I just self-sabotaged not one but TWO potential relationships

[BornUnderPunches97]

Week ago, I meet single mother on telegram. We had good time texting and she definitly was interested with me. We were to hook up on weekend but her kid got sick so we had to cancel our plans.

I decided to hook up with another girl but sex was so awful It made me realize how much of a failure as a man I'm. So I just told dress herself up and just left without saying much

She broke off contact with me

Back to the single mom, I texted her today and told her I would not make a good partner because of my inadequacies and that I went on a day behind her back

She was shocked and in disbelief, she asked me how could say things like that. She said she even wanted to pay me a visit today at my workplace

I told her I don't give a s*** and that I'm failure and wished her all the best.

She grown agitated, told me that maybe I'm right, that I just used her and to never contact her again. We still have contact but she definitly wants to claw my eyes out thought the text.

I think I'm just autistic

Oh and I propably need go get checked for STD

[FredEire]

Wow, it's pretty clear you have some serious issues.

Why does having bad sex one time lead you to conclude you're a failure as a man?

Why on earth would you tell this other woman you hooked up with someone "behind her back" when this is presumably someone you haven't even met or have only met a couple of times.

And why would you tell her that you're a failure and rudely reject her offer to see you saying you don't give a s***?

All of this is a bit nasty, both to that woman and yourself. And I wouldn't say it's very typical behaviour, no.

If you think you might actually be on the spectrum it's worth getting checked.

[BornUnderPunches97]

2 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Wow, it's pretty clear you have some serious issues.

Why does having bad sex one time lead you to conclude you're a failure as a man?

Why on earth would you tell this other woman you hooked up with someone "behind her back" when this is presumably someone you haven't even met or have only met a couple of times.

And why would you tell her that you're a failure and rudely reject her offer to see you saying you don't give a s***?

All of this is a bit nasty, both to that woman and yourself. And I wouldn't say it's very typical behaviour, no.

If you think you might actually be on the spectrum it's worth getting checked.

I see a lot of whys but I can't answer them.

Why did I did these things? I don't know

I guess you could say I had the "urge" to do these things

I did not had some grand plan in mind.

[FredEire]

4 minutes ago, BornUnderPunches97 said:

I see a lot of whys but I can't answer them.

Why did I did these things? I don't know

I guess you could say I had the "urge" to do these things

I did not had some grand plan in mind.

I suggest you pay a visit to a psychologist/psychiatrist.

I don't think people on here can help you much with this stuff.

[basil67]

At the end of your last thread about self sabotaging relationships, you said that seeking therapy isn't a possibility.    Is it because you want to stay as you are or because you can't access therapy?  

[BornUnderPunches97]

Just now, basil67 said:

At the end of your last thread about self sabotaging relationships, you said that seeking therapy isn't a possibility.    Is it because you want to stay as you are or because you can't access therapy?  

Therapy cost money

I don't have enough of it

[Gebidozo]

If you don’t have enough money for therapy, keep posting here on this forum, the people here usually give very good advices and they are all free.

But you have to promise yourself that you will listen to what LS people tell you and try to change accordingly.

So please listen closely.

First things first, you are not a failure. It’s a blasphemy to say that, no human being can be called a “failure” as long as they are alive, and anyway you are not the one to judge that.

You feel like you are a failure, which is a totally different thing. It’s this feeling that pushes you to commit acts that you think would befit someone who’s a failure. Do you understand this? It’s like someone has convinced you that you’re a thief, so you feel you have no choice but go and steal things. You’ve branded yourself and now you’re becoming a slave to that brand. You put a curse on yourself and, like every curse, it begins to suck your free will out of you.

You did one stupid thing, had meaningless sex with some girl. So what? Get over it. s*** like that happens all the time. It’s not the end of the world at all. I did much worse things, really horrible things. I still hope that God will see my remorse and forgive me. Never lose hope.

Contact both women and apologize to them. Just say sorry. I know part of you doesn’t want to do it. Doesn’t matter, force yourself and just do it, you’ll feel better and the results might surprise you. If you can’t contact them anymore, promise to yourself that you’ll be nice to the next woman you meet. Do it step by step, one day at a time, one meeting at a time.

 

[BornUnderPunches97]

19 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

If you don’t have enough money for therapy, keep posting here on this forum, the people here usually give very good advices and they are all free.

But you have to promise yourself that you will listen to what LS people tell you and try to change accordingly.

So please listen closely.

First things first, you are not a failure. It’s a blasphemy to say that, no human being can be called a “failure” as long as they are alive, and anyway you are not the one to judge that.

You feel like you are a failure, which is a totally different thing. It’s this feeling that pushes you to commit acts that you think would befit someone who’s a failure. Do you understand this? It’s like someone has convinced you that you’re a thief, so you feel you have no choice but go and steal things. You’ve branded yourself and now you’re becoming a slave to that brand. You put a curse on yourself and, like every curse, it begins to suck your free will out of you.

You did one stupid thing, had meaningless sex with some girl. So what? Get over it. s*** like that happens all the time. It’s not the end of the world at all. I did much worse things, really horrible things. I still hope that God will see my remorse and forgive me. Never lose hope.

Contact both women and apologize to them. Just say sorry. I know part of you doesn’t want to do it. Doesn’t matter, force yourself and just do it, you’ll feel better and the results might surprise you. If you can’t contact them anymore, promise to yourself that you’ll be nice to the next woman you meet. Do it step by step, one day at a time, one meeting at a time.

 

Thank you for your response

I did try to conctact both.

Both don't want anything to do with me.

The one with telegram was the most "chatty" but she went from missing me to hating me with all her being

In span of six years, I've managed to self-sabotage at least 6 potential relationships.

I doubt there is any hope left for me

[FredEire]

2 hours ago, BornUnderPunches97 said:

Thank you for your response

I did try to conctact both.

Both don't want anything to do with me.

The one with telegram was the most "chatty" but she went from missing me to hating me with all her being

In span of six years, I've managed to self-sabotage at least 6 potential relationships.

I doubt there is any hope left for me

I doubt she hates a guy she was texting on Telegram and never even met in the end. Was probably more of a WTF moment than anything.

It seems a bit of a wild overreaction. Everyone has bad sex from time to time, not everyone jumps to the conclusion this means they are a failure as a man.

And I don't see the need when you are single and seeing different people to text the other women and go into TMI about some other woman and tell her you don't give a s*** about seeing her.

I don't know if there's something else going on for you mentally, do you just feel an irresistible urge to do something wild in these situations? I'm sure there is at least some sort of free counselling service you could talk to as a first step.

[BornUnderPunches97]

5 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I doubt she hates a guy she was texting on Telegram and never even met in the end. Was probably more of a WTF moment than anything.

It seems a bit of a wild overreaction. Everyone has bad sex from time to time, not everyone jumps to the conclusion this means they are a failure as a man.

And I don't see the need when you are single and seeing different people to text the other women and go into TMI about some other woman and tell her you don't give a s*** about seeing her.

I don't know if there's something else going on for you mentally, do you just feel an irresistible urge to do something wild in these situations? I'm sure there is at least some sort of free counselling service you could talk to as a first step.

It seems I just have urge to self-sabotage

I subconsciously believe I'm a failure and unloveable so I act the part, despite my best interest

[FredEire]

3 minutes ago, BornUnderPunches97 said:

It seems I just have urge to self-sabotage

I subconsciously believe I'm a failure and unloveable so I act the part, despite my best interest

Maybe when you feel this urge coming up take a deep breath, don't act, just think it through. Is this stuff really logical, should I really do it?

[BornUnderPunches97]

Just now, FredEire said:

Maybe when you feel this urge coming up take a deep breath, don't act, just think it through. Is this stuff really logical, should I really do it?

I tried but it kinda like trying to cut smoking

"Yeah I can quit whenever I want just not today"

I fear I don't have enough strong will to resist it

[FredEire]

Just now, BornUnderPunches97 said:

I tried but it kinda like trying to cut smoking

"Yeah I can quit whenever I want just not today"

I fear I don't have enough strong will to resist it

Right.

Well I don't think anyone on here can tell you if it's some kind of personality disorder etc.

You need to find a way to get out and talk to someone.

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, BornUnderPunches97 said:

Thank you for your response

I did try to conctact both.

Both don't want anything to do with me.

The one with telegram was the most "chatty" but she went from missing me to hating me with all her being

In span of six years, I've managed to self-sabotage at least 6 potential relationships.

I doubt there is any hope left for me

There is hope and there is a way. You must stop hating yourself.

Deep down, you think you don’t deserve love. And you’re right, but only in the general sense that none of us deserves anything. You think, however, that you’re just uniquely unlovable and sooner or later every woman will dump you. So why bother, why try, just do a preemptive strike and mercifully destroy something that was bound to die a horrible, slow death anyway, right?

That is, of course, utter bullshit. You can love and you can be loved. You just need to find the capacity for that deep in your soul. I suggest you take a break from dating and romance and start living with yourself. Really get to know yourself. Learn to love yourself. Live like a monk for a while, work on your spiritual growth. Don’t think about what other people might feel about you, only focus on cultivating something that you could give to other people.

 

[Gaeta]

14 hours ago, BornUnderPunches97 said:

Therapy cost money

I don't have enough of it

Before getting therapy you need a diagnosis. Go through your family doctor first and see what free service could be available for you.