Rosepedal Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 I 31 F have been single for most of my life. I’ve been on 30 dates since I was 21 and I have not found someone I’m compatible with. It’s hard because most of my friends are married and starting families with someone they met online. I try to send out likes and ask questions about the guys interests but usually don’t hear back. When I match the guys usually are not that invested or give very low effort replies. I had an okay connection until I found out the guy still lived with his ex. im getting older and really want a child so it’s hard. I’m thinking of going the single mom route but just having trouble making sense of why finding a partner comes so easy for some people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 (edited) There is no good answer to your question… it seems so unfair that some people find their partner young, while for others - it’s such a struggle. I had a similar experience with dating. Having lived a few more years, I can say that very few people get the “happy” life from beginning to end. In other words, very few people get what they really want all the time - most will struggle with one thing or another. Maybe it’s finding that partner in life. For others, it’s infertility. For some of my friends, they are now divorcing in midlife. Others will be widowed, or lose children, etc… It’s no consolation, I know. But, it helped me to keep things in perspective. I don’t have advice as much as I will share my story… I had a similar struggle. I just turned 50 - I thought on my birthday, it was not nearly as hard as turning 35 because that was the year that I grieved the fact that I likely wouldn’t have my own child. I went on so many blind dates, I hated online dating… I finally gave up on dating and decided to find my own joy… and then, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and died six months later. Sitting in her hospital room surrounded by friends and loved ones, I thought to myself - this is what life is all about - love and relationships. When I was ready, I went to a singles gathering and quite literally, the first person that I met was my love. On the way to the party, I spoke to my mom and said “help me out here…” and as I entered the party, he walked over to me and introduced himself. He said after the fact that he knew the moment that he saw me that he wanted to meet me… I was 39 years old. In the last 10 years, we have built a home together and shared a beautiful life. And in two weeks, we are getting married - something that I never thought would happen for me. So, don’t give up on the idea that it will happen. Life has a way of taking strange turns that you could never predict. I feel so fortunate - not a day goes by that I don’t appreciate the fact that I have found the love that I had pretty much decided was not for me. As I said, I feel like we have begun this beautiful life together and found happiness at a time when some of my friends are divorcing or feeling lost and depressed because their children are leaving home… it may not have been the life I would have planned, but it has been a good life. You just have to stay open to possibilities, be prepared to seize the opportunity when it comes… and in the meantime, live your life with as much joy and meaning as possible. Edited May 29 by BaileyB 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 (edited) OP, you are displaying a need to find any partner. People don’t like that. If some woman were hitting me up only because she was getting older and wanted a kid, I wouldn’t be interested. I’d feel like I was some kind of a replaceable tool. You should first make sure that you can find happiness in yourself, in your own soul. Embracing being single and stop comparing yourself to your friends. You’ll be projecting different vibes then, and more people will be interested in you. Don’t be with a man because you need a man, be with a man who loves you and whom you love. You never know when that might happen. Remember, this only needs to happen once. You’re still very young. You still have at least 10 years during which you could get pregnant. Edited May 29 by Gebidozo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 8 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Life has a way of taking strange turns that you could never predict. I feel so fortunate - not a day goes by that I don’t appreciate the fact that I had pretty much decided was not for me. As I said, I feel like we have begun this beautiful life together as many of my friends are divorcing or feeling lost and depressed because their children are leaving home… it may not have been the life I would have planned, but it has been a good life. You just have to stay open to possibilities, be prepared to seize the opportunity when it comes… and in the meantime, live your life with as much joy and meaning as possible. Beautifully said, and so true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SEASON_WINTER Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 I rejoined online dating in mid April this yr. Went out with 3 men on first date each. One turned out to “hated woman” character whom I decided to stop after 2 weeks. Other men I have no chemistry. This morning, I just “dump” the last one who chatted with me for past two nights. Somehow, he can steer topics to sexuality contents. So this morning, I text him my boundaries and he replied with a “ok”. For the whole day he didn’t text me at all whereas last two days he been texting me. So a unmatch again. i actually feel frustrated and tired. But I do have forum members giving encouragement to me and I am appreciative. continue to live our life to fullest. If it comes , it comes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 This is life. Some of us have bad childhoods or maladaptive behaviours that prevent us making healthy bonds or falling for the right people. Like a lot of things in life I think you have to let go, stop trying and accept what is and then it will happen. At 31 you're a lot younger than you think, it's just that the carefree limitless possibilities of your 20s are fading and pressure is starting to creep in. But my auntie met a guy at 57 and is the happiest I've ever seen her after a long string of short failed relationships. There's no set rules for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 (edited) 1 hour ago, FredEire said: At 31 you're a lot younger than you think, it's just that the carefree limitless possibilities of your 20s are fading and pressure is starting to creep in. And you are watching friends get married and have children… attending bridal and baby showers… your friendships are changing, you feel like you are missing out on life - and that’s hard to deal with, when it’s exactly what you want to be happening for you. 1 hour ago, SEASON_WINTER said: i actually feel frustrated and tired. This is how I felt over time and why I gave up dating for a while. It becomes very discouraging and demoralizing after a while… Edited May 29 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 33 minutes ago, BaileyB said: And you are watching friends get married and have children… attending bridal and baby showers… your friendships are changing, you feel like you are missing out on life - and that’s hard to deal with, when it’s exactly what you want to be happening for you. This is how I felt over time and why I gave up dating for a while. It becomes very discouraging and demoralizing after a while… I'm "lucky" in a sense in that most of my friends are not yet married or settled down, and many are still single. But yes, sooner or later it starts to happen. But really it doesn't matter a jot what others do. The main problem is that the older you get the more jaded the dating pool will get, the more baggage single people will have etc. But really at any age the right person is out there. You just have to let them come to you rather than desperately seeking them out from a feeling of obligation to settle down. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 10 hours ago, Rosepedal said: I 31 F have been single for most of my life. I’ve been on 30 dates since I was 21 That's 3 dates a year. Why so few? To a large extent, finding your special someone is a numbers game. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 On 5/29/2024 at 4:31 AM, Rosepedal said: I 31 F have been single for most of my life. I’ve been on 30 dates since I was 21 and I have not found someone I’m compatible with. It’s hard because most of my friends are married and starting families with someone they met online. I try to send out likes and ask questions about the guys interests but usually don’t hear back. When I match the guys usually are not that invested or give very low effort replies. I had an okay connection until I found out the guy still lived with his ex. im getting older and really want a child so it’s hard. I’m thinking of going the single mom route but just having trouble making sense of why finding a partner comes so easy for some people. My advice would be to take long breaks from OLD, its a brutal world there and I do believe it can damage a persons confidence. The other problem with OLD is it just creates a market place philosophy where people can continue shopping and potentially go on lots of dates and those who have superficial qualities have the pick. Take a break and go back to it. Link to post Share on other sites
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