To message or not to message? Help 🥺🥹

[HappyBehindThisShyMask]

Hi guys, I was wondering if y’all could give me some advice? Saturday, my old neighbor came into town (he lives ab 2 hours away) for his sister's graduation. I was at the peak of my mushroom trip & told him I don't think I can entertain company, to which he replied "Me Tooooooo, I'm at the end of mine though", so I instantly felt no judgment & decided to let him in, he comes into town usually for the main holidays, & always stops/makes time to visit with me (& whatever bf I have at the time). So, we get to talking, & catching up & just vibing & watching midnight gospel while listening to edm (if you know, you know), & I never realize how cool he was, & he wanted to show me a really cool video that would fulfill the visuals my brain was fixating on, & I started talking ab how cool it was & said "Ik I probably look crazy as hell rn, sorry" (because I usually mask & I wasn't able to, or even cared to want to, all my happy, animated personality was shining & he says "you don’t look crazy at all, actually I've always thought you were very pretty, honestly I've thought you were SO pretty my whole life" & I kinda just glided over it bc I wasn't sure how to take it other than saying thank you & changing the topic... ab 10 min later he says "Please don't get weirded out or anything, but can I ask you a question??"  Me "yeah?" Him "& you can say no & please don't feel awkward, but can we make out?" it threw me for a loop & took me by surprise… I said “no, thank you, but I'm tripping & I'm having to remember how to human, I can't even think ab anything like that rn”. I can see him shaking & almost looks like he wants to cry, but he holds it together... the empath in me is feeling his feelings & so we were both pretty sad & not sure what else to say, he had to go to a graduation after-party & said if I want to hang out when he gets back, just answer the door, he'll come back later. Well, it put my head in a spin & I actually ended up getting my brother to come pick me up. So backstory he grew up next door to me since I was 17, when I moved in my place, when he got to be ab 16 he would come ask for gars & to smoke with me & whatever bf I had at the time (I've been in 2 long-term relationships, this is the first time I've been single in 9 years), at 19 he moved away to go to college, now he's 22 & I'm 29, & it's weird bc I always viewed him as a kid, but now that I'm single & the vibes were immaculate? I can't stop thinking about how different he is, good different, green flag different... & honestly I can't stop thinking ab Saturday & him (even though I don't really have anything to go off of,  aside from him coming get a gar every other day & coming visit me 1-3x?s per year since he moved?) what do I do, leave it alone, message him, if I message him? what do I even say??

[Alpacalia]

C'mon, asking if 2 people can make out when BOTH parties are tripping balls?? No bueno.  It's great you have nostalgic memories of this dude... but it kinda sounds like neither of you were in your right minds. I'd chalk it up to really good E and psychedelics. 

[HappyBehindThisShyMask]

When I went to my brothers house after he left, I told him(my brother) ab it, & he said the guy use to always talk ab me & ask questions ab me & I was always the ‘girl next door’ no pun intended for him, & that he would say “I’m going to marry your sister one day” my brother happened to live a little bit down the street back in the day. I just don’t want to message & it be weird because of the fact we were both tripping, but definitely had me wondering if he’s always been waiting… & that’s why he always visits… or… idk, like I said it’s hard to wrap my head ar, & it sucks that he basically got rejected twice, once when he asked to make out & again when he probably knocked on my door (bc my car was there) & no one answered… I hate to leave it like that… & I want to say something ab it, but idk if it’s on his mind like it’s on mine. 

[Alpacalia]

He's attracted to you for sure but it sounds like you're not in the same head space. When he asked you to make out I think it's pretty clear that he's interested in taking things to the next level physically and my guess is the front door knock was part of that.  So if you're not ready for that yes you should talk to him and see where it goes because that's what he's hoping for.