hurtandbetrayed3737 Posted June 10 Share Posted June 10 Went to a family bar mitzvah. The first grandchild of my closest sister which I refer to as sister 2. I was told by my nephew who is giving the event that no cousins are invited when the invites went out since my kids didn't receive an invite. Then I found out when going to the event that my other sister (1), kids and grandkids were all invited. I refer to her sister one. I was invited with a guest so I thought of bringing my son who is single and alone, but before I did so I asked my nephew if cousins were invited, at which point he told me they were not to keep the numbers down. Then I talked to my sister number one and said to her I don’t know whether to bring my son or not because I don’t want to hurt any of the other cousins feelings since I understand none of them are invited. The only thing she told me was that sister number 2 son wife and two kids were invited and then she went into this long explanation of why they were invited. However, she never mentioned sister number 1's other son and wife being invited (stepchildren). So I brought my son as my "guest" (i was invited with a guest) and my daughter and son-in-law were excluded. However, when I walked into the event, sister number 1's children and grandchildren were all there. Conveniently, my nephew never told me about this and lied and also conveniently my sister 2 never told me about it since she only mentioned a few of them. I was shocked and very upset and I saw my sister number 2 when I walked in and I said wow, congrats but it seems like certain cousins made the cut; she walked away and started asking my son what's wrong with your mother? He said he was staying out of it. Now I shouldn’t have said that, but I was so upset and shocked that I was lied to by my nephew and sister 2. I tried to make up with my sister at the event and she says she really loved me but seems really mad at me really what did they expect? I was attending the party so I was going to find out either way. Why was I lied to and I feel so hurt. Am I being oversensitive? By the way, my niece is sister number two daughter, told me she was upset that both of my kids and my son-in-law were excluded particularly since sister number 1's and grandchildren were included. it seems I was the only one concerned about the other family members' feelings and no one else gave a crap. they couldn't even be honest with me so I didn't walk into the event feeling total betrayed. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 10 Share Posted June 10 So you've got serious family problems, and they didn't start with this event. Most likely you are still playing catchup, slowly climbing out of denial about how petty your family is and how poorly they treat you. Most folks have to go to therapy to really untangle from toxic families. I can tell you for sure that this rejection and exclusion is likely part of a pattern. What took you so long to see the pattern clearly? Even in this post, you write as if this is a one-time event. No way. No way. No way! It's tough to feel excluded and disfavored in a family. It really hurts and shakes us to our foundations. That's why healing usually requires a major effort. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtandbetrayed3737 Posted June 10 Author Share Posted June 10 You're right. First, I mixed up on the sister # above. Sister #2 (whose son gave the event) told me that the kids and grandkids of Sister #1 were invited and then she told me she had no control of the guest list and made up a bunch of BS why they were included and my kids weren't. Anyway, the son and daughter in law of Sister #1 have mistreated me terribly in the last few events to the point I declined the last invite. What galls me is that sister #2 targets my son and ask what's wrong with me?? Really? She must think I was the one who misbehaved here. Sick. Link to post Share on other sites
delaware1623 Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 (edited) I broke up with my ex boyfriend the end of last year. When I first told him i needed a break, he packed up some of the things (which I didn't know about) I left at his place and dropped it off outside my garage at my home. However, once I knew we were done for good (after we met the last time at his request), I sent him a note and asked nicely for only certain things returned (including gifts I gave to my late husband that my ex bf wanted to use like a really nice grilling set). I also brought furniture from my home and bought some things for the apt (since original intent was for me to stay at the apt for long term weekends) to make the place more comfortable when I was staying there since I still have my home and was planning on selling my home if things worked out with him. I asked for very little and thought my request was more than reasonable. Since I was going out of state for a few months I requested he contact my son and my son would pick it up when convenient. I didn't hear back from him, ever. and the thought of asking him again turned my stomach. So at this point, I believe he moved but don't know where to. Do I let him have the last laugh? Edited June 27 by delaware1623 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 Since it's been over six months, and since you were the one who broke off the relationship, he probably thought it was settled and might have even gotten rid of some of the things. Asking him to contact your son to arrange getting the items back put him in the position of having to take the lead and actively work on returning things to you. Maybe if you or your son had contacted him to set up a time he would have cooperated. 26 minutes ago, delaware1623 said: thought of asking him again turned my stomach You have to decide if pursuing getting the items back is important enough to you to push through the unpleasantness of reaching out again. I wouldn't see him having the items as him having "the last laugh". When my ex-husband moved out in anticipation of our divorce, I resented him leaving so many possessions for me to then decide whether to keep or dispose of. Since you made this post it seems the items are important to you, so I think it would be worth making the effort to reach out one more time. Finding out where he is now probably wouldn't be too difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 I most certainly would have donated or thrown away any leftovers an ex left behind, especially after 6 months. I would figure if it were important to them they would have collected them within a month. Saying that, I think you should just forget about them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 I too would have long ago gotten rid of anything an ex left in my house 6 months ago. I think that's pretty normal, and not a "last laugh" type of situation. It's just what happens. Sure, try again to ask him, since you want the stuff, but don't be surprised or hurt, or mad if it doesn't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
delaware1623 Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 I didn't just leave it there. I specifically requested it back several months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 6 hours ago, delaware1623 said: I didn't just leave it there. I specifically requested it back several months ago. Except you never went and picked it up. Why was it his job to get it to you? You're the one who broke up. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 22 hours ago, delaware1623 said: I requested he contact my son and my son would pick it up when convenient. 11 hours ago, delaware1623 said: I didn't just leave it there. I specifically requested it back several months ago. Except you didn't, really. You asked your ex to take the initiative to contact your son and make it happen. And then it doesn't seem that you followed up at that time and now it's 6 months later. No harm in asking again, but don't be surprised or angry if he's already donated or thrown out the stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
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