Husband says 'i love you so much' to his mom everyday

[sweethope]

Is it weird if my husband says “I love you so much. Eat your lunch” to his mom every single day he is at work? Every text he send to his mom starts with i love you so much. Or im just being weird? Need your advice!

[Gebidozo]

What’s weird is you reading your husbands’s texts to his mother. 

 

[Lotsgoingon]

Need more context on hubby's relationship with his mom. Does his focus on mom interfere with the marriage? Do you feel like there is something unhealthy about his relationship with mom. Have you picked up hints that indicate they are too close?

I can't judge without more information. Also, age of hubby and age of mom are relevant here. 

Edited June 11, 2024 by Lotsgoingon

[sweethope]

The thing is we are both open to each other. He does read my messages too.

Most of the time, we forget to mention things/discussions with other people which leads to miscommunications or misunderstandings. that’s why we decided to just be open.

[basil67]

13 minutes ago, sweethope said:

Is it weird if my husband says “I love you so much. Eat your lunch” to his mom every single day he is at work? Every text he send to his mom starts with i love you so much. Or im just being weird? Need your advice!

This is totally normal if she's got dementia.

Why were you reading his phone and why are you bothered?

[sweethope]

13 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

What’s weird is you reading your husbands’s texts to his mother. 

 

The thing is we are both open to each other. He does read my messages too.

Most of the time, we forget to mention things/discussions with other people which leads to miscommunications or misunderstandings. that’s why we decided to just be open.

[sweethope]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

This is totally normal if she's got dementia.

Why were you reading his phone and why are you bothered?

She’s perfectly healthy and young. We both are open to each other… When we first got married, my husband would literally tell anything to his mom like i have eaten my lunch, I am doing half day at work etc and in turn my MIL would then update me about his son. 

[basil67]

9 minutes ago, sweethope said:

Most of the time, we forget to mention things/discussions with other people which leads to miscommunications or misunderstandings. that’s why we decided to just be open.

If you forget to mention an event, start using a family diary.  What discussions could you be having with other people which ends up having misunderstandings?   Are there issues of mistrust or jealousy happening?

4 minutes ago, sweethope said:

She’s perfectly healthy and young. We both are open to each other… When we first got married, my husband would literally tell anything to his mom like i have eaten my lunch, I am doing half day at work etc and in turn my MIL would then update me about his son. 

I think that this level of conversation is weird, but it's apparently what he does.   Why are you asking about it?  Is it having a negative affect on you?

Edited June 11, 2024 by basil67

[sweethope]

7 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Need more context on hubby's relationship with his mom. Does his focus on mom interfere with the marriage? Do you feel like there is something unhealthy about his relationship with mom. Have you picked up hints that indicate they are too close?

I can't judge without more information. Also, age of hubby and age of mom are relevant here. 

Ohh yes, i should have elaborated that… we are actually living together with his family, his parents, sister and brother. When I moved in to their house, he is kind of a mama’s boy who would tell everything to his mom. Afterwards, his mom would message me about the updates that were given to her. His mom would always want to know everything that is happening between me and my husband but we learned our lesson. It just made things worse.

Mom is perfectly healthy and young 

[sweethope]

17 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If you forget to mention an event, start using a family diary.  What discussions could you be having with other people which ends up having misunderstandings?   Are there issues of mistrust or jealousy happening?

I think that this level of conversation is weird, but it's apparently what he does.   Why are you asking about it?  Is it having a negative affect on you?

Ohh. That’s a good idea! I would say issues of mistrust and mostly miscommunications. Im living overseas and there were times where my family asked for help in terms of money which I forgot to mention to him… this is just one of the situations that i can remember.

 

yeahhhh. Not to mention, we all live under one roof! It feels weird because this is the first time I encountered this kind of relationship between a mom and his son. He would kiss his mom when dropping off her of work, when we arrive at home and kiss her good night. I don’t what to feel about this. I am not sure if it’s okay and normal?

[basil67]

2 hours ago, sweethope said:

Ohh. That’s a good idea! I would say issues of mistrust and mostly miscommunications. Im living overseas and there were times where my family asked for help in terms of money which I forgot to mention to him… this is just one of the situations that i can remember.

A general rule of thumb is that any unusual spending should be discussed with the partner before doing it.  The onus shouldn't be on your partner to read your phone, but instead for you to disclose what's happening before it happens.  It's great that you help your family, but to be honest I suspect that you 'forgot' to tell him so that he wouldn't have a chance to veto your choice.   

Quote

yeahhhh. Not to mention, we all live under one roof! It feels weird because this is the first time I encountered this kind of relationship between a mom and his son. He would kiss his mom when dropping off her of work, when we arrive at home and kiss her good night. I don’t what to feel about this. I am not sure if it’s okay and normal?

So I'm guessing you are living in a different culture from what you're used to.  Have you asked your husband about whether it's normal in his culture?  What exactly are you concerned about?  Is he also giving you lots of attention?  

Edited June 11, 2024 by basil67

[flitzanu]

the other side of this, a person doesn't want to regret telling a parent how much they love them in case they never get that chance again.  

[Gaeta]

I am also thinking cultural differences, or maybe you just did not grow up in a very close knitted family so it appears too much for you. My eldest daughter is 36 and she tells me often "I love you so much mom'' and I tell her the same. We speak every single day, and we know everything there is to know about each other. My mom lives 10 hours away and we text every day about our daily stuff. 

If they hated each other I'd  be more concerned. 

[mark clemson]

Different people have different styles in how they interact with their parents. While it seems a bit much to me, maybe for them it IS indeed normal.

To me it would be a yellow (not red) flag - as it appears to be for you since you posted a question about it. So long as there are no signs that there is something weirder/more problematic than just expressions of family love going on, I wouldn't worry about it.