Lifeasasignlelady22 Posted June 4 Share Posted June 4 I've been seeing a guy for about 5 months, the one from my previous post. Its been going very well and I'm very much happy and content in the relationship. We where discussing something over the weekend and I cant remember how it came up but he admitted that he cheated on his previous girlfriend. He said they where long distance and hadn't seen each other for a few months and he cheated during that time. I told him I didn't condone it by any means and that If he ever cheated on me I would leave and never go back. I wasn't mad or anything of the sort. I do trust him and he hasn't given me any reason not too. I was more shocked by his admission. However he then told me something has been eating him up inside. He told me when we first started dating, and got to the exclusive part. He had to travel for 2 weeks with work he mentioned he was deleting videos etc in his phone and came across a video his ex had sent him, a sexual video and he pleasured while watching it. I was shocked not by him watching it but by him telling me about it. He said its been weighing him down, he got very emotional about it and said he understood if I wanted to break up with him because of it. I didn't think of it as a big deal, I still don't think I really am bothered by it. I feel like the reason I'm not angry is that he was very sincere about it and explained it had been eating him up inside, even to the point he got emotional thinking about me leaving him because of it. My question is, should I be bothered by his admissions? Is this something that really should be a deal breaker? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 4 Share Posted June 4 He is telling who he is, please listen attentively. * He cheated on a previous girlfriend * He watched sex video with an ex while in an exclusive relationship with you. That tells me he is 'weak'. He cannot control his urges. It's better to have a boyfriend with self-control then a boyfriend who cheats and admits it. The video only would not be a deal breaker to me BUT the whole picture of who he is, would be a deal breaker for me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 4 Share Posted June 4 Deal breaker...punt him to the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifeasasignlelady22 Posted June 4 Author Share Posted June 4 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: He is telling who he is, please listen attentively. * He cheated on a previous girlfriend * He watched sex video with an ex while in an exclusive relationship with you. That tells me he is 'weak'. He cannot control his urges. It's better to have a boyfriend with self-control then a boyfriend who cheats and admits it. The video only would not be a deal breaker to me BUT the whole picture of who he is, would be a deal breaker for me. I know, it doesnt paint a great picture of him. I do trust him completely, and maybe that's why i have an issue about the possibility of ending it. I think it was due to the fact I saw how upset he was, so either he is a complete psychopath or was genuine about being upset and him not wanting to loose me. I'm not sure why he told me about it anyway, he didnt need too. and it doesnt cast doubts in my head but it does make me think maybe i should keep my eyes open a little bit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 4 Share Posted June 4 13 minutes ago, Lifeasasignlelady22 said: I do trust him completely Why do you give your entire trust to a man you've only been knowing for 5 months? You are in the 'getting to know you' phase. Your trust should not be that easy to win over. Under a year dating the guy should be on probation in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lifeasasignlelady22 Posted June 4 Author Share Posted June 4 44 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Why do you give your entire trust to a man you've only been knowing for 5 months? You are in the 'getting to know you' phase. Your trust should not be that easy to win over. Under a year dating the guy should be on probation in your life. I don't give them my entire trust however i do trust people after a certain amount of time and by trust i mean I trust what they tell me and hope their actions match up. For me its like ok I trust him, he hasn't given me reason not to trust him. Obviously what he told me doesnt help but yes i do agree he is on probation. Thats why I asked here as up until now there hasnt been a single thing to cause me to doubt him or his feelings for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 4 Share Posted June 4 It’s a good thing that he admitted that he watched that video. Obviously, the bad thing is his infidelity; his confession and admission of guilt are the good things. He seems to be genuinely remorseful. I think that a truly penitent cheater deserves one more chance. It looks like you are willing to give it to him. I support that decision, for what it’s worth. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted June 4 Share Posted June 4 you don't find it weird that your boyfriend was fantasizing about his ex girlfriend while in an exclusive relationship with you, while actively watching explicit footage of that ex which he clearly has kept and was viewing while dating you? he has basically stated that any time spent apart he's cheated on his girlfriend, so you're probably headed for a bad time. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 On 6/4/2024 at 12:31 PM, Lifeasasignlelady22 said: I don't give them my entire trust however i do trust people after a certain amount of time and by trust i mean I trust what they tell me and hope their actions match up. For me its like ok I trust him, he hasn't given me reason not to trust him. Obviously what he told me doesnt help but yes i do agree he is on probation. Thats why I asked here as up until now there hasnt been a single thing to cause me to doubt him or his feelings for me. If this is all true, why did you come to LoveShack? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 (edited) On 6/4/2024 at 12:31 PM, Lifeasasignlelady22 said: Thats why I asked here as up until now there hasnt been a single thing to cause me to doubt him or his feelings for me. You are contradicting yourself. You have 2 things now causing you to doubt his character. His feelings for you don't matter in terms of if this man is a cheater or not. Plenty of men cheat on their wife/gf while still having feelings for them, they are just very weak and dysfunctional. Love alone does not make men/women good partners. Edited June 5 by Gaeta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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