Engagement Ring - Buyers Remorse!

[1HappyGoLucky]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Are you sure it's mind games?    I think it's more about you getting a fabulous ring which could be admired, but without having to pay for it all himself.   Again, I think he should have offered a ring to the value he was comfortable in buying himself

I hope it was just about buying a fabulous ring, but I am confident that the price of the ring is not the real issue. He is in a financial position where he certainly would have no trouble affording it. 

I think his request for me to contribute was more of an anxious reflect, based on his previous marriage experience.

It does concern me more than a little that his emotions around his previous marriage are still impacting our relationship. But everyone has a past they are shaped by.

[1HappyGoLucky]

5 minutes ago, S2B said:

So who is going to pay for the wedding? Have you talked about that? Weddings are way more expensive than the ring he won’t pay for by himself.

I personally like to pay my share - but when it comes to a man - I need to know he wants to pay for me. Then once in a while hole I like to pay - but not always expecting me to pay like I’m his roommate.

I would expect that we pay half each for the wedding, and that is something I'm happy to do after all it is our day together. It's only the ring I had qualms about.

I do feel at the moment costs are separated like we are housemates and I hope we can collaborate more in the future, whilst still keeping a degree of our own financial independence 

[Gaeta]

Shouldn't your wedding and living arrangement be paid prorata? If l'm with a man making 2-3 times what l make i'm not paying 50/50, that would deplete me over time.

[Acacia98]

5 hours ago, 1HappyGoLucky said:

It does concern me more than a little that his emotions around his previous marriage are still impacting our relationship.

Yeah... Me too. And I don't even know you guys... 🙂

[1HappyGoLucky]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Shouldn't your wedding and living arrangement be paid prorata? If l'm with a man making 2-3 times what l make i'm not paying 50/50, that would deplete me over time.

What he is comfortable to spend is much greater than me and I often feel like I'm trying to keep up, particularly when it comes to holidays.

I've always looked at marriage the same way my parents did theirs, which was collaborative and entirely shared. They have both supported each other and to this day, continue to participate in projects together for their growth.

It feels a bit gut-wrenching thinking I may have to plan a marriage legally/financially around the fact that it has the possibility of ending. But I can certainly see that if it were to happen, the way I currently contribute to the relationship would put me at a significant and growing disadvantage.

[1HappyGoLucky]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

I would be concerned you plan to marry him without discussing that this scenario  that puts you at a disadvantage and unequal terms in the marriage.

Thankyou for highlighting this ❤️, it's an important point for us to look at, regardless of how hard it is thinking that one day the relationship may not flourish.