do you think he will come back?

[stillafool]

12 minutes ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

So I didn’t want to order 2 soups. 

So you did want soup.  Why didn't you just buy your own food order and take it home with you and let him have all of his food?  He was the one who was sick.  That is not very supportive and a bit selfish.

[Alpacalia]

Geesh lady, I thought I was blunt but it seems like you may possibly make me look demure. You essentially told this guy that he was f'ing lazy & lacked motivation, yes?  How was this any different than his initial comment that he was 'greedy'?  Especially while he's ill.

Truth be told, you made a big mistake in casting aspersions toward your partner without any real cause whatsoever.

 In this way you have shown a callousness that may be too much for this ill person to bear.  

Of course, you loved him and acted out over your concern for being with him through his hardest moments! How this became selfishness in your definition didn't make any sense. It was certainly a defensive maneuver that became a humiliating act of aggression which was entirely unnecessary.  

No surprise that this man is angry...not only did you smear him without any underlying issue thusly insulting him, you also followed up with a hysteria of possessiveness that plainly wasn't needed.

In fact, he was muttering that you always talk about your new job. I rather doubt simple complaints, it appears that he did not volunteer to be ill. Nor would he volunteer to continually scratch that sore like nurses have to do to make it heal up sooner. Lest he detest you personally I'm guessing by his response otherwise he's trying to get over this ridiculousness from someplace safe.

I'm curious, why were you so angry with him that you chose to hurl a denigration upon his head?

[notyouraveragebabe]

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

But you said that you didn't want soup....just a taste.  I imagine that this is what he agreed to.  Then you took half

Possibly, given he’s sick he wanted the soup. He mentioned I don’t care for him because if I did I would give him the soup. 

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

Ex was sick and wanted to sleep at home so he can rest and I avoid getting sick.I took him to get soup a nd dropped him home. He asked me to come inside for a little , but it was late and I wanted him to rest. So I went home.

The way you worded this is that you took him to get soup and dropped him off at home.  Not that you guys bought dinner.  He asked you to come in but you went home.  Did you divide all that food in the car and eat of half his soup before you decided to drive home?  Anyway, it's doubtful he wants more of this treatment so it's more than likely over.

Edited May 24, 2024 by stillafool

[notyouraveragebabe]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

The way you worded this is that you took him to get soup and dropped him off at home.  Not that you guys bought dinner.  He asked you to come in but you went home.  Did you divide all that food in the car and eat of half his soup before you decided to drive home?

We ate at the restaurant. Then he wanted to check out the dessert places, so we went after. Then I dropped him home. He wanted to spend more time with me so asked to get dessert before I dropped him home to sleep. 

[notyouraveragebabe]

13 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So you did want soup.  Why didn't you just buy your own food order and take it home with you and let him have all of his food?  He was the one who was sick.  That is not very supportive and a bit selfish.

If I could go back in time. I would have just picked up soup and let him eat the entire bowl at home. He’s sick. I should have let him rest and stayed made sure he was ok before I left. I think he was annoyed because this didn’t happen. The last time I was sick he dropped off soup and left. He maybe wanted the same treatment. I wish he would have communicated that. 

[stillafool]

8 minutes ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

He maybe wanted the same treatment. I wish he would have communicated that. 

He probably wishes you had realized this without him having to spell it out.

[notyouraveragebabe]

15 minutes ago, stillafool said:

He probably wishes you had realized this without him having to spell it out.

I think this is why it really ended. He wanted me to care more, and be less selfish. 

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

I think this is why it really ended. He wanted me to care more, and be less selfish. 

That AND you verbally attacking him

[notyouraveragebabe]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

That AND you verbally attacking him

That was the straw that broke the camels back 

[Gebidozo]

OP, it’s unknown whether he’ll come back or not.

But the question you should be asking yourself is not that.

Instead, please ask yourself these three questions:

1) Do you really want to be together with a person who breaks up with you over stupid words you said during an idiotic fight?

2) Did you really love this person, to whom you said such hurtful words without a much provocation at all?

3) Was this relationship really that good if you fought so much?

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

I can’t believe he broke up with me via text. We had a great relationship and were so close.

Do you understand that those two sentences contradict each other?

Great relationships don’t end with text breakups.

2 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

I sent him several apology texts and even a letter with dinner. No response. 

Look, what you said to him was harsh, mean, and hurtful. He had every right to be mad, to sulk, to want to be alone for a while, anything. But breaking up over that? And not even responding to a sincere apology? Seriously?

Either he is a complete crybaby, or you’ve hurt him before like that multiple times, and this was the last straw.

In either case, I think you should start accepting that it’s over. And work on being kinder to your romantic partners in the future.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

1) Do you really want to be together with a person who breaks up with you over stupid words you said during an idiotic fight?

It's OK for for one to have boundaries which include not being verbally attacked

Both my husband and I come from families where our parents didn't say mean things to each other, and neither of us would accept it in our own relationships either.  

[Gebidozo]

14 hours ago, basil67 said:

It's OK for for one to have boundaries which include not being verbally attacked

Both my husband and I come from families where our parents didn't say mean things to each other, and neither of us would accept it in our own relationships either.  

Really, you guys never said anything mean to each other? That’s great, and really rare.

I only began to understand the destructive power of hurtful words recently. My fiancée never says anything hurtful to me, but a few of my exes used to say horrible things, and so did I, unfortunately. I used to think that no amount of hurtful words could kill love. Now I’m not so sure anymore.

I still think that breaking up over one such instance is incompatible with real love and forgiveness. If the OP constantly said terrible things to her BF, then yes, I’d understand him.

Edited May 25, 2024 by Gebidozo

[basil67]

5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Really, you guys never said anything mean to each other? That’s great, and really rare.

I only began to understand the destructive power of hurtful words recently. My fiancée never says anything hurtful to me, but a few of my exes used to say horrible things, and so did I, unfortunately. I used to think that no amount of hurtful words could kill love. Now I’m not so sure anymore.

I still think that breaking up over one such instance is incompatible with real love and forgiveness. If the OP constantly said terrible things to her BF, then yes, I’d understand him.

No, never.  We've been together over 30 years.  We certainly bicker and have had words about how the behaviour of one has affected the other, but we stay on topic and never use insults.  I would forgive insults if I'd done something really vile, but name calling after a disagreement about soup portions early in a relationship?  Hell no, I'd be out of there.  If that's how they react after a soup incident, how are they going to react if I crash the car? 😬 

As for the OP, in her first post she said "We would fight, and especially on vacations. Things were said that couldn’t have been taking back, but we seem to get through all the fights until this last one"  and also " you guys are correct I have lashed out before, but not to this extent. He thought I would change, he mentioned I haven’t changed on another occasion".  And this is all in the space of less than a year.

Edited May 25, 2024 by basil67

[basil67]

23 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

I told him I wanted to try it first before he puts his germs on it

vs

On 5/25/2024 at 5:55 AM, notyouraveragebabe said:

I guess I didn’t see he was sick

I'm glad you're seeking therapy for your anger issues, but you must also address your lack of honesty. There are so many inconsistencies in your story!   "I just wanted a taste of his soup" vs "I took half" is another one. 

 You can't be credible in a disagreement with a partner if you are going to lie to get yourself out of it.

[notyouraveragebabe]

23 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Do you understand that those two sentences contradict each other?

Great relationships don’t end with text breakups.

Look, what you said to him was harsh, mean, and hurtful. He had every right to be mad, to sulk, to want to be alone for a while, anything. But breaking up over that? And not even responding to a sincere apology? Seriously?

Either he is a complete crybaby, or you’ve hurt him before like that multiple times, and this was the last straw.

In either case, I think you should start accepting that it’s over. And work on being kinder to your romantic partners in the future.

I think this was my third time lashing out  he wanted a change 

[notyouraveragebabe]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

No, never.  We've been together over 30 years.  We certainly bicker and have had words about how the behaviour of one has affected the other, but we stay on topic and never use insults.  I would forgive insults if I'd done something really vile, but name calling after a disagreement about soup portions early in a relationship?  Hell no, I'd be out of there.  If that's how they react after a soup incident, how are they going to react if I crash the car? 😬 

As for the OP, in her first post she said "We would fight, and especially on vacations. Things were said that couldn’t have been taking back, but we seem to get through all the fights until this last one"  and also " you guys are correct I have lashed out before, but not to this extent. He thought I would change, he mentioned I haven’t changed on another occasion".  And this is all in the space of less than a year.

Wow. I needed to hear this 

[notyouraveragebabe]

On 5/24/2024 at 8:30 PM, Gebidozo said:

OP, it’s unknown whether he’ll come back or not.

But the question you should be asking yourself is not that.

Instead, please ask yourself these three questions:

1) Do you really want to be together with a person who breaks up with you over stupid words you said during an idiotic fight?

2) Did you really love this person, to whom you said such hurtful words without a much provocation at all?

3) Was this relationship really that good if you fought so much?

Some great questions. I’m reflecting now. But need time to make this decision. A week isn’t enough time. 

[ExpatInItaly]

This isn't about the dang soup. 

It's about built-up resentment and a relationship that doesn't work. The Great Soup Event was simply the catalyst to end something that wasn't functional anymore. He was unhappy, you were unhappy. Your words hurt him too much this time, and he's done. 

But it would have ended anyway. No soup for you. 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

Some great questions. I’m reflecting now. But need time to make this decision. A week isn’t enough time. 

Sweetie, reflection is a great thing, but the decision is already made

[notyouraveragebabe]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

Sweetie, reflection is a great thing, but the decision is already made

He still hasn’t replied….. its been 6 days 

[basil67]

11 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

He still hasn’t replied….. its been 6 days 

He'd already broken up with you....there's no reason for him to respond

[notyouraveragebabe]

Thank you everyone for your support. I really needed to vent and hear some feedback. I was breaking down inside. Haven’t had a moment to cry, been on a work trip with my boss glued to my waist and being micromanaged all damn day. I wish I have my bf for support. 
 

this hurts so much. 
 

his apt is filled with mostly my things. I basically lived there. He needs to return it soon. I don’t want to ask yet 

Edited May 26, 2024 by notyouraveragebabe

[basil67]

@notyouraveragebabe While there is no need for him to discuss the breakup with you, he will need to respond regarding giving your stuff back.   

Have you sent a message simply saying that you need to organise getting your things from him?  Suggest that he could put it in a box for your collection - or have it delivered to you