Oflegends Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 (edited) So I have known this girl for several years now. Have never hooked up before, because either she was in a relationship or I was, but now we both find ourselves single. She is visiting/staying at my apartment for a few weeks where I study for college, and I was wondering if there could be any chance at either hooking up or a relationship here. Because we’ve been friends for many years, I don’t know if it’d be wrong to make a move, as I cannot tell if this is strictly just a friend visiting a friend, or is this girl open to something more than that? Obviously I won’t know unless I ask, but was just curious to hear some opinions on this. Like if maybe I’m missing something. Thanks Edited June 7 by Oflegends Added detail Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 I think that making a move on her (for either a relationship or hookup) while she is reliant on your hospitality would put her in a very uncomfortable situation if she's not interested. It's about the imbalance of power. Of course, if she makes the suggestion to you or is overtly flirty, that's a bit different. If she makes no moves on you, perhaps when she's leaving, tell her how great it's been having her around and raise the suggestion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oflegends Posted June 7 Author Share Posted June 7 8 minutes ago, basil67 said: I think that making a move on her (for either a relationship or hookup) while she is reliant on your hospitality would put her in a very uncomfortable situation if she's not interested. It's about the imbalance of power. Of course, if she makes the suggestion to you or is overtly flirty, that's a bit different. If she makes no moves on you, perhaps when she's leaving, tell her how great it's been having her around and raise the suggestion. Thank you for your reply, will definitely consider taking the passive route, as I didn’t see it from her perspective. So I guess sleeping separately is a given here? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 What is it that you actually WANT to happen with this girl? Would you like to date with a relationship in mind? Is this even possible, because she lives far from you? Would you like to just have sex? Is her friendship important to you? Do you have ulterior motives? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oflegends Posted June 7 Author Share Posted June 7 8 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: What is it that you actually WANT to happen with this girl? Would you like to date with a relationship in mind? Is this even possible, because she lives far from you? Would you like to just have sex? Is her friendship important to you? Do you have ulterior motives? Good question. I’m open to both, but I guess I’m hoping more for the chance to date with a relationship in mind. Just was not sure if a girl staying over is her way of insinuating maybe a hookup, or something else that I’m not seeing. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 28 minutes ago, Oflegends said: Good question. I’m open to both, but I guess I’m hoping more for the chance to date with a relationship in mind. Just was not sure if a girl staying over is her way of insinuating maybe a hookup, or something else that I’m not seeing. The thing you may not be seeing is that she needs a bed and thinks that you’re a safe and respectful guy to stay with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oflegends Posted June 7 Author Share Posted June 7 48 minutes ago, basil67 said: The thing you may not be seeing is that she needs a bed and thinks that you’re a safe and respectful guy to stay with. So continue to play this safe and respectful role, and work at maybe trying to date her then? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 1 minute ago, Oflegends said: So continue to play this safe and respectful role, and work at maybe trying to date her then? Or, don't make plans now....and just read her vibes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 I think you need to determine if she has put you in the friend zone and my take is that by staying with you she more than likely has friend zoned you. You would need to read her actions and communication quite closely. I guess the obvious question is did she ask to come to stay with you or did you offer for her to stay with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oflegends Posted June 7 Author Share Posted June 7 14 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: I think you need to determine if she has put you in the friend zone and my take is that by staying with you she more than likely has friend zoned you. You would need to read her actions and communication quite closely. I guess the obvious question is did she ask to come to stay with you or did you offer for her to stay with you? Thanks for your response. Yeah that very well may be true, since there has to be some level of comfort for a girl to stay with a guy right. Just starting to realize how ridiculous it was to assume a girl staying over meant hooking up. And to answer your question, I asked for her to come stay with me, and she obliged. (Am curious what difference that makes) Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 3 minutes ago, Oflegends said: Thanks for your response. Yeah that very well may be true, since there has to be some level of comfort for a girl to stay with a guy right. Just starting to realize how ridiculous it was to assume a girl staying over meant hooking up. And to answer your question, I asked for her to come stay with me, and she obliged. (Am curious what difference that makes) I have been in a similar position to the one mention. The problem is if you have been friends for such a long time this can go one of three ways 1: She may want a rebound after her last bf 2: She is so comfortable with you she feels ok to live with you for a time. 3: She has always had some attraction to you. Of course it might also be convenient for her to stay with you, especially as you asked her to do so. My view: have no expectations and see what happens, worst case you spend time around someone you are really fond of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oflegends Posted June 7 Author Share Posted June 7 (edited) 14 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: I have been in a similar position to the one mention. The problem is if you have been friends for such a long time this can go one of three ways 1: She may want a rebound after her last bf 2: She is so comfortable with you she feels ok to live with you for a time. 3: She has always had some attraction to you. Of course it might also be convenient for her to stay with you, especially as you asked her to do so. My view: have no expectations and see what happens, worst case you spend time around someone you are really fond of. Very interesting. What’s crazy is that these three scenarios you mentioned can occur simultaneously, as a matter of fact. And thinking about it, actually happens to all be true as it pertains to my situation lol. Really starting to wonder even more how this will play out. And I agree with your view- I’ll just go into this without any expectations, that seems to be the best way forward. Thanks again for your insight. Very cool knowing that you went through a similar situation as well Edited June 7 by Oflegends Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 1 hour ago, Oflegends said: Just starting to realize how ridiculous it was to assume a girl staying over meant hooking up. And to answer your question, I asked for her to come stay with me, and she obliged. (Am curious what difference that makes) I'm glad you realise that having a female friend stay at your place does not necessarily mean she's going to want to get nakey with you. The fact that she accepted your invitation is good. At it's most basic level, it means that she sees you as a good friend and as a guy she can trust. This is a compliment to you 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 1 hour ago, basil67 said: I'm glad you realise that having a female friend stay at your place does not necessarily mean she's going to want to get nakey with you. The fact that she accepted your invitation is good. At it's most basic level, it means that she sees you as a good friend and as a guy she can trust. This is a compliment to you Agree with OP, another thing has she ever confided in you when she was in relationships in the past? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oflegends Posted June 7 Author Share Posted June 7 2 hours ago, ZA Dater said: Agree with OP, another thing has she ever confided in you when she was in relationships in the past? Yeah she actually has, but only when I ask. Is that a good sign? Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 53 minutes ago, Oflegends said: Yeah she actually has, but only when I ask. Is that a good sign? Can go both ways, my suggestion is to enjoy the time with her and see what the vibe is like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oflegends Posted June 7 Author Share Posted June 7 15 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: Can go both ways, my suggestion is to enjoy the time with her and see what the vibe is like. Got it. I’m gonna have to learn to play it out instead of trying to have everything figured out first. Thanks for the advice Link to post Share on other sites
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