jaynesnow Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 I met this guy on tik tok. He had been messaging me up for months and i finally gave in and responded to his DM. We exchanged numbers because i was slow in texting and requested we chat on whatsapp. He lives and works in another county and asked if we could meet up for a date by the beach today and i was all in. 6hrs before our date my kid got ill and had to attend to her. He asked me to take care of her first and let him know if we could still meet or reschedule. Ofcourse we rescheduled to another weekend. We have been chatting and he says he is desparately looking for a wife. He is been dating for years in the name of knowing someonen only to get left. His last relationship, he got left after he lost his job. I told him for me.. i have to know someone before commiting myself and my daughter. He is okay with that but he says it shouldnt take long. Lol He likes women with kids because to him , they are responsible. Why would someone want a wife soo bad that he is not willing to get to know her first? How would you know if we are fit for marraiage in the first place. Is this normal? Is it a red flag? We have not even met !! Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Is this guy from a conservative, patriarchal culture? Or perhaps he is just a Westerner with that kind of a mindset. In any case, I think you should tread very carefully. People who want something are, as a rule, more difficult to have a relationship with than people who want someone. There are men who will love you because you are you, and then there are men who will love you because you agree to marry them and become a good wife. Which type do you prefer? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 You're correct to be wary. He cannot possibly be ready to marry - not either of you - because he doesn't even know you yet. That should be a clue that he is desperate and not looking to build a solid long-term relationship, at least not right now. Even 6 mos. of intense dating would not be enough to guarantee success. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Huge red flag to me. It's one thing if you two have been serious for a while and he's talking about marriage, another thing entirely to tell a woman you haven't met how "desperate" you are for a wife... 🤢 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 5 hours ago, jaynesnow said: He is been dating for years in the name of knowing someonen only to get left. His last relationship, he got left after he lost his job. These are your warning signs ^ First, we've got the victim mentality. Second, the women are always leaving him (You must ask yourself why he keeps being dumped) Third, there's no context into why he got left after losing his job. (Was he fired due to bad behaviour or too many sick days? Was he retrenched for no fault of his own but made no effort to find a new job?) Plus the fact that you haven't even met him yet. I'd move on from this guy without hesitation 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaynesnow Posted May 27 Author Share Posted May 27 11 hours ago, Gebidozo said: Is this guy from a conservative, patriarchal culture? Or perhaps he is just a Westerner with that kind of a mindset. In any case, I think you should tread very carefully. People who want something are, as a rule, more difficult to have a relationship with than people who want someone. There are men who will love you because you are you, and then there are men who will love you because you agree to marry them and become a good wife. Which type do you prefer? I want someone who will be happy and love me because i am who i am and not because i accepted to marry him. I told him that for me It's a MUST that i know someone before taking that step. I must also live with someone before taking that step. Living with someone is a whole lot of commitment in itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaynesnow Posted May 27 Author Share Posted May 27 6 hours ago, basil67 said: These are your warning signs ^ First, we've got the victim mentality. Second, the women are always leaving him (You must ask yourself why he keeps being dumped) Third, there's no context into why he got left after losing his job. (Was he fired due to bad behaviour or too many sick days? Was he retrenched for no fault of his own but made no effort to find a new job?) Plus the fact that you haven't even met him yet. I'd move on from this guy without hesitation All this got me by surprise. He wanted to get to know me. Then all of a sudden he's there telling me he needs a wife and that he doesn't have enough time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaynesnow Posted May 27 Author Share Posted May 27 9 hours ago, Els said: Huge red flag to me. It's one thing if you two have been serious for a while and he's talking about marriage, another thing entirely to tell a woman you haven't met how "desperate" you are for a wife... 🤢 Red flag indeed... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaynesnow Posted May 27 Author Share Posted May 27 11 hours ago, Alpacalia said: You're correct to be wary. He cannot possibly be ready to marry - not either of you - because he doesn't even know you yet. That should be a clue that he is desperate and not looking to build a solid long-term relationship, at least not right now. Even 6 mos. of intense dating would not be enough to guarantee success. He should now proceed to look elsewhere as i am no longer interested anymore. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 I would be weary of a man who is in a hurry to marry a woman with a kid. For obvious reasons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 This guy sounds like a scam looking for a passage in your country. You're a mother first. Do not get yourself involved with men in other counties, this is not safe. Pick a local man you can get to know and get a chance to judge him by his actions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 On 5/26/2024 at 9:25 AM, jaynesnow said: Why would someone want a wife soo bad that he is not willing to get to know her first? We have not even met !! How would you know if we are fit for marraiage in the first place. Is this normal? Is it a red flag? This is likely either a play for an immigration visa OR a version of the "mail order bride" phenomenon. He might be sincere, might be a scammer. My gut sense is he's sincere and wants a ("mail order style") bride. It's just a little hard to recognize if you're not in a country that's typically on the "bride" side and he's reaching out directly, not paying a service. My gut sense is far from infallible, BTW. I think you're right to give this a pass if you're not interested in this sort of thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaynesnow Posted June 1 Author Share Posted June 1 Thank you guyd for all your advices. I told the guy that i am not interested and that he should look elsewhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
1HappyGoLucky Posted June 4 Share Posted June 4 On 5/27/2024 at 2:25 AM, jaynesnow said: I met this guy on tik tok. He had been messaging me up for months and i finally gave in and responded to his DM. We exchanged numbers because i was slow in texting and requested we chat on whatsapp. He lives and works in another county and asked if we could meet up for a date by the beach today and i was all in. 6hrs before our date my kid got ill and had to attend to her. He asked me to take care of her first and let him know if we could still meet or reschedule. Ofcourse we rescheduled to another weekend. We have been chatting and he says he is desparately looking for a wife. He is been dating for years in the name of knowing someonen only to get left. His last relationship, he got left after he lost his job. I told him for me.. i have to know someone before commiting myself and my daughter. He is okay with that but he says it shouldnt take long. Lol He likes women with kids because to him , they are responsible. Why would someone want a wife soo bad that he is not willing to get to know her first? How would you know if we are fit for marraiage in the first place. Is this normal? Is it a red flag? We have not even met !! This person has relayed past experiences to envoke sympathy and it sounds like he is telling you what he thinks you want to hear. It suggests there is emotional manipulation at hand. I am sceptical as to whether this person is genuine and would most definitely be on the lookout for alterior motives because his behaviour is not normal. My best guess is that he has been email bombing many people in an attempt to achieve what he is looking for. Either way, do you really want to further invest into a relationship out of sympathy? I believe you already know the answer to your question. You have red flags and are looking for confirmation. ⚠️ Always trust your gut. Your instincts are right. Protect yourself and your daughter ❤️ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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