Visiting dominatrix while in relationship

[petrolheadno1]

I don't know if I'm being weird but I have always wanted to be tied up on a st Andrews Cross and be wearing a gimp mask and gagged and being tied and teased and be given a handjob. Also I wanted to be tied up and tickled by the domme. I only want to do this once and get it over and done with. I feel this will also act as a form of therapy for me.

I have a girlfriend who I have a positive relationship with. We met in December 2022 we get on well and have been on holiday together.

We don't live at the same address. She lives alone and I live with my elderly parents. We have discussed towns and cities to move to in the future.

Please I must emphasise I only want to visit this dominatrix ONCE that's it and get it over and done with. It is a long term itch I want to scratch and THATS IT. Is it considered cheating? We don't like at the same address and I'm using my own money to pay for it. Also there will be no sex, penetration or touching of the domme also.

Plus I don't tell my girlfriend everything like what time I woke up, what I ate for breakfast, when I took a dump etc etc. I don't even tell everything about my life to my best friend or parents also.

Also this is for a therapeutic purpose and for healing and counselling purposes. Dominatrixes on their websites say visiting a domme is a form of therapy, counselling quite cathartic and heals you. They also mention this in podcast interview as a way to connect with your inner self and in a space where you are not judged. Dommes also say on their websites, articles and podcasts visiting and having a session is creating a spiritual connection.

Please let me know your thoughts in this.

[basil67]

I'd say it's cheating, but I have no skin in the game.   The question is whether or not your girlfriend would approve  

[petrolheadno1]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

I'd say it's cheating, but I have no skin in the game.   The question is whether or not your girlfriend would approve  

There is a 0.000001% chance of her finding out. But we live at different addresses and she doesn't question what I did or where I went, who I was with. So I am not lying to her because she didn't ask in the first place.

 
So she wont question anything and remember this is a ONE OFF thing. I was planning to do this when I was single, but health issues got in the way, I have a neurological condition and was in pain back then, now it is resolved. 

When we started dating back in January 2023 she did say in a text message "I am not interested in dating anyone, takes too much time and energy". - this is a sign of dis-interest right? She also said, "it puts lot of resources on my mind"

[basil67]

So it's not cheating if the partner doesn't find out about it? 😮 🙄   And I notice that you didn't comment about whether or not your girlfriend would approve.

Meanwhile, you're saying that you're in a relationship yet the woman you're with is saying she's not interested in dating anyone.  How about you get the status of your relationship/friendship confirmed.   If it's agreed that you're not in a relationship with her, then you're free to do what you want.   Simple

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, petrolheadno1 said:

Is it considered cheating?

If you tell your GF and she agrees, no. If she disagrees, or if you don’t tell her at all, of course it’s cheating.

What do you mean “there will be no sex”? Since when is handjob not a sexual act? And even if you’re only tied and teased by a domme, it’s clearly a BDSM act, so definitely not something you should be hiding from your GF or doing without her permission.

 

[Gebidozo]

43 minutes ago, petrolheadno1 said:

So I am not lying to her because she didn't ask in the first place.

She probably also didn’t ask you whether you were intending to conduct a mass rape of underage nuns. So you wouldn’t be lying to her if you went and did that?

48 minutes ago, petrolheadno1 said:

When we started dating back in January 2023 she did say in a text message "I am not interested in dating anyone, takes too much time and energy". - this is a sign of dis-interest right? She also said, "it puts lot of resources on my mind"

I’m totally confused now. Is she your girlfriend or is she not? If she’s not, go ahead and do that dominatrix thing. If she is, either ask her permission and then do it when you receive it, or, better, just don’t do it. It’s hard to imagine a woman who would let her boyfriend do something like that.

[petrolheadno1]

Another thing is it would.be more difficult this if I move in with her. 

Please remember this is a one of thing. It's an long term itch I want to scratch and once it is scratched that's it I'll be going back to my normal life, I can tick it off my list. 

Also there is a super slim chance she will find out and I don't intend to do this regularly. What would be the consequences if I went forwards with visiting this domme? She ain't gonna find out well a 0.00000001% chance. 

Also bear in mind dommes are professionals so there is a therapy and healing element to this. It's not like I've kissed her best friend or picked up some random woman from a club and brought her back to my house and had sex. This is something done in a professional environment where you aren't judged and express and connect with your self on a spiritual element. So i feel it will be beneficial to my mental health. 

Edited May 24 by petrolheadno1
Add more details.

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, petrolheadno1 said:

Please remember this is a one of thing. It's an long term itch I want to scratch and once it is scratched that's it I'll be going back to my normal life, I can tick it off my list. 

I have a long term itch to rob a bank. Once it’s scratched I’ll be going back to my normal life. Why would anyone have problem with that, it’s just a one time thing, it’s not like I would do it again, right?

 

1 hour ago, petrolheadno1 said:

What would be the consequences if I went forwards with visiting this domme? She ain't gonna find out well a 0.00000001% chance. 

The consequences will be you becoming a liar and a cheater.

Please trust a former cheater such as myself when he tells you that these consequences are truly terrible.

1 hour ago, petrolheadno1 said:

Also bear in mind dommes are professionals so there is a therapy and healing element to this.

Sure, prostitutes are professionals too and I can testify that there is a powerful healing element in blowjobs.

1 hour ago, petrolheadno1 said:

It's not like I've kissed her best friend or picked up some random woman from a club and brought her back to my house and had sex.

It’s exactly like that.

You just gave three different examples of cheating. The exact details are absolutely irrelevant.

1 hour ago, petrolheadno1 said:

This is something done in a professional environment where you aren't judged

So are visits to prostitutes in brothels.

Do you honestly believe that if you sleep with a prostitute while being in a monogamous relationship that wouldn’t be cheating?

1 hour ago, petrolheadno1 said:

So i feel it will be beneficial to my mental health. 

Then ask your GF’s permission to do that, or break up with your GF and do that. There is no other way.

[petrolheadno1]

15 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I have a long term itch to rob a bank. Once it’s scratched I’ll be going back to my normal life. Why would anyone have problem with that, it’s just a one time thing, it’s not like I would do it again, right?

 

The consequences will be you becoming a liar and a cheater.

Please trust a former cheater such as myself when he tells you that these consequences are truly terrible.

Sure, prostitutes are professionals too and I can testify that there is a powerful healing element in blowjobs.

It’s exactly like that.

You just gave three different examples of cheating. The exact details are absolutely irrelevant.

So are visits to prostitutes in brothels.

Do you honestly believe that if you sleep with a prostitute while being in a monogamous relationship that wouldn’t be cheating?

Then ask your GF’s permission to do that, or break up with your GF and do that. There is no other way.

You can't comparing robbing the bank with visiting a domme. Robbing a bank is illegal and visiting a domme is not breaking the law. Also robbing a bank causes huge financial losses and distress to worker. I'm not causing injury or significant loss to visiting a domme. 

Also dommes are not prostitutes. Plus it is not in a brothel, unsure where you get them from. Plus I'm not touching her or having sex. They are professionals and help you connect with yourself and express yourself in a space where you have no inhibitions. So this is for a therapeutic purpose rather than gratification or having a lack of abundance. 

Also if she doesn't question anything about what I did that day or week and I dont share everything single detail of my events in the day as she didnt ask. So how is that lying? If she asked where I was that day and I say I was my friends house or went shopping with my mum instead of saying I visited a domme, I'd classify that to be lying, as I'm providing her with false information. But here I'm not providing false information as she didn't ask. I doubt in any relationship ones partner would ask a full transcript of what they did every minute of that day. Pls correct me if I'm wrong. 

Plus I don't intend to do any act like this again. It is just once. Are you trying to say I'll end up doing similar acts in the future even though I'm saying now it is only once?  

[FredEire]

10 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

She probably also didn’t ask you whether you were intending to conduct a mass rape of underage nuns. So you wouldn’t be lying to her if you went and did that?

I’m totally confused now. Is she your girlfriend or is she not? If she’s not, go ahead and do that dominatrix thing. If she is, either ask her permission and then do it when you receive it, or, better, just don’t do it. It’s hard to imagine a woman who would let her boyfriend do something like that.

Yes a lot depends on whether you are exclusive or just seeing eachother. If she said she's not interested in dating, you haven't talked about being exclusive etc then go ahead.

If you're a proper couple then you have to ask her permission and face the consequences of that whatever that may be. BDSM and handjobs are absolutely a sexual act, I always laugh at people who think it's not cheating if there's no penetration involved.

[petrolheadno1]

35 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Yes a lot depends on whether you are exclusive or just seeing eachother. If she said she's not interested in dating, you haven't talked about being exclusive etc then go ahead.

If you're a proper couple then you have to ask her permission and face the consequences of that whatever that may be. BDSM and handjobs are absolutely a sexual act, I always laugh at people who think it's not cheating if there's no penetration involved.

OK. A friend of mine back in 2016, during his stag do he kissed another girl in a club and fondled her. His fiance (now wife) didn't question him and he didn't share anything and now he has been happily married since 2016. He has had 1 kid and has another one on the way. He is now settled and both him and his wife are doing well for themselves. 

Would you say he still cheated on her even though its water under the bridge?

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

Plus I'm not touching her or having sex.

Oh, so the handjob she’s going to give you is remote controlled?
 

3 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

You can't comparing robbing the bank with visiting a domme.

I’m not comparing the acts, I’m just making fun of your ridiculous conviction that just because you do a certain act only one time it can’t be qualified as a transgression.

3 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

They are professionals and help you connect with yourself and express yourself in a space where you have no inhibitions. So this is for a therapeutic purpose rather than gratification or having a lack of abundance

Great, why don’t you explain that to your GF. For sure she’ll understand the deep healing spirituality of that act and will totally consent to it. What was the problem again?

 

3 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

Also if she doesn't question anything about what I did that day or week and I dont share everything single detail of my events in the day as she didnt ask. So how is that lying?

So if you have sex with another woman instead of breakfast one day and your GF never asks you “Oh, honey, by any chance, did you happen to f*** someone today or was it scrambled eggs with bacon as usual?”, you aren’t lying?

I mean, I’ve seen people come up with truly ridiculous justifications for their immoral acts, but this could just take the first prize👎

3 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

Pls correct me if I'm wrong. 

Oh, you are wrong, and I’m correcting you a lot. You just don’t seem to listen. You know why? Because you didn’t come here for an advice. You came here to get permission to commit your act of infidelity. You were hoping that someone on this website is dumb and unethical enough to give you the green light you so need in your battle against your own conscience. I highly doubt this is going to happen.

[Gebidozo]

4 minutes ago, petrolheadno1 said:

OK. A friend of mine back in 2016, during his stag do he kissed another girl in a club and fondled her. His fiance (now wife) didn't question him and he didn't share anything and now he has been happily married since 2016. He has had 1 kid and has another one on the way. He is now settled and both him and his wife are doing well for themselves. 

Would you say he still cheated on her even though its water under the bridge?

Anyone with half a brain and a rudimentary code of ethics would say he cheated on her.

[petrolheadno1]

Just now, Gebidozo said:

Anyone with half a brain and a rudimentary code of ethics would say he cheated on her.

It was a one off and everyone on a stag/hen gets up to naughty business. 

[Gebidozo]

42 minutes ago, FredEire said:

BDSM and handjobs are absolutely a sexual act, I always laugh at people who think it's not cheating if there's no penetration involved.

Yeah man, those are my pet peeves as well.

I used to justify my own cheating just like that. What a disgusting, pathetic, self-deceiving creep I was.

[Gebidozo]

2 minutes ago, petrolheadno1 said:

It was a one off and everyone on a stag/hen gets up to naughty business. 

Now you’re justifying immoral acts because “everyone does it”?..

Dude, you’re sinking lower and lower as we speak. 

 

[FredEire]

24 minutes ago, petrolheadno1 said:

OK. A friend of mine back in 2016, during his stag do he kissed another girl in a club and fondled her. His fiance (now wife) didn't question him and he didn't share anything and now he has been happily married since 2016. He has had 1 kid and has another one on the way. He is now settled and both him and his wife are doing well for themselves. 

Would you say he still cheated on her even though its water under the bridge?

Of course he did. If you kill someone and the police never catch you are you somehow not a murderer?

I remember years ago on Erasmus exchange a girl basically dragged my back to her flat, where I arrived and her flatmates looked at us very judgingly. We basically made out naked in her bed for an hour but she insisted on not doing anything else. I went home a bit confused, found her on Facebook and there were sevel pictures of her and her husband, suddenly it all made sense.

She messaged asking to meet me again, and I assume she probably would have given in to her "morals" and we would have had sex. I didn't reply. It's ridiculous behaviour.

Edited May 24 by FredEire

[petrolheadno1]

4 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Of course he did. If you kill someone and the police never catch you are you somehow not a murderer?

I remember years ago on Erasmus exchange a girl basically dragged my back to her flat, where I arrived and her flatmates looked at us very judgingly. We basically made out naked in her bed for an hour but she insisted on not doing anything else. I went home a bit confused, found her on Facebook and there were sevel pictures of her and her husband, suddenly it all made sense.

She messaged asking to meet me again, and I assume she probably would have given in to her "morals" and we would have had sex. I didn't reply. It's ridiculous behaviour.

But police would carry out an investigation and eventually the suspect will get caught. People get convinced for a crime several years later when technology advances. 

My friends wife didn't pursue an investigation or dig into what he got up to during his stag do. After the stag they went abroad and the wedding happened and they are still together. They just bought a larger house. 

Edited May 24 by petrolheadno1
Add more info

[FredEire]

5 minutes ago, petrolheadno1 said:

But police would carry out an investigation and eventually the suspect will get caught. People get convinced for a crime several years later when technology advances. 

My friends wife didn't pursue an investigation or dig into what he got up to during his stag do. After the stag they went abroad and the wedding happened and they are still together. They just bought a larger house. 

There's numerous unsolved murders out there. But that's pedantics, it's an analogy, you, you get my point.

Yes because she never even suspected he would do such a thing! For me it's just wrong to lie and cheat, end of story. Not getting caught is no justification.

[BaileyB]

5 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

Please remember this is a one of thing. It's a long term itch I want to scratch and once it is scratched that's it I'll be going back to my normal life, I can tick it off my list. 

Doubtful.

This is the kind of thing that will keep you going back for more. 

Edited May 24 by BaileyB

[petrolheadno1]

3 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Doubtful.

This is the kind of thing that will keep you going back for more. 

What makes you think that? 

In my mind it's an itch I want to scratch and once I do it, that's it. 

I went to drive a Lamborghini back in 2008, haven't had a desire to go back and drive it again. 

[FredEire]

Just now, petrolheadno1 said:

What makes you think that? 

In my mind it's an itch I want to scratch and once I do it, that's it. 

I went to drive a Lamborghini back in 2008, haven't had a desire to go back and drive it again. 

In your mind, yes.

A lot of gamblers want to go to the casino and hit the jackpot just that one time, then they'll quit forever.

[petrolheadno1]

Just now, FredEire said:

In your mind, yes.

A lot of gamblers want to go to the casino and hit the jackpot just that one time, then they'll quit forever.

Well with the Lamborghini experience trust me putting your foot down and hearing that engine roar, gives you goosebumps, and was exhilarating. The way it accelerates so fast and going around the corners. It was awesome. It releases dopamine and endorphins. But I haven't had a craving to go back despite having easy access to that service. 

[Gebidozo]

Guys, that is hardly the point. OP is intending to cheat. Whether one time, two times, 367782 times, what matters is that he wants to go through it while finding appalling justifications.

[Sony12]

Go to AshleyMadison and submit all your credit card information and they will find a gal for you.