Should I buy a place if my gf doesn't like it?

[Els]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

I was mainly just asking if I should buy a place if my girlfriend doesn't like it, which I felt was a relationship question or at least that was my intention.

I mean, your post was essentially the equivalent of someone saying, "My boyfriend doesn't like me to eat peanuts. I have a peanut allergy that will result in anaphylactic shock if I eat peanuts, but my friends and family are telling me that I need to eat peanuts anyway so my body gets used to it. Should I eat peanuts even though my boyfriend doesn't like it?"

And of course the answer is that you can eat whatever you want and your boyfriend shouldn't dictate that... but at the same time, don't you think posters would be rather remiss if they didn't point out the fact that it would be a terrible idea?

[Els]

12 hours ago, ironpony said:

But even if I did, when people say I should have at least have a place of my own as a safety, to come back to, in case the relationship doesn't work out, do they have a point?

They do not. If a couple splits up, they split the value of the assets, then buy again later (this is grossly oversimplified, of course, but that's the gist of it). Unless they are rolling in cash, nobody keeps a spare property around "just in case". Also, you seem to be all over the place. You're adamant that property prices are going up so much that you'll never be able to afford a house, but now you want to pay mortgage on TWO properties simultaneously??

[ironpony]

53 minutes ago, Els said:

I'm sensitive to noise as well, and we live in an apartment just fine. The key is finding a modern apartment with good soundproofing on a higher floor. They are more expensive than cheaper apartments, but cheaper than houses. Houses are noisy too btw, especially if you have a neighbour who likes to do DIY or landscaping a lot.

If you "need" her to pay for part of the bills (for a property that she doesn't own...) in order for you to afford your mortgage, what on earth are you going to do if you break up?!

I did the math and I can afford some places if we break up actually.  Well the problem is the most from all the traffic that comes through the glass with her.  because these cheaper condos are downtown and downtown means more traffic noise. Perhaps I could replace the glass with extremely soundproof glass maybe? Not sure if that's doable though.

However, the problem is that me and my girlfriend want to make a decision together on a place we both like but since we can seem to agree on any place that how do you break the impasse? Who gets to make the final call in that case, is what I am wondering overall?

Edited May 23 by ironpony

[basil67]

2 hours ago, ironpony said:

However, the problem is that me and my girlfriend want to make a decision together on a place we both like but since we can seem to agree on any place that how do you break the impasse? Who gets to make the final call in that case, is what I am wondering overall?

It's your money so the choice is 100% yours.   But if she doesn't like what you buy and won't move in, this is 100% her right

 

Edited May 23 by basil67

[ironpony]

Yeah that's fine.  I won't be mad at her if she doesn't move in, I am just wanting to please both of us, if that is possible.

Edited May 24 by ironpony

[Els]

22 hours ago, ironpony said:

However, the problem is that me and my girlfriend want to make a decision together on a place we both like but since we can seem to agree on any place that how do you break the impasse? Who gets to make the final call in that case, is what I am wondering overall?

Of course if you are the sole purchaser then you'd make the final call. But you should be prepared to go it alone if she chooses not to move in.

 

22 hours ago, ironpony said:

Well the problem is the most from all the traffic that comes through the glass with her.  because these cheaper condos are downtown and downtown means more traffic noise. Perhaps I could replace the glass with extremely soundproof glass maybe?

You're talking about double glazing. It solves some noise issues but doesn't completely solve traffic noise, because that is transmitted through walls as much as through windows. Modern apartments that are constructed to be soundproof will have soundproof walls, floors/ceilings, etc. Our apartment is on a main street downtown and we barely hear anything. It's the quietest place I've ever lived in, and I've lived in a lot of houses. Don't underestimate the benefits of being 10+ levels above the ground, noise-wise.

Edited May 24 by Els

[ironpony]

14 hours ago, Els said:

Of course if you are the sole purchaser then you'd make the final call. But you should be prepared to go it alone if she chooses not to move in.

 

You're talking about double glazing. It solves some noise issues but doesn't completely solve traffic noise, because that is transmitted through walls as much as through windows. Modern apartments that are constructed to be soundproof will have soundproof walls, floors/ceilings, etc. Our apartment is on a main street downtown and we barely hear anything. It's the quietest place I've ever lived in, and I've lived in a lot of houses. Don't underestimate the benefits of being 10+ levels above the ground, noise-wise.

That's a good point. I think she just vowed to never live an apartment style setting ever again after bad experiences before and she doesn't want to break that vow she made to herself, necessarily.

[Els]

6 hours ago, ironpony said:

That's a good point. I think she just vowed to never live an apartment style setting ever again after bad experiences before and she doesn't want to break that vow she made to herself, necessarily.

You two can rent a modern soundproof apartment for 6 months and then see what she thinks about it at the end of that period, perhaps?

[ironpony]

On 5/25/2024 at 8:57 AM, Els said:

You two can rent a modern soundproof apartment for 6 months and then see what she thinks about it at the end of that period, perhaps?

I don't think they have them where I live, but I will look into it.  Thanks!

[ironpony]

There is one thing on here I wanted to ask about.  It's been said before how not to get a dumpy place because it will just cost a lot more to fix.  How do people who live in the poor areas afford to get these places if they cost more to fix and if they are more poor?  How can more poor or middle class people afford such a place if it costs a lot to fix, if there is a contradiction there?

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, ironpony said:

There is one thing on here I wanted to ask about.  It's been said before how not to get a dumpy place because it will just cost a lot more to fix.  How do people who live in the poor areas afford to get these places if they cost more to fix and if they are more poor?  How can more poor or middle class people afford such a place if it costs a lot to fix, if there is a contradiction there?

They borrow enough to pay for the house and the renovations.  

People who can't afford a cheap house and the potential renovations on their own either continue to rent, or they buy together with a family member, friend or partner.  For example, my husband's sisters don't have high incomes, so they combined their money and bought a house and live in it together

Edited June 2 by basil67

[Will am I]

There’s also a thing called “poverty trap”. Poorer neighbourhoods are filled with houses that need lots of money on maintenance and heating. The people who can’t afford a nicer place end up paying the same or more over the years.

[BaileyB]

On 5/21/2024 at 10:26 PM, ironpony said:

I can buy a place with my money since I have more than her and she can help pay rent, and that was the arrangement.

To live with you as a tenant in a home that you own would be a very poor financial decision for her.

I suggest that you wait, when you are ready to commit to each other you can buy a home together - both your names are in the title, you will either be married or you should have a cohabitation agreement. 

Edited June 2 by BaileyB

[ironpony]

10 hours ago, Will am I said:

There’s also a thing called “poverty trap”. Poorer neighbourhoods are filled with houses that need lots of money on maintenance and heating. The people who can’t afford a nicer place end up paying the same or more over the years.

Okay but if this is the case are those people being suckered and they might as well buy a newer place where not as many repairs are needed?

[Els]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

Okay but if this is the case are those people being suckered and they might as well buy a newer place where not as many repairs are needed?

Absolutely, poor people get forced into decisions like this all the time if they have no viable alternatives. Cheap houses, broken-down cars, high interest rate payment plans, bad kitchens, etc. It most certainly costs more to be poor. Again, I'm honestly concerned that you don't know this...

When I was a student and H was a fresh grad, we bought an extremely cheap secondhand car because he needed it to get to work and we had no other options. Over the 2 years that we had the car, it cost more to repair it than it did to buy it. Fortunately by the time it became beyond repair, we had saved up enough to get out of that trap and bought a decent car. It would have cost us a lot less if we had been able to afford the decent car to begin with.

You have alternatives (a gf whom you can buy with a few years from now). Some other people don't... either because they're single or there's a rental crisis where they live or their partner is disabled etc. So you can see how it perplexes us when you don't HAVE to go down this road but yet you choose to.

Edited June 2 by Els

[ironpony]

21 minutes ago, Els said:

Absolutely, poor people get forced into decisions like this all the time if they have no viable alternatives. Cheap houses, broken-down cars, high interest rate payment plans, bad kitchens, etc. It most certainly costs more to be poor. Again, I'm honestly concerned that you don't know this...

When I was a student and H was a fresh grad, we bought an extremely cheap secondhand car because he needed it to get to work and we had no other options. Over the 2 years that we had the car, it cost more to repair it than it did to buy it. Fortunately by the time it became beyond repair, we had saved up enough to get out of that trap and bought a decent car. It would have cost us a lot less if we had been able to afford the decent car to begin with.

You have alternatives (a gf whom you can buy with a few years from now). Some other people don't... either because they're single or there's a rental crisis where they live or their partner is disabled etc. So you can see how it perplexes us when you don't HAVE to go down this road but yet you choose to.

Thank you very much for the input.  I am sorry to hear about that happening to you.

I was told I need to buy a house this year though, because housing is going to going up in the next few years and nothing will be affordable for me and a gf in a few years if that's true.  The reason I was also told to buy a place myself, is in case my gf left me, then I would still have a place to live, if this was sound advice?

[Els]

2 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Thank you very much for the input.  I am sorry to hear about that happening to you.

I was told I need to buy a house this year though, because housing is going to going up in the next few years and nothing will be affordable for me and a gf in a few years if that's true.  The reason I was also told to buy a place myself, is in case my gf left me, then I would still have a place to live, if this was sound advice?

We have all told you multiple times throughout this thread that it is not sound advice. May I suggest you re-read the replies?

[ironpony]

That's true, yes, sorry.  But if my loved ones are telling me this and it's unsound, why they are being unsound about it most likely?

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, ironpony said:

That's true, yes, sorry.  But if my loved ones are telling me this and it's unsound, why they are being unsound about it most likely?

They believe their advice is sound.

Thing is, it's on you to listen to all the different advice, do your own research and make your own decision as to what's best for your personal situation.  You can't rely on other people to make decisions for you.

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, ironpony said:

That's true, yes, sorry.  But if my loved ones are telling me this and it's unsound, why they are being unsound about it most likely?

Their advice is sound if they expect that your relationship will not be long term. In that case, it would be good for you to get into the housing market and have your own place should the relationship end.

You don’t, however, want to buy a “dump” that is going to cost you more in repairs than it will cost you in mortgage payments. That’s not a sound decision in any circumstance. 

From the perspective of your girlfriend - in now way should she be paying you “rent” in a home that you purchase - not if either of you think that this relationship is going to be long term. That’s unbalanced - in no marriage is one spouse the “landlord” and the other spouse the “tenant.” 

Whether you eventually marry or live together as common law spouses, she will be entitled to half of the appreciation of the home. As such, that would be a very poor decision for you financially. 

If you are considering buying a home with your own money and having your girlfriend live with you in that home, you would be wise to consult a lawyer before you make any decisions… 

Edited June 3 by BaileyB

[Gaeta]

17 hours ago, ironpony said:

That's true, yes, sorry.  But if my loved ones are telling me this and it's unsound, why they are being unsound about it most likely?

Are your loved ones financial advisors? or Real Estate agents? They advise you with all of their love but they may not be specialists in the matter. Example: I am almost done paying off my condo, my mother keeps telling me I should sell it and buy myself a small house. She tells me that because she knows I love gardening and condo life is restrictive but....financially speaking at 58 yo it's time for me to pay off my condo to live mortgage free and put all my spare revenue in my retirement fund. So, no, family don't always know best. 

Also: this advice to buy right away because property will go up, this was a good advice in 2018/2019 not anymore. You're in Canada right? I am too. Go see a financial advisor and look at your other options to grow your money until you are able to purchase something worthy. Google housing market in Canada, we have a very stable real estate market with no prevision of increased. A balanced market means it's advantageous for sellers and buyers. Canada has a balance market since July 2023.

[ironpony]

11 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Are your loved ones financial advisors? or Real Estate agents? They advise you with all of their love but they may not be specialists in the matter. Example: I am almost done paying off my condo, my mother keeps telling me I should sell it and buy myself a small house. She tells me that because she knows I love gardening and condo life is restrictive but....financially speaking at 58 yo it's time for me to pay off my condo to live mortgage free and put all my spare revenue in my retirement fund. So, no, family don't always know best. 

Also: this advice to buy right away because property will go up, this was a good advice in 2018/2019 not anymore. You're in Canada right? I am too. Go see a financial advisor and look at your other options to grow your money until you are able to purchase something worthy. Google housing market in Canada, we have a very stable real estate market with no prevision of increased. A balanced market means it's advantageous for sellers and buyers. Canada has a balance market since July 2023.

They are not real estate agents but just speaking based on caring for me if my gf left me.  I will get a financial advisor.  Thanks!  My real estate agent told me that I won't be able to afford a place in two years so I have to by now, if I want a do-able place at all pretty much, or so he says.  Based on housing going nowhere but up, it seems the facts are cooberating what he says.

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, ironpony said:

They are not real estate agents but just speaking based on caring for me if my gf left me.  I will get a financial advisor.  Thanks!  My real estate agent told me that I won't be able to afford a place in two years so I have to by now, if I want a do-able place at all pretty much, or so he says.  Based on housing going nowhere but up, it seems the facts are cooberating what he says.

All real estate agents say this.   Real estate agents aren't there to advise the buyer on the property market.  Their job is to make a sale for the vendor.  And a good way to achieve this is to give the potential buyer a sense of urgency so they'll jump in and buy that home.

Edited June 4 by basil67

[ironpony]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

All real estate agents say this.   Real estate agents aren't there to advise the buyer on the property market.  Their job is to make a sale for the vendor.  And a good way to achieve this is to give the potential buyer a sense of urgency so they'll jump in and buy that home.

This makes sense, but since I can barely afford a place now that is not a dump hopefully, it seems that what the real estate agent says is correct, since it's only been going up and the market is even more costly now than it was a few years ago.  So the facts seem to be cooberating with what he has been saying?

[basil67]

1 minute ago, ironpony said:

This makes sense, but since I can barely afford a place now that is not a dump hopefully, it seems that what the real estate agent says is correct, since it's only been going up and the market is even more costly now than it was a few years ago.  So the facts seem to be cooberating with what he has been saying?

They might go up or they might go down.  I've seen more than one real estate crash in my life

We can't give advice on your real estate market.