I caught my GF chatting with her ex-BF. Should I forgive?

[LonelyB]

I (30M) had a relationship with my girlfriend (30F) for 7 months. When I saw that she was getting notifications from dating apps in our first month, I got angry and told her that if you want to be with someone else, we can break up. Because I saw that you were secretly messaging someone. She said that these messages were sent to her friends on some kind of mobile game chat group. I asked her to delete the accounts on the dating apps and she did so. Everything was going normally. I was constantly taking her to work with my car. Sometimes I would pick it up from school. I was cooking for her. I was even massaging her back. I thought she liked me too.

But on the 7th month, I caught her secretly listening to a voicemail. But she turned it off when she noticed me. When I went through her computer, I saw that this person was her ex-boyfriend. They did not see each other closely, but they had a long-distance relationship online before me.. She has been talking to this person from time to time since we met. Sometimes she sent her moms photo and herself, sometimes talked to place where she lives, sometimes about foods, sometimes about the weather. She never told him ex-boyfriend about me or that she was in a relationship. Since her ex-boyfriend didn't know this, he sent a voicemail about her loving things. I'm thinking of you, I miss you, etc. Even though I got angry when I saw this, I remained silent and waited for my girlfriend's reaction.

At the end of the next day, she only replied the voicemail with "Oh" and nothing else. I couldn't accept this and decided to break up with her. Because I had always treated her very well and remained loyal to her. I told her I wanted to break up, but she couldn't accept it. She asked me for last chance. I reminded her that I had given her that chance before and warned her about cheating in the first month, but she cried a lot. She said she wasn't cheating on me, it was just something online that was virtual and not real.

I can't be sure whether she loves me or not because she is an international student and I am a citizen of the country we live in. I can't be sure if her true intention is my love or a shortcut to citizenship. Finally, she wrote me a letter full of love after I broke up with her. She says she wants to get back together with me and that she won't repeat the mistakes she made. But I don't want to be cheated on again in the future. This scares me. I do not know what will I do. She was my first girlfriend and my heart is broken.

[Gebidozo]

Chatting with exes is ok as long as both sides know where they stand and don’t cross lines. This doesn’t seem to be your GF’s case. Er ex doesn’t even know about your relationship and he keeps sending her romantic messages. While this is not cheating per se, it’s definitely something that she should stop doing if she wants to be with you.

However, the biggest problem is this:

6 hours ago, LonelyB said:

I can't be sure whether she loves me or not because she is an international student and I am a citizen of the country we live in. I can't be sure if her true intention is my love or a shortcut to citizenship.

If this is how you feel, then there is no point in getting back together. Trust is absolutely essential in a relationship. If you forgive her, you have to make sure that you trust her. 

[Gaeta]

Let that one go. This would be the 2nd change you're giving her and 'chances' don't work. She fooled you once, then twice and you're giving her the chance to fool you a 3rd time? C'mon! the sea if full of 'better' women you can date. 

[FredEire]

Her behaviour seems a bit iffy, but it's a big no-no to look through her personal messages as well.

It doesn't seem like there was any trust in the relationship. Better to let it go.

[smackie9]

The answer is ....no. 

[S2B]

No - you can’t trust her. She’s not being honest. Not honest with you and not honest with her ex BF.