's feasible, express that you're unhappy about her changed behavior and suggest you both see a marriage therapist. There are multiple things that could be going on and a 3rd party can sometimes help sort that out and also serve as a "referee" for difficult conversations that might need to be had. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 19 Share Posted May 19 How old is she? Could the mood change be associated with menopause? It could be worth getting her hormones tested and discuss this with her doctor. Thing is, this is awful for you, but she must be feeling equally terrible inside. I hope you find answers Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted May 20 Share Posted May 20 Is she seeing another man? Obviously something occured to change her moods and behavior What happened right before this change? Link to post Share on other sites
1HappyGoLucky Posted June 4 Share Posted June 4 On 5/19/2024 at 1:01 AM, apple tree said: Hi all, me and my partner got married last year. We've been together 15 years. PFor about 8 months now she's been distant, she goes up to the bedroom every evening rather than spending any time with me. She used to appreciate when I bought her flowers, now she just gets annoyed. If I tell her she looks nice, she gets angry. She used to come over and cuddle me, and used to hold hands, she hasn't done this in months. It feels like she's constantly in a mood with me and it's really bringing me down. It's like she's a different person. Feels like she's just finding excuses to have a go at me, when she isn't in another room ignoring me. I feel like I'm trying everything to help her, but I'm getting nothing back. I've tried to communicate, but she just gets angry. It sounds like your wife is encountering some issues with confidence in your relationship that she has been unable to express. Has she perhaps come across an internet history or something of the like that may suggest your interests are elsewhere? It seems like she believes that she is no longer attractive to you and that your attempted compliments are lies. It sounds like she feels trapped. This is going to take open and honest communication. You need to express what you value in your relationship to her without attempting to get anything in return. And maybe remind her of why and when you fell in love in the first place. Tell her the impact her distance is having on you and that you value her and what she contributes to your marriage. This may open the door to a further open and honest discussion on how you can fall back in love again. Link to post Share on other sites
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