When to worry about a parent's memory loss

[FMW]

My mother is 77 and physically in good shape.  She's very active in city government, volunteering and church activities.  Lately she's exhibited memory issues that I'm not sure how much I should worry about - what's normal for her age, and what represents a potential issue.

I'll give two examples. 

(1)  I was traveling to meet her (we live a few hundred miles apart) at an  out-of-town event, and as requested, when I reached my hotel that night I texted her to let her know I made it safely.  She responded, thanking me for letting her know, and saying she would see me at a specific time the next morning at a restaurant for breakfast.  The next morning she texted me asking if I had made it to the hotel safely.  I told her that I had texted her the night before and that she had responded.  She texted jokingly "I'm losing my mind" and we never discussed it after that.

(2)  Over the weekend we met at a family funeral.  I heard her having a brief conversation with one of my cousin's sons and talking about the last time they had seen each other and about his grandfather, my mom's brother-in-law.  About an hour later, leaving the funeral home, as we walked by my cousin's son she said to him "Do you remember me?"  He just said "of course I do Aunt x" and gave her a hug.

There is also what seems to just be normal age-related forgetfulness, repeating information, and forgetting what time we had planned to do something.  One of her friends told me a month ago that sometimes she was worried about mom's forgetfulness.  I told her to let me know if something happened that made her feel I should check out the situation.  She has another friend who recently volunteered to do the same without my bringing up the issue.  So I feel confident someone will let me know if they think there's a serious problem.

I don't want to embarrass my mom, or make her feel like I'm getting into her business, but I realize that at some point I may very well need to at least have a conversation with her.  My father died 8 years ago and mom lives alone, but she does have friends that check in with her often.  Since she's active in her community any absence or unusual behavior would be noticed.  We speak on the phone every day.  I do not have siblings with whom to share oversight of her well-being.

I'd like to know others' ideas or experiences with similar issues with aging parents - thanks!

Edited May 18 by FMW

[Alpacalia]

Hi.  

Basically, as we age, we all experience some degree of cognitive decline, including occasional memory lapses. There are warning signs of potential memory problems that should not be ignored. These include difficulty with daily tasks such as paying bills or managing medications, repeating the same stories or asking the same questions, getting lost in familiar places, and difficulty with language or communication. If these issues are becoming more frequent or severe, it may be a sign of a more serious problem. 

You can start by talking to her about your observations and asking her how she feels. If she is open to it, suggest that she sees her doctor for a check-up. The doctor can do a thorough evaluation to determine if there are any underlying medical conditions contributing to her memory issues. 

It may also be helpful to keep track of your mother's symptoms and any patterns you notice. I know it's hard to decipher normal age-related forgetfulness from more serious memory problems, so writing things down can help give you a clear picture. 

Aside from medical intervention, there are steps your mother can take to support her cognitive health. These include staying physically active, eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and engaging in mentally stimulating activities such as socializing, learning new things, and solving puzzles. 

So, for instance, my Dad as you know had a stroke and his memory and cognitive health had deteriorated since then. I experienced many similar situations like you describe with your mom and I can say it's challenging to navigate this as an adult child. What helped me was to have ongoing conversations with my Dad, checking in and setting him up with things like Lumosity and doing crossword puzzles with him or playing word games and getting him involved in Respite Care to get a break from caring for him so he was involved with folks his own age.

I also tried to empower him to make his own decisions and choices but made sure to monitor things so that he was safe. It takes some trial and error but talking and being with him helped not only him but me.

Dementia and Alzheimer's are common concerns as we age, so it's good that you're mindful of your mother's well-being. I hope this helps and I'm happy to tell you about what else worked for me. I also cared for people with Dementia and have seen it all when it comes to memory issues and have seen what works and what doesn't work so I hope this perspective helps you. 

[MsJayne]

Maybe best to have that conversation with her and go along for some tests which will clear up whether it's just absent-mindedness that can come with age, or something else. There's no harm in checking on her overall well-being, it could be early signs of dementia or it could be a warning sign of a stroke, it could be many things if she's an otherwise healthy and active person.  

[Gaeta]

She is too young to have that type of memory loss (hotel one & the cousin one). Please convince her to see her doctor. 

When my aunt was early 70s she had those memory loss and she never wanted to tell her doctor, now she's 80 and her mind is completely gone. What she experienced were early set of Alzheimer. Had she started talking medication for it 10 years ago it would have slowed down the illness a great deal. My parents are that age, my mom is 76 and my dad will be 85 this summer. They will forget little things like picking up the dry cleaning, or they will forget for a moment the names of acquaintances but they won't forget part of their days. 

Also, a few years ago my dad was vey forgetful and turns out 2 of his medications were not compatible together and blurring his mind.

Your mom's first stop is at her doctor.