dapperdell Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 I had something earlier that I now feel guilty about. I was having some small talk with a couple of colleagues at work and I started to tell a story that required divulging the neighborhood I live in. Before I gave the neighborhood name, I had this brief thought. I was anxious about giving the neighborhood name, because I thought it would be/could be perceived as a subtle invitation to come over. Nonetheless, I gave the neighborhood name anyways. When I did, I felt as if it was that subtle invitation. For that few seconds, it felt like I wanted them to find me. On the one hand, I didn’t give an address. There was really no way for them to know how to find me. I also do experience intrusive thoughts and, due to my ADD, sometimes struggle with impulse control. It’s possible I just blurted out the neighborhood name. I also have felt guilty and worried since the incident. Finally, one of the colleagues frankly wasn’t my type anyways On the other, this just feels sketch. I can’t get over that feeling, like I wanted them to come find me. Im not sure if my intent was to get them to, or if it was just to tell a story, but got hijacked by that thought. I’m also not sure if I should say anything to my partner. If I wanted to take further steps with these colleagues, I could have. I didn’t. The way I feel now, I really don’t want to. Half the time I feel guilty just for finding other people attractive. I’m afraid telling her could cause needless worry, but I also don’t want to let myself off Scot-free if this was problematic. So, I request your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 The neighbourhood where I live is not a secret - all of my work colleagues know the neighbourhood where I live. Many have been to my home. Given, I don’t have many colleagues of the opposite gender - Are you interested in someone at work? I’m having a difficult time understanding why you would feel like that is an invitation to come over or concerned that they will find you - If you maintain an appropriate boundary and you don’t spend time individually with any of your colleagues, you can’t possibly be cheating on your partner… Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 4 hours ago, dapperdell said: Im not sure if my intent was to get them to, or if it was just to tell a story, but got hijacked by that thought. Are you interested in one of them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dapperdell Posted June 6 Author Share Posted June 6 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: Are you interested in one of them? To answer you and @BaileyB, yes and no. I find one of them attractive and they’re somebody I’d pursue were I single, but I’m not willing to throw my relationship away for them. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 1 hour ago, dapperdell said: To answer you and @BaileyB, yes and no. I find one of them attractive and they’re somebody I’d pursue were I single, but I’m not willing to throw my relationship away for them. Well then, there is no problem. Right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dapperdell Posted June 6 Author Share Posted June 6 11 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Well then, there is no problem. Right? I think what bothers me is that I had this thought/feeling of inviting them/wanting to invite them, and then did it. Like yeah there was the initial "I want to tell a story and this information is relevant/pertinent", but I feel like I should have stopped myself after the invitation thought. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 Your other thread from a few weeks ago is also about you over thinking the idea of whether or not you'd cheated. You also mention having some very nasty mental health disorders. Are you seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist to help you manage these thoughts? To be clear, neither scenario you've posted would be considered cheating by any reasonable person 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 It's just your disorder telling you it's cheating. Are you taking any medication to settle these thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 53 minutes ago, dapperdell said: I feel like I should have stopped myself after the invitation thought. You didn’t invite them to come over though. You casually mentioned the neighbourhood in which you live well telling a story in a social setting. That’s not an invitation - you did stop yourself from inviting anyone to your home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 5 hours ago, dapperdell said: To answer you and @BaileyB, yes and no. I find one of them attractive and they’re somebody I’d pursue were I single, but I’m not willing to throw my relationship away for them. Then it’s all good. You haven’t actually invited that colleague over. So what if you find her attractive, you aren’t lusting after her and you are determined not to cheat on your partner, right? Then stop worrying. This is not cheating. There is also no reason to tell your partner about such a small issue. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 Quote Is this cheating? No. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts