Am I in the wrong?

[glitterreaper]

Not sure what to do , but keep apologizing to my husband for something silly . He saw my messages to a friend acting silly or as he says ‘I was simping ‘ for characters. When I was just joking and I do not imagine me with these characters. I like seeing them with other characters for romance story plot. He’s upset the fact during that time I was teasing/ running my mouth about him looking at women on tik tok. He’s constantly bringing it up or calling me weird for it. But it’s not the way he thinks it is , so was I really wrong for this ? Not sure how to repair this because just don’t watch anime etc. for I won’t be blamed. 

[basil67]

I don't understand.  Can you give more context?

[Gaeta]

Gosh, I feel my age when I read this.

Are you maintaining a virtual relationship in a virtual world with an anime character?

[Lotsgoingon]

I'm with the others. I can't follow what's going on--and this seems to be something I need to precisely be able to follow in order to give you any sane response. 

[Alpacalia]

18 hours ago, glitterreaper said:

He saw my messages to a friend acting silly or as he says ‘I was simping ‘ for characters.

What exactly does simping for characters mean?

Eh, I'll take a stab at this, but it seems your husband feels you're not taking your interests or the relationship seriously, that you're simulating or fantasizing about real and potential encounters imagining with these characters and demonstrating a lack of fidelity.

[Nellea]

I’m not sure if I’m getting this right…. But… it sounds like he’s annoyed or jealous over you looking at imaginary characters, while you are upset over him looking at other (real life) women/girls on tiktok…. 
 

If this is what’s happening and you’re both making an issue out of it, then I guess you both have some trust issues and don’t feel very secure in the relationship. Maybe he felt attacked when you mentioned him looking at other women, and he decided to bring something up as well… to shift the attention onto you… 

Either way, you both need to be a lot more honest and open to make this work. It’s really hard for any relationship to last long term without mutual trust. 

[glitterreaper]

17 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Gosh, I feel my age when I read this.

Are you maintaining a virtual relationship in a virtual world with an anime character?

No I mainly was just adoring the characters with other characters as you call ‘ships’ I am full aware they do not exist . 

[glitterreaper]

5 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

I'm with the others. I can't follow what's going on--and this seems to be something I need to precisely be able to follow in order to give you any sane response. 

I do apologize, it’s kinda hard explain it through text and I was upset when I posted this to see if I was totally in the wrong. Anyways,  he’s upset the fact I claim to be innocent not having attraction to others when I commented about him looking at women and he found out by reading messages that I was being different and influenced to say things most I was joking . I wasn’t fantasizing myself with fictional characters 

[glitterreaper]

2 hours ago, Nellea said:

I’m not sure if I’m getting this right…. But… it sounds like he’s annoyed or jealous over you looking at imaginary characters, while you are upset over him looking at other (real life) women/girls on tiktok…. 
 

If this is what’s happening and you’re both making an issue out of it, then I guess you both have some trust issues and don’t feel very secure in the relationship. Maybe he felt attacked when you mentioned him looking at other women, and he decided to bring something up as well… to shift the attention onto you… 

Either way, you both need to be a lot more honest and open to make this work. It’s really hard for any relationship to last long term without mutual trust. 

I apologize for lack of information, you’re half way correct. I would make comments , but truly I don’t mind if he does look at women. It’s only natural, right? You’re right , we have been talking but I’m not sure if it has helped at all. Thank you . 

[glitterreaper]

4 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

What exactly does simping for characters mean?

Eh, I'll take a stab at this, but it seems your husband feels you're not taking your interests or the relationship seriously, that you're simulating or fantasizing about real and potential encounters imagining with these characters and demonstrating a lack of fidelity.

Like saying a character / famous person is hot making comments though I wasn’t saying I wanted to be with anyone in that manner. 

[basil67]

5 hours ago, glitterreaper said:

I do apologize, it’s kinda hard explain it through text and I was upset when I posted this to see if I was totally in the wrong. Anyways,  he’s upset the fact I claim to be innocent not having attraction to others when I commented about him looking at women and he found out by reading messages that I was being different and influenced to say things most I was joking . I wasn’t fantasizing myself with fictional characters 

I'm sorry, I still don't understand. 

Can you tell us what exactly happened? 

[Els]

I'm not quite sure whether to be happy or sad that I (think I) actually understood this. 😅

OP, I think he's being unreasonable. Everyone has celeb crushes, and anime characters are no different. Unless you're spending your last dollar on fangirl merchandise, it's really silly for him to make a big deal out of it.

[basil67]

15 hours ago, glitterreaper said:

Like saying a character / famous person is hot making comments though I wasn’t saying I wanted to be with anyone in that manner. 

How often do you say this character is hot?   How much time are you spending enjoying this character?

 

[glitterreaper]

4 hours ago, Els said:

I'm not quite sure whether to be happy or sad that I (think I) actually understood this. 😅

OP, I think he's being unreasonable. Everyone has celeb crushes, and anime characters are no different. Unless you're spending your last dollar on fangirl merchandise, it's really silly for him to make a big deal out of it.

That’s what I say too everyone does , but no I don’t spend money on them nor think that either. This was months ago when I had this discussion being dumb. 

[glitterreaper]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

How often do you say this character is hot?   How much time are you spending enjoying this character?

 

I don’t , and I don’t even like this character anymore . 

[basil67]

13 minutes ago, glitterreaper said:

I don’t , and I don’t even like this character anymore . 

OK, so you're in a situation where your husband is still complaining about some stuff you said ages ago, but you've long moved past that?

How is your marriage other than this issue?  For example, does he often get upset about things you've done?  Does he hold grudges?  Are you happy being married to him?

[MsJayne]

It sounds like maybe both of you need to put the device down and engage with the real world. Admiring another person in a sexual way, calling them 'hot' when you know your partner is going to see it or hear it, is thoughtless at best, a childish way of trying to provoke jealousy at worst. Even if it's a cartoon character, you're still making it obvious you're having an online perve. Given that you also made disparaging comments about him checking out women on social media it sounds like there might have been a bit of tit-for-tat going on. Your husband's being a bit of a jerk by harping on it, but it doesn't sound like you're innocent either. We're all guilty of looking at garbage occasionally, but when you start bickering over what garbage you're looking at, you have a big problem with reality. Maybe sit down and have a grown-up discussion about how social media use is affecting your relationship and agree to be respectful of each other and the relationship when making public comments.