Feeling Frustrated and Confused About a New Relationship

[pastacookies]

I need some advice about a new relationship that’s been causing me a lot of confusion and frustration. I’ve been seeing this girl for about a week and a half now and we’ve gone on three dates so far. Each time we’ve hung out, it’s been pleasant, but there are some things that are starting to bother me and I’m not sure how to handle them.

Firstly, she told me she’s not a very touchy person, which I respect. However, we’ve barely held hands, and there’s been no kissing. I feel like there’s a lack of physical connection and it’s making me wonder if she’s interested in me romantically or if she just sees me as a friend.

After our dates, she often goes to see her friends, which leaves me feeling a bit sidelined. Yesterday, she suggested that we finish a movie we started watching together on Saturday, i said yes but then no answers for two hours. Then suddenly she called me saying she is tired and she wants to finish it Tuesday instead and i said yes. Then I found out this morning she went to the cinema with i don’t even know who last night. She didn’t tell me about these plans and blocked me from seeing her Instagram stories, which I discovered through my friends instagram because i wanted to show her to him. 

This situation has left me feeling really confused and frustrated. I don’t understand why she would make plans with me and then go out with someone elses instead without being upfront about it. It makes me question if she genuinely cares about me or sees a future in this relationship.

[Gebidozo]

She is obviously not interested in you romantically. It’s strange that you call three completely platonic dates a “relationship”. Move on.

Edited June 4 by Gebidozo

[basil67]

The reason that you're stuck is that you're overthinking.  Truth is, what she's looking for is irrelevant because your decision is about you and your needs.   

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't hesitate to move on.  Lying about availability, leaving you hanging while trying to make plans, blocking you from social media, not yet breaking the touch barrier...it would be a NO from me

 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, pastacookies said:

She didn’t tell me about these plans

Why would she? You've known her for, what, 10 days?

You are getting way too far ahead of yourself here. She is practically a stranger to you, and I think your expectations are out of whack for the information you expect to be shared with you. 

6 hours ago, pastacookies said:

sees a future in this relationship

You're not in a relationship with her. 

Look, she's not that interested, but you are also overly-invested. You barely know this person. I would let this one fizzle but also keep more perspective next time. 

[Nellea]

Hi! You’ve only been dating a couple of weeks. I’m sorry to say this but she is probably seeing other people and doesn’t realise you would want something more serious with her. I think it’s maybe too early for her to know whether she really wants a relationship with you.

I don’t like what she did with hiding her story… It’s not very honest or upfront, but looking at it from her perspective she might see you as being a bit - too much too soon for her. I think you should play it cool and give her some space… and if she is genuinely interested in you - she’ll gradually show you that she is.

Try not to expect too much out of this and maybe try dating other girls as well! 

[Alpacalia]

I think for only dating a week and a half it's a bit much on your part to become "frustrated" which can come across as demanding.

I understand where you're coming from, but it's only been 1.5 weeks and some people are more reserved and may take longer to open up physically, while others may be more affectionate from the beginning. Neither is wrong, just different. She is an individual with her own life and friends. Just because you've been on three dates does not mean she has to spend all her time with you.

Try not to get too far ahead of yourself.

But at the same time, I do feel like communication is important and I would appreciate it if she was more upfront about her plans instead of hiding it from you. Because here are many questions why she would insist on watching the movie together when you two wanted to finish it the next day. Was she trying to make plans with you, but got invited out with her friends? Did she forget about her previously made plans with you? Did she want to go out, but didn't want to hurt your feelings or feel guilty about going out without you?

I would back off a little bit and let her initiate plans/hangouts. Blocking you from her Instagram could be because you're too pushy too soon, which is a red flag for a lot of people.

Of course, it is speculation at this juncture and 2 sides of a coin. It certainly wasn't very forthcoming of her to suddenly change plans with you and not address the change in plans and then resort to blocking you. Kind of a jerky move but it does send a message of distancing.