I have feelings for him but we have a age gap of 7 years what should I do?

[TangledFlinn]

I have feelings for my tutor,Im 19 years old and he's 26 .We have been taking courses together for almost month.He's super cute and im very into him and I keep getting mixed signals.But idk what to do.For example; he said that im funny and unique and that he will never forget me.He laughs at everything I say and he loves to tease me.He also tries to convince me to love cehm (because he gives me chem courses)because I told him before that I don't like them.The problem is that next week is my last course with him.Idk what to do, and Im scared that he doesn't actually has a interest in me and that he sees me as a little girl.

HELP

Edited May 24, 2024 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[stillafool]

Is he single?

[ironpony]

I think it's okay.  My current SO is 16 years younger than me.  And years ago I had an SO that was 7 years older than me.  I think it should be okay to pursue him.

[smackie9]

Have to be careful with this...he may find you attractive but it doesn't mean he has feelings for you. Know the difference in intentions. It could be purely of sexual interest and nothing more so stop being so romantically invested, or believe in fairy tales about him being a prince charming. Sure go for it, you are an adult but keep your expectations at the door.

[BaileyB]

I’m not going to say that it can’t happen because my brother and sister in law were about your age when they met. 

I agree with smackie though - be careful not to confuse kindness and friendly banter with romantic interest. If he is interested in dating you, he will make that very well known. Otherwise, I would assume that he has enjoyed being your tutor and that’s all.

[Lotsgoingon]

The problem here is quite practical, which is that 99 percent of the young women in your position give away their power when they get together with someone 7 years older. And they come away devastated. 

The truth is that 19 and 26 is a huge gap in terms of emotional development and experience--about as big as the gap between 19 and 30.  Now 33 and 40 is not such a huge gap.

You'll attach too hard, bring too much hope in the relationship, fall too hard in love, look up to him far more than he merits and you'll work too hard to impress him and get him to like you. And then he'll dump you at some point and you'll be utterly crushed and feel used. 

 

 

[Harry]

26. Yo has a great amount of life experience what you don’t have.  What was he doing with his life ,  who was he going out with.  Can he have a relationship with someone his age.  You don’t want a father, daughter relationship.  Where he’s in charge, you do what he wants.  You have to be your own person, 

[Gebidozo]

Judging by what I’ve experienced in my own life, saw in the lives of people close to me, and generally heard about, men usually mature much later than women. Chances are that a 26 year old guy is on about the same level of emotional, mental and spiritual maturity as a 19 year old girl.

There is also a good advice concerning age gaps: divide your age by 2 and add 7. You’re just a year younger than the recommended age.

I’m very happy with a woman 18 years younger than myself. 48:2=24+6=30, exactly, the same proportion as your case, according to the above formula.

I think you should be much more concerned about what his intentions are than about your age gap.

 

[Gaeta]

He's a 27 year old man, if he's interested in you he will ask for your number on last day of class. He won't before as it's innapropriate. 

You don't know this guy other than he's cute, he might already have an ex with a couple of kids, you are not at the age yet to play dad's girlfriend.

He may think you're cute but a mature 27 yo would not date a 19 yo girl.  

[Gebidozo]

15 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He may think you're cute but a mature 27 yo would not date a 19 yo girl.  

I don’t even know any 27 year old guy who could be described as “mature”. Men are basically kids at this age (and way beyond), with preciously few exceptions. Chances are that his level of emotional and spiritual maturity is pretty much equal to that of the OP.

 

[stillafool]

On 5/26/2024 at 11:35 PM, Gebidozo said:

I don’t even know any 27 year old guy who could be described as “mature”. Men are basically kids at this age (and way beyond), with preciously few exceptions. Chances are that his level of emotional and spiritual maturity is pretty much equal to that of the OP.

 

I know several 27-29 year old men who are married and already have a family.  They are mature and handling their business.

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

I know several 27-29 year old men who are married and already have a family.  They are mature and handling their business.

I can absolutely believe that some 27 year old men are mature, there are always exceptions to every rule. However, I’ve never known such a person. All my friends were basically overgrown boys at that age (and way beyond that age, too). 

I don’t think being married or having a business has anything to do with mental, emotional or spiritual maturity. My best friend got married when he was 20 and has been a very successful independent businessman since his mid 20’s, but he was a total kid till he got into his late 30’s.

I think I started to have a somewhat mature mindset at the age of 46.

By contrast, most women I know could certainly be described as mature when they were in their late 20’s.

 

Edited June 11, 2024 by Gebidozo

[Nellea]

It’s actually a good thing that the course is finishing because it’s not a good idea to get close to your tutor for many reasons, and he should also know better. 
 

After the course, you could keep in touch via email or add him on social media so you don’t lose contact. I think you should stay friends since you seem to get along really well and the “like” , at least, seems mutual. If you are both still single once you graduate - ask him out on a date! 
I wouldn’t make a move any time soon in this situation… just my opinion…

And please don’t put your life on hold waiting for something to come out of this. There’s so many people in the world and at your age now you should really keep your options open and meet (and date!) more people… Im sure this guy is amazing and who knows? It might work out…. But there are other also amazing guys in the world ⭐️⭐️⭐️
 

Good luck with everything!

[stillafool]

14 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I think I started to have a somewhat mature mindset at the age of 46.

I've never known a man that close to 50 who was still immature.  I don't think that's the norm; but if it's working for you and your girl, and it seems it is, more power to you.