I love my ex but he's a mysterious man

[Orochilove]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

It's not normal for your culture. It's  normal for half the planet though. If you lived in North America it's pretty normal to be affectionate towards our pets. If you want to date someone from a different culture you need to loosen up a little. 

I’m Dutch but I grew up in a Vietnamese family.  Our family always kept animals outside.  Maybe this is why but i was sure that most people don not treat animals like humans 

[stillafool]

13 minutes ago, Orochilove said:

Because he spends all week with the dog but I only see him a few times a week and I wanted all of his attention to myself.

That's selfish.  Petting a dog is not taking affection from you.  You could ask that the he put his dog on the other side of him so she is not in the middle.   You're probably jealous that the dog is a female. My gawd, what would you do if you have kids that want his undivided attention?  You'd be jealous of them too.  You need therapy.

Edited May 29 by stillafool

[Orochilove]

1 hour ago, SoulCat said:

 

Wow, just wow.

He trusted you enough to leave you alone in his home while he was at work, and this is how you repay him?

What the hell, lady?
You went through his stuff that was packed away in his attic? 

You had absolutely no right to rifle through the man's personal belongings.
On what planet is it okay to violate someone's boundaries like that, in their own home?
I would have been furious if someone did that to me, and I would have tossed your backside out without hesitation. For good.

And if that wasn't enough,  you have the temerity to blow up at him for having done things with a previous partner that he hasn't done with you? 
That is so, so messed up.

 

I don't even know where to start with this, as it's one of the most egregious things I've read in quite some time here.

Absolutely vile.

I went through his stuff because my gut told me not to trust him.  Because he didn’t want to do all the cutesy couple stuff, I thought maybe he was hiding something.

then my gut instinct was right. He did things with his ex wife that he didn’t want to do it with me and that hurt me and made me insecure 

[SoulCat]

1 hour ago, Orochilove said:

I went through his stuff because my gut told me not to trust him.  Because he didn’t want to do all the cutesy couple stuff, I thought maybe he was hiding something.

then my gut instinct was right. He did things with his ex wife that he didn’t want to do it with me and that hurt me and made me insecure 

None of that is an excuse for your appalling behaviour, your lack of respect for his boundaries and property and your out of control temper.

The fact that you are still defending your actions is quite worrying.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Orochilove said:

He did things with his ex wife that he didn’t want to do it with me and that hurt me and made me insecure

Maybe was in love with her.

[Gebidozo]

7 hours ago, Orochilove said:

But still I flipped out many times because he would pat her while he’s with me when I asked him not to

I find it hard to understand why he didn’t break up with you the first time you “flipped out” over that.

This must have been some kind of a co-dependent relationship.

[Orochilove]

8 hours ago, stillafool said:

That's selfish.  Petting a dog is not taking affection from you.  You could ask that the he put his dog on the other side of him so she is not in the middle.   You're probably jealous that the dog is a female. My gawd, what would you do if you have kids that want his undivided attention?  You'd be jealous of them too.  You need therapy.

No, I just didn’t understand why he has to give dog attention if he lives with her.  He has many days where he can spend time with her and I wanted all of his attention to myself.

how is this too much to ask someone?

[Orochilove]

7 hours ago, stillafool said:

Maybe was in love with her.

He said he did it a few times because she begged him many times.  He took 1 Photo Booth with me that’s it.  And some selfies at his house after a nice date.  But he even wore black with her together, took her on business flights to Bali, but it with me.  How can I feel loved?

[Orochilove]

5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I find it hard to understand why he didn’t break up with you the first time you “flipped out” over that.

This must have been some kind of a co-dependent relationship.

Because he loved me.  I know I’m difficult but he put up with me a lot and I felt bad a lot of the times.  But he made me insecure and it became wors 

[Orochilove]

5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I find it hard to understand why he didn’t break up with you the first time you “flipped out” over that.

This must have been some kind of a co-dependent relationship.

This was the major reason why he said he couldn’t make me happy.  We broke up over it eventually because he said I was never happy with anything and that there will always be something I’ll be upset about no matter what he does.  
 

and this hurt me quite badly

[Orochilove]

Just want to take a minute to thank everyone for their perspective.  
 

Honest question is is he wrong for doing what he did? 
 

now you know me a little more and about the relationship, was I in the wrong too?

[NuevoYorko]

11 hours ago, Orochilove said:

 Honest question is is he wrong for doing what he did? 
 

now you know me a little more and about the relationship, was I in the wrong too?

Of course you were both "in the wrong."   Since you're the one posting here,  you're the one whose behavior is getting all the attention.

Your outbursts, concern about things like wearing matching outfits and selfies and especially being jealous of a dog - heavens woman!  Get a grip!  You can't be in any kind of functional relationship unless you get rid of some of this ridiculous baggage.   Nobody who values their time and sanity will knowingly sign up for that.

[stillafool]

14 hours ago, Orochilove said:

I know I’m difficult but he put up with me a lot and I felt bad a lot of the times.  But he made me insecure and it became wors 

No you made yourself insecure.  I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did.

14 hours ago, Orochilove said:

he said I was never happy with anything and that there will always be something I’ll be upset about no matter what he does.  

He got that part right.

12 hours ago, Orochilove said:

Honest question is is he wrong for doing what he did? 

No he is not.

12 hours ago, Orochilove said:

now you know me a little more and about the relationship, was I in the wrong too?

Absolutely!

I think you need to either find a man in your own country who has the same ideas about dogs and other things that you do who is more compatible with you and your ideas. Or, go through independent counseling to address your extreme jealousy if you are going to continue to try to date men in the US.

 

[Orochilove]

10 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

Of course you were both "in the wrong."   Since you're the one posting here,  you're the one whose behavior is getting all the attention.

Your outbursts, concern about things like wearing matching outfits and selfies and especially being jealous of a dog - heavens woman!  Get a grip!  You can't be in any kind of functional relationship unless you get rid of some of this ridiculous baggage.   Nobody who values their time and sanity will knowingly sign up for that.

But these things are so cute.  I wanted these memories with him.  We are both in S Korea and this is what couples do and he thought it was corny and cringey.  
 

what do you think about his behavior getting with another woman after we broke up and trying to make up with me at the same time? I felt cheated tbh because I thought he should focus all on me.  

[Orochilove]

9 hours ago, stillafool said:

No you made yourself insecure.  I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did.

He got that part right.

No he is not.

Absolutely!

I think you need to either find a man in your own country who has the same ideas about dogs and other things that you do who is more compatible with you and your ideas. Or, go through independent counseling to address your extreme jealousy if you are going to continue to try to date men in the US.

 

Do you think he was right to find another woman when we’re broken up at the same time trying to work things out with me? I just ghosted him when I found out and he’s been going crazy trying to contact me asking me for closure.  

[Gebidozo]

33 minutes ago, Orochilove said:

But these things are so cute.  I wanted these memories with him.  We are both in S Korea and this is what couples do and he thought it was corny and cringey.

So what? He is entitled to his opinion. Was it really so important to you that you couldn’t just accept this difference?

 

52 minutes ago, Orochilove said:

what do you think about his behavior getting with another woman after we broke up and trying to make up with me at the same time? I felt cheated tbh because I thought he should focus all on me

Like I said numerous times in this thread, his behavior demonstrates the fact that he is a weak, insecure, and emotionally manipulative person. 

But that doesn’t mean that you are entitled to anything from him after your breakup. He doesn’t owe you anything. If he were a strong, mature, independent man, he would move on and break off all contact with you.

You know, OP, honestly, your posts look like they were written by a spoiled little teenager. Why do you keep thinking that people should be the way you want them to be? That’s a child’s way of thinking. People are what they are. You can’t own them. They don’t owe you anything, especially not when you’ve broken up with them. If you feel you can’t accept something in a person, set them free, remove them from your life. Don’t try to change people, it just doesn’t work.

[Orochilove]

25 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

So what? He is entitled to his opinion. Was it really so important to you that you couldn’t just accept this difference?

 

Like I said numerous times in this thread, his behavior demonstrates the fact that he is a weak, insecure, and emotionally manipulative person. 

But that doesn’t mean that you are entitled to anything from him after your breakup. He doesn’t owe you anything. If he were a strong, mature, independent man, he would move on and break off all contact with you.

You know, OP, honestly, your posts look like they were written by a spoiled little teenager. Why do you keep thinking that people should be the way you want them to be? That’s a child’s way of thinking. People are what they are. You can’t own them. They don’t owe you anything, especially not when you’ve broken up with them. If you feel you can’t accept something in a person, set them free, remove them from your life. Don’t try to change people, it just doesn’t work.

But if you love someone shouldn’t you want to do what they want to do? And he’s a man he should bend a little for me.

I found a pic of him and his ex wife with photobooth and I told him you did it with her why can’t you do it with me? He said she begged him for years and he finally gave in on his dogs birthday.  So eventually he took one with me.

i know he is weak, he admitted to me when I brought it up to him.  He said he’s a coward who’s afraid to be alone but he loves me and that he is willing to leave it all behind for me.  
 

I’ve tried to change for him to reduce my temper, the outbursts, I’ve ghosted him several times during our relationship but secretly I wanted him to come find me because that proves to me he loves me and every single time he did.  
 

I know he misses me a lot and that he will continue to search for me, and that ghosting drives him crazy because he has abandonment issues.

Edited May 31 by Orochilove

[stillafool]

9 hours ago, Orochilove said:

And he’s a man he should bend a little for me.

 

9 hours ago, Orochilove said:

I’ve ghosted him several times during our relationship but secretly I wanted him to come find me because that proves to me he loves me and every single time he did.  

You are terribly selfish and immature..  You expect him to bend for you and do things he doesn't want to do just because he's a man.  Then ghost him so he can prove to you he loves you by chasing after you.  I hope he doesn't do any of those things but moves on to another woman who will respect him and his dog.  Yes he was right to find another woman when you broke up with him.  He can't depend on you.

[Gebidozo]

12 hours ago, Orochilove said:

And he’s a man he should bend a little for me.

This is a pretty outrageous and a blatantly sexist thing to say.

12 hours ago, Orochilove said:

I’ve ghosted him several times during our relationship but secretly I wanted him to come find me because that proves to me he loves me and every single time he did.  

This is the behavior of a self-centered, nasty 12 year old brat.

12 hours ago, Orochilove said:

I know he misses me a lot and that he will continue to search for me, and that ghosting drives him crazy because he has abandonment issues.

My goodness. If he were my close friend or relative, I’d force him to break off all contact with you. You are absolutely toxic. 

[Orochilove]

15 hours ago, stillafool said:

 

You are terribly selfish and immature..  You expect him to bend for you and do things he doesn't want to do just because he's a man.  Then ghost him so he can prove to you he loves you by chasing after you.  I hope he doesn't do any of those things but moves on to another woman who will respect him and his dog.  Yes he was right to find another woman when you broke up with him.  He can't depend on you.

All my previous boyfriends did the same.   And he’s older than me he should be more understanding and the mature one in the relationship.  Does that make me selfish?

he found another woman while trying to reconcile with me, which is cheating in my view.

[Orochilove]

13 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

This is a pretty outrageous and a blatantly sexist thing to say.

This is the behavior of a self-centered, nasty 12 year old brat.

My goodness. If he were my close friend or relative, I’d force him to break off all contact with you. You are absolutely toxic. 

How is it sexist to think men should court women?  He even said men provide and protects and that’s what he did for me.

He was cheated and robbed by his ex wife she was literally stealing his money behind his back with her side boyfriend.  
 

Then he met me a loyal girl friend who never cheated, ok I’m not perfect but I’m better than her but why can’t he treat me better? 

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, Orochilove said:

How is it sexist to think men should court women?  He even said men provide and protects and that’s what he did for me.

Courting is when a guy is hoping to make a woman his girlfriend.  When they become boyfriend and girlfriend, the courting period ends and it becomes a relationship.   If you get mad and leave end relationship, then you cannot expect any self respecting person to go chasing you.  It just doesn't work that way

 

 

[Orochilove]

25 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Courting is when a guy is hoping to make a woman his girlfriend.  When they become boyfriend and girlfriend, the courting period ends and it becomes a relationship.   If you get mad and leave end relationship, then you cannot expect any self respecting person to go chasing you.  It just doesn't work that way

 

 

Shouldn’t they try through out the relationship? How do you keep the relationship alive? Guys have to take their girl friend out on dates all of the time if not it becomes stale.

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, Orochilove said:

Shouldn’t they try through out the relationship? How do you keep the relationship alive? Guys have to take their girl friend out on dates all of the time if not it becomes stale.

Both parties need to make an effort throughout the relationship.  And this includes the woman making plans for dates too  (yes, I am a woman)

That said, the majority of people can't afford to go on dates "all of the time".   Certainly not if they have rent or a mortgage to pay

Edited June 1 by basil67

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Orochilove said:

Then he met me a loyal girl friend who never cheated, ok I’m not perfect but I’m better than her but why can’t he treat me better? 

So just because I don’t cheat on my fiancée, I have the right to say nasty things to her like you did to your ex? Just because I’m funnier than her ex I can yell at her? Just because I earn more money she should treat me better?

That’s some twisted, childish logic you have there.