Alpacalia Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 (edited) 1 hour ago, Orochilove said: I understand we’re broken up but how can he see someone so fast? All the while talking to me. He said he knows what he’s doing to the other girl is wrong but it’s how he feels. He said he’s willing to leave her for me if we can work out our relationship and come to a compromise and we’ll get married The Russian girl is not the crux of your issue --- it is a symptom of the issue of you breaking up with him numerous times because he isn't as affectionate as you want, he's robotic, whichever, which he has offered to change, and you have now stalked him and set up traps, and seem to have lost the ability to see healthy boundaries. I believe you need to get therapy as soon as you can. Find a good therapist and start working on yourself to figure out why you behaved the way you did and how to handle your emotions in a more mature and healthy way. He was not just some guy with his dog. He was a partner and he did warn you that the dog would be his forever. You knew the deal but you didn't communicate well. He didn't cheat on you at all. Being lonely is normal after a breakup and finding someone else does not constitute cheating. If he is not an affectionate person and isn't as affectionate as you'd like, then end it and go on your way. You want someone that is more affectionate. Let this guy off the hook and give your idea of a perfect relationship more of a chance. Do not get hung up on the man with his dog. You both go your separate ways wanting different things than one another. Edited May 27 by Alpacalia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orochilove Posted May 27 Author Share Posted May 27 1 hour ago, stillafool said: He's probably telling the Russian lady the same things he's telling you. Him saying this: This indicates that they ARE together. Not sure what he’s telling her. I also tried to tell the Russian girl that he’s a liar and he’s also talking to me, and she told me to f off Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 4 minutes ago, Orochilove said: Not sure what he’s telling her. I also tried to tell the Russian girl that he’s a liar and he’s also talking to me, and she told me to f off That's because he's probably told her you're bitter because he doesn't want you. So she of course believes him and thinks you are only saying that to tear them apart and she's letting you know she isn't going anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 2 hours ago, Orochilove said: He said he’s willing to leave her for me if we can work out our relationship and come to a compromise and we’ll get married You and he both sound way, WAY too immature to get married. If you think it would be a responsible decision to marry this guy then you need some serious help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orochilove Posted May 28 Author Share Posted May 28 8 hours ago, Alpacalia said: The Russian girl is not the crux of your issue --- it is a symptom of the issue of you breaking up with him numerous times because he isn't as affectionate as you want, he's robotic, whichever, which he has offered to change, and you have now stalked him and set up traps, and seem to have lost the ability to see healthy boundaries. I believe you need to get therapy as soon as you can. Find a good therapist and start working on yourself to figure out why you behaved the way you did and how to handle your emotions in a more mature and healthy way. He was not just some guy with his dog. He was a partner and he did warn you that the dog would be his forever. You knew the deal but you didn't communicate well. He didn't cheat on you at all. Being lonely is normal after a breakup and finding someone else does not constitute cheating. If he is not an affectionate person and isn't as affectionate as you'd like, then end it and go on your way. You want someone that is more affectionate. Let this guy off the hook and give your idea of a perfect relationship more of a chance. Do not get hung up on the man with his dog. You both go your separate ways wanting different things than one another. Thank you for that. I’ve tried to let him go but it is him that keeps returning to me. Every time I left him (also broke up and didn’t mean to as I have a temper problem), he was understanding and always pursued me. Just like this time, I ghosted him over 7 times and he’d show up at my house telling me not to ghost him and just talk to him because he needs closure. But then we always made up. i still view it as cheating even though he told me that he would be with me if were to make things right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orochilove Posted May 28 Author Share Posted May 28 7 hours ago, stillafool said: That's because he's probably told her you're bitter because he doesn't want you. So she of course believes him and thinks you are only saying that to tear them apart and she's letting you know she isn't going anywhere. You’re probably right but from what I know of him maybe not. He’s fairly honest, and he’s very charming. He’s one of those guys that can really talk. So maybe you’re right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orochilove Posted May 28 Author Share Posted May 28 9 hours ago, Gaeta said: What a joke this guy is. He's negociating his return as if he's a gift from god to any woman. What he's doing to her, he'll do to you eventually, maybe he's doing it to her right now. Please tell me he's at least 6'4" with the body of an olympian! and works for NASA, and he comes with 4 summer houses. If not...please move on! He said he doesn’t want to be alone. But that I’m his first priority and if I can work things out with him as in come to a compromise on not screaming (I do yell a lot while he’s calm), I don’t curse him out, and that I understand his pet is his pet not a romantic partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orochilove Posted May 28 Author Share Posted May 28 Btw just want to thank everyone who responded. It helps me a lot to talk and listen about this, really thank you all Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orochilove Posted May 28 Author Share Posted May 28 6 hours ago, ShyViolet said: You and he both sound way, WAY too immature to get married. If you think it would be a responsible decision to marry this guy then you need some serious help. I think he would treat me well, he did when we’re together minus the low affection that I didn’t like he was a good man. I know I’m a bit immature, and he’s a little crazy himself but I love him Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 10 hours ago, Orochilove said: I understand we’re broken up but how can he see someone so fast? All the while talking to me. He said he knows what he’s doing to the other girl is wrong but it’s how he feels. He said he’s willing to leave her for me if we can work out our relationship and come to a compromise and we’ll get married And you’re still considering doing that? You’re both behaving like immature, insecure, selfish kids. Please don’t get married. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 10 hours ago, Orochilove said: He says he’s fine but I know he isn’t. No way he’s ok writing me hand written letters and emails me daily :(. What do his hand written letters have to do with anything? All I can deduce from those is that he is a weak, possessive, emotionally manipulative little kid who’s afraid of being alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 10 hours ago, Gaeta said: I beleive it's called monkey branching. Go from one girl to the other one, making sure he won't end up without someone for 2 minutes. It's not *you* he wants, he wants someone to fill the spot. Exactly, he is monkey-branching. And the OP, instead of realizing what kind of a pathetic guy he is, keeps telling herself he is great because he writes her letters, tells her he can’t live without her, and might even marry her. Unbelievable. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 1 hour ago, Orochilove said: Thank you for that. I’ve tried to let him go but it is him that keeps returning to me. Every time I left him (also broke up and didn’t mean to as I have a temper problem), he was understanding and always pursued me. Just like this time, I ghosted him over 7 times and he’d show up at my house telling me not to ghost him and just talk to him because he needs closure. But then we always made up. i still view it as cheating even though he told me that he would be with me if were to make things right. Well, you know what they say - fool you once, shame on him, fool you twice, shame on you. You keep falling for his crap like an infatuated schoolgirl. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 1 hour ago, Orochilove said: He said he doesn’t want to be alone. No kidding. How come you don’t understand that this, in itself, is already a red flag? A person must be at peace with themselves and fully accept themselves being alone before they can have a truly meaningful relationship with someone else. 1 hour ago, Orochilove said: But that I’m his first priority You shouldn’t be his first priority. You should be his only priority. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orochilove Posted May 28 Author Share Posted May 28 16 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: And you’re still considering doing that? You’re both behaving like immature, insecure, selfish kids. Please don’t get married. Yes because he is willing to leave it all for me. Doesn’t that show something ? I love him a lot, and he does do things that he says he will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orochilove Posted May 28 Author Share Posted May 28 Just now, Gebidozo said: No kidding. How come you don’t understand that this, in itself, is already a red flag? A person must be at peace with themselves and fully accept themselves being alone before they can have a truly meaningful relationship with someone else. You shouldn’t be his first priority. You should be his only priority. I knew he had issues but I couldn’t help my attraction towards him. I guess I lack some logic and have a big heart. he was very kind to me when we’re together. He did a lot of little things too which meant a lot to me. the only salvaging thing is that h didn’t deny what he was doing, he admitttd to everything and said that he will leave it all if we can compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 27 minutes ago, Orochilove said: Yes because he is willing to leave it all for me. Doesn’t that show something ? Sure, it shows that he is a pathetic loser who absolutely can’t be single and is manipulating naive girls into believing that he is deeply in love with them. 28 minutes ago, Orochilove said: I love him a lot You don’t spy on someone you love a lot. You don’t become jealous of the dog of someone you love a lot. You don’t let someone whom you love a lot become a creepy stalker. You don’t get exchanged for a new girl in a matter of days by someone you love a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 29 minutes ago, Orochilove said: I knew he had issues but I couldn’t help my attraction towards him. I guess I lack some logic and have a big heart. This has nothing to do with the size of your heart, and everything to do with your mental insecurity and emotional immaturity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orochilove Posted May 28 Author Share Posted May 28 11 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Sure, it shows that he is a pathetic loser who absolutely can’t be single and is manipulating naive girls into believing that he is deeply in love with them. You don’t spy on someone you love a lot. You don’t become jealous of the dog of someone you love a lot. You don’t let someone whom you love a lot become a creepy stalker. You don’t get exchanged for a new girl in a matter of days by someone you love a lot. He was single for a long time before me, previously he was married. He said he didn’t want to be alone because he was so used to me staying with him. I told him why are you with another woman you should be focusing on working things out with me. He said ok give me a word that you will I will drop everything Link to post Share on other sites
OKtoday Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 He may have been seeing both of you the entire time and maybe that’s why he did not want photos taken or posted. Move on and allow someone better to enter your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orochilove Posted May 28 Author Share Posted May 28 39 minutes ago, OKtoday said: He may have been seeing both of you the entire time and maybe that’s why he did not want photos taken or posted. Move on and allow someone better to enter your life. He wasn’t for sure. I stayed with him 3-4 days a week. He just didn’t like taking pictures at all and it was evident when I saw his photo albums in his phone he had almost 0 pictures on his phone of himself, just pics of his dog, and food. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 6 hours ago, Orochilove said: told him why are you with another woman you should be focusing on working things out with me. He said ok give me a word that you will I will drop everything If he loved you as he says he would have dropped her already to show you his seriousness. This guy is telling you he loves you and wants you then turns around and has sex with Russian girl. He's ALL words, and no actions. He has 'done' nothing 'with actions' to show you he wants you back like drop the girl, call, ask to meet to talk it out. He can't even dial your number.....c'mon. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 9 hours ago, Orochilove said: Thank you for that. I’ve tried to let him go but it is him that keeps returning to me. Every time I left him (also broke up and didn’t mean to as I have a temper problem), he was understanding and always pursued me. Just like this time, I ghosted him over 7 times and he’d show up at my house telling me not to ghost him and just talk to him because he needs closure. But then we always made up. i still view it as cheating even though he told me that he would be with me if were to make things right. You ghosted him seven times so maybe it's time to leave him in the past. Sorry, your relationship is toxic. Ghosting, breaking up and getting back together, not addressing issues, on and off sexual relationship. This is not it. It should never feel like "make up like it was wrong." This is not healthy hobby to keep a relationship. It's not a good relationship and it's a common theme every time toxic in it besides the sex. This on-and-off, drama-filled emotional cycle between two people who are not capable of properly communicating is not healthy for either of you. It doesn't matter if he's in Korea or another country. He is not capable of having a mature, healthy relationship. You are not capable either as long as you stay in a loop of breaking up and getting back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orochilove Posted May 28 Author Share Posted May 28 23 minutes ago, Gaeta said: If he loved you as he says he would have dropped her already to show you his seriousness. This guy is telling you he loves you and wants you then turns around and has sex with Russian girl. He's ALL words, and no actions. He has 'done' nothing 'with actions' to show you he wants you back like drop the girl, call, ask to meet to talk it out. He can't even dial your number.....c'mon. that’s true, he keeps saying “what if you don’t want to compromise?” “I will 100% leave her if you and I promise each other we will try our best” then I blocked him without a word. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orochilove Posted May 28 Author Share Posted May 28 17 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: You ghosted him seven times so maybe it's time to leave him in the past. Sorry, your relationship is toxic. Ghosting, breaking up and getting back together, not addressing issues, on and off sexual relationship. This is not it. It should never feel like "make up like it was wrong." This is not healthy hobby to keep a relationship. It's not a good relationship and it's a common theme every time toxic in it besides the sex. This on-and-off, drama-filled emotional cycle between two people who are not capable of properly communicating is not healthy for either of you. It doesn't matter if he's in Korea or another country. He is not capable of having a mature, healthy relationship. You are not capable either as long as you stay in a loop of breaking up and getting back together. I want to make it untoxic, like be more kind and understanding, but when I get triggered I can’t help but explode, I can’t seem to control it. to be honest he was much more stable than me. I just wish he would forget about this girl and come running to me begging for forgiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
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