I love my ex but he's a mysterious man

[Orochilove]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

My very first post in this thread says “What a mess”. Five pages later, I stand by my opinion.

Both you and your ex are very immature people who had an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship.

Again, all I can suggest to you is to grow up. 

Ok I can respect your opinion.  I know I can be immature but he as older man shouldn’t be.  I thought he would handle me better but he always said no man wants to handle anything.  He said he wanted peace but apparently I couldn’t give it to him

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Orochilove said:

Ok I can respect your opinion.  I know I can be immature but he as older man shouldn’t be.  I thought he would handle me better but he always said no man wants to handle anything.  He said he wanted peace but apparently I couldn’t give it to him. 

Your ex is right.  Nobody wants to handle another adult who acts out....and yes, most of us do want peace.  

1 hour ago, Orochilove said:

We all do no? We all do things sometimes we don’t want to do for the person we love.  

And yet, I'm reading about a whole lot of stuff which you wouldn't do.  Having sex that you don't want won't make up for all the other stuff you wouldn't do due to some weird ideas about the role of women

[Gebidozo]

 

4 hours ago, Orochilove said:

I know I’ll be a great wife I’m clean and I can cook pretty well and I’m loyal, I know my worth too.

That’s not a great wife you’re describing here. Maybe a great servant, I don’t know. It’s absolutely ridiculous that you’re proud of being clean, do you mean other women are dirty? Being loyal is a basic requirement in a relationship, nothing to be too proud of, again. Cooking is a nice bonus and a great way to express care, but it’s not what makes or breaks a good wife. A good wife, above all, is a loving, affectionate, supportive, understanding, magnanimous, giving person, none of which you were in your relationship. 

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, Orochilove said:

Ok I can respect your opinion.  I know I can be immature but he as older man shouldn’t be.  I thought he would handle me better but he always said no man wants to handle anything.  He said he wanted peace but apparently I couldn’t give it to him.

Both partners should be mature. And yes, nobody would want to handle a partner who has such outbursts of jealousy and controlling behavior, who demands so much while barely giving anything in return. Of course people want peace, what did you think?

[basil67]

Also, being a good cook is subjective.  If you won't cook for him, how does he know that you're actually good...or can even cook at all?  

And you're not loyal - you've ghosted on him a number of times.   Someone who's loyal sticks with their partner through thick and thin

[Orochilove]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

Your ex is right.  Nobody wants to handle another adult who acts out....and yes, most of us do want peace.  

And yet, I'm reading about a whole lot of stuff which you wouldn't do.  Having sex that you don't want won't make up for all the other stuff you wouldn't do due to some weird ideas about the role of women

If I lived with him I would do more but I only saw him 3 times a week. 
 

im crying like crazy still that he did this to me.

[Orochilove]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

 

That’s not a great wife you’re describing here. Maybe a great servant, I don’t know. It’s absolutely ridiculous that you’re proud of being clean, do you mean other women are dirty? Being loyal is a basic requirement in a relationship, nothing to be too proud of, again. Cooking is a nice bonus and a great way to express care, but it’s not what makes or breaks a good wife. A good wife, above all, is a loving, affectionate, supportive, understanding, magnanimous, giving person, none of which you were in your relationship. 

Being loyal these days is a rare commodity, so many people cheat everywhere it’s disgusting.  
 

im proud that im clean because he was too busy to clean most of the time and I did help him with laundry and stuff

[basil67]

46 minutes ago, Orochilove said:

If I lived with him I would do more but I only saw him 3 times a week. 
 

im crying like crazy still that he did this to me.

You brought it on yourself by being a terrible girlfriend.  What kind of girlfriend calls herself 'loyal' and then keeps ghosting the guy?  And temper tantrums. 

For your own sake, if you're going to start dating again, if you find a good guy, please treat him with respect and love.  Cook him a meal (and let him cook for you in return)  Plan a date. Be careful of your temper,  Don't play silly games of ghosting.

[Orochilove]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

You brought it on yourself by being a terrible girlfriend.  What kind of girlfriend calls herself 'loyal' and then keeps ghosting the guy?  And temper tantrums. 

For your own sake, if you're going to start dating again, if you find a good guy, please treat him with respect and love.  Cook him a meal (and let him cook for you in return)  Plan a date. Be careful of your temper,  Don't play silly games of ghosting.

Is ghosting that bad? I didn’t want to deal with him anymore.  I ghosted because I didn’t want to be with him anymore and he kept coming back.  He would write me, and many times if ghosted he would show up at my house and talk to me.

he said ghosting was the most toxic thing someone can do because it leaves the other person without closure.  He’s still writing me emails everyday but I have not responded.  
 

might sound crazy but it brings me slight joy knowing he’s losing his mind while he’s with his new girl friend.

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, Orochilove said:

s ghosting that bad? I didn’t want to deal with him anymore.  I ghosted because I didn’t want to be with him anymore and he kept coming back.  He would write me, and many times if ghosted he would show up at my house and talk to me.

If you didn't want to deal with him anymore, why did you previously say that you wanted him to chase you?  And why are you crying now that he's finally gone?   And what's all this about you being good and loyal (haha) to a guy who you didn't want to be with.

When things don't make sense, they are probably not true.  And the more outrageous the story, the less likely it is to be true.   

You be trolling...

[Orochilove]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

If you didn't want to deal with him anymore, why did you previously say that you wanted him to chase you?  And why are you crying now that he's finally gone?   And what's all this about you being good and loyal (haha) to a guy who you didn't want to be with.

When things don't make sense, they are probably not true.  And the more outrageous the story, the less likely it is to be true.   

You be trolling...

I am not trolling.  I love him but at my emotions are all over the place and it’s hard for me to control them.

i want him but I want him to prove to me by chasing me and showing and proving himself to me

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Orochilove said:

I am not trolling.  I love him but at my emotions are all over the place and it’s hard for me to control them.

i want him but I want him to prove to me by chasing me and showing and proving himself to me

And what are you doing to prove yourself to him?  You won't even cook him a meal.  If he has to chase you that means you don't love him.  If a person loves you they give their love freely, you don't have to chase them down for it.  You need to grow up, you're almost 30.

[Acacia98]

On 5/30/2024 at 4:50 AM, Orochilove said:

He said he did it a few times because she begged him many times.  He took 1 Photo Booth with me that’s it.  And some selfies at his house after a nice date.  But he even wore black with her together, took her on business flights to Bali, but it with me.  How can I feel loved?

I can't help wondering why this was even a topic of conversation. Was it you who went out of your way to find out what his life with his ex was like or did he, on his own initiative, spend a lot of time talking about her?

[Acacia98]

On 5/29/2024 at 8:24 AM, Orochilove said:

I understand what people are advising me, but how do I just move on?  I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve been crying for 2 months now and feel almost suicidal.  

You're not going to be able to move on as long as you continue stalking him online and receiving communications etc. from him. You need to be able to truly go no contact with him and to maintain that for a long stretch of time. If I were you and I could afford it, I would consider moving and changing all my contact info so that he wouldn't have any way of reaching me.

[Orochilove]

10 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

I can't help wondering why this was even a topic of conversation. Was it you who went out of your way to find out what his life with his ex was like or did he, on his own initiative, spend a lot of time talking about her?

Well I thought he was with holding love from me because he wasn’t affectionate as i wanted him to be.  
 

I had a suspicion that he used to be a different person so I went through his stuff in his attic to find pics and photo albums that he used to keep and found out he did way more for his ex wife than with me.

then I felt worthless 

[Orochilove]

12 hours ago, stillafool said:

And what are you doing to prove yourself to him?  You won't even cook him a meal.  If he has to chase you that means you don't love him.  If a person loves you they give their love freely, you don't have to chase them down for it.  You need to grow up, you're almost 30.

I’m loyal I already showed who I am.  I didn’t fake it like his ex did.  His ex cooked for him and maintained his home for him and he provided for her.  Then she went behind his back siphoned money with her sister and cheated on him with her boss.  
 

im better than that and I thought he would feel lucky to meet someone loyal 

[Gebidozo]

 

On 6/3/2024 at 11:23 PM, Orochilove said:

i want him but I want him to prove to me by chasing me and showing and proving himself to me

Life is too short for this kind of crap. If you love him, take him back, forgive everything, and become a better girlfriend to him. If you don’t love him, leave him alone. In either case, please stop playing those stupid, mean mind games with him.

Edited June 4, 2024 by Gebidozo

[Gebidozo]

11 hours ago, Orochilove said:

I’m loyal I already showed who I am.  I didn’t fake it like his ex did.  His ex cooked for him and maintained his home for him and he provided for her.  Then she went behind his back siphoned money with her sister and cheated on him with her boss.  
 

im better than that and I thought he would feel lucky to meet someone loyal 

 Being loyal is a basic requirement for any good relationship. Why are you constantly comparing yourself to an even worse girlfriend and seem to be proud of it?

You remind me of one guy I knew who was very proud of not beating up his wife. He literally said he was a great husband because his wife’s ex beat her while he didn’t. Every time anyone pointed out to him that he drank, cheated, etc., he would get really offended because he thought he deserved a medal and an absolution of all his sins for not beating his wife.

Edited June 4, 2024 by Gebidozo

[NuevoYorko]

Ok - I really believe that there is nothing more to be said about your situation.   Your relationship was toxic, ALL of your behavior that you've shared was horrible (literally EVERYTHING) and you "dated" for a while, only seeing each other 3 x per week.   

It's over now.

If you would like to have a lovely relationship someday with a fine upstanding fellow, go to a therapist and figure out how to behave like a rational human being.   Take responsibility for your own behavior and don't expect anyone worthwhile to put up with all the nonsense you seem to be bragging about here.   Jealous of a dog ... going through his stuff ... emotional craziness ... hilarious priorities (matching outfits?  Selfies?) 

Work on yourself and become a woman that somebody would enjoy spending time with rather than a source of bizarre drama and nuttiness.  

Then try again with someone new.

[Orochilove]

10 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

 Being loyal is a basic requirement for any good relationship. Why are you constantly comparing yourself to an even worse girlfriend and seem to be proud of it?

You remind me of one guy I knew who was very proud of not beating up his wife. He literally said he was a great husband because his wife’s ex beat her while he didn’t. Every time anyone pointed out to him that he drank, cheated, etc., he would get really offended because he thought he deserved a medal and an absolution of all his sins for not beating his wife.

You’d be surprised how big this is.  He told me he was cheated on both times he was engaged.  So many people cheat now a days that being loyal Is a commodity.  2024 dating is like this now

[Orochilove]

5 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

Ok - I really believe that there is nothing more to be said about your situation.   Your relationship was toxic, ALL of your behavior that you've shared was horrible (literally EVERYTHING) and you "dated" for a while, only seeing each other 3 x per week.   

It's over now.

If you would like to have a lovely relationship someday with a fine upstanding fellow, go to a therapist and figure out how to behave like a rational human being.   Take responsibility for your own behavior and don't expect anyone worthwhile to put up with all the nonsense you seem to be bragging about here.   Jealous of a dog ... going through his stuff ... emotional craziness ... hilarious priorities (matching outfits?  Selfies?) 

Work on yourself and become a woman that somebody would enjoy spending time with rather than a source of bizarre drama and nuttiness.  

Then try again with someone new.

I’m just being myself atleast I don’t put up a fake act like other girls.  I wanted a deep connection with him but I felt he wad emotionally unavailable.  
 

his excuse was that we kept fighting over dumb things and it prevented him from becoming as close as he wanted it to be.  Excuses after excuses I put up with his bs for so long because I’m a good girl.

i will go back in a few weeks and I’ll see if he stops by and if he does I may give him a chance if not bye bye forever 

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, Orochilove said:

You’d be surprised how big this is.  

I’m a 48 years old man with a (to put it mildly) rich and varied romantic past, so there really isn’t much that can surprise me in the realm of romantic relationships. But again, you’re missing the point. Supposing that you’re right and most people cheat, you not cheating still isn’t something you should be so disproportionally proud of. You don’t deserve a medal for not cheating. It’s just one of the basic requirements for a good relationship and there are many others which you don’t fulfill.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Orochilove said:

his excuse was that we kept fighting over dumb things and it prevented him from becoming as close as he wanted it to be.  Excuses after excuses I put up with his bs for so long because I’m a good girl.

These weren't excuses, they were legitimate reasons.  Your behaviour was indeed dumb - it caused him to close up emotionally and eventually walk away.  No man in his right mind should give you a deep connection until you grow up and learn to treat others with respect.  

What do you mean by other girls putting on a fake act?  Do you think that being kind, supportive and reliable are all fakery?

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Orochilove said:

 So many people cheat now a days that being loyal Is a commodity.  

Loyalty is more than staying faithful.  Loyalty also means sticking by someone's side through thick and thin...but you didn't do this.  Your actions of ghosting were no better than cheating

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, Orochilove said:

I’m just being myself atleast I don’t put up a fake act like other girls.

What “other girls”? None of the women I’ve dated have ever “put up a fake act”. You’re just badmouthing other women to justify your own bad behavior. 

And what does “being myself” even mean? Everyone is “being themselves”. The “putting up a fake act”, whatever you mean by that, is just a bad character trait different from your own bad character traits. What kind of twisted ethics are you using to justify your kind of bad behavior by pointing out that some other people display another kind of it?

I used to have that kind of poisonous logic when I was much younger, I was dating a girl and paying for her rent, school fees, and so on, but I also cheated on her once. And I was justifying that cheating by saying to myself, “well, at least you’re providing for her, unlike some other guys! at least you stuck together with her after you had sex, unlike some other guys! at least you’re affectionate and romantic, unlike some other guys!”

Do you see how immoral this line of thinking is?