FB dating

[Helicon5]

I matched with a woman and we had a great conversation. At one point she said 'Where have you been all my life'. Initially I'd asked her if she wanted to message for a bit to get to know each other or set up a date to meet and she said she'd rather message and that when we're ready she would meet me halfway (driving to meet).

Anyway, things were going well enough (or so I thought) to take it to the next level, but she wanted to exchange numbers to talk on the phone first, claiming she wanted to get to know who if I was who I say I was and asked me if I'd feel comfortable doing that. I told nicely I'd rather meet at a restaurant because according to what I've read on forums and FB safety you should never give out personal info (numbers, email, etc) in messages for cyber security reasons. Well after about 15 minutes she replies back with the rudest message calling me an idiot with laughing emojis saying 'its because of people like you that I do background checks and carry a gun. Game over!'

I was like 'WTH'? Where is the rudeness coming from? Talk about a Jekyll and Hyde. I was only watching out for both our safety doing things by the rules of the site. Needless to say I was very disappointed. She was very pretty and seemed so down to earth. I'm amazes me how people can just turn on a dime. What was the point of her asking me I'd feel comfortable with it if she was just going to flip out lt if I didn't agree? Unless she really was a scammer. If that was the case she did an academy award winning job talking about her life. Talking on the phone doesn't mean someone's a good person.

 

Edited June 11 by Helicon5

[Gaeta]

So you met a weirdo. She won't be your last. 

That being said I would not meet in person a man that does not want to talk to me on the phone. You have to understand that in the world on online dating women are the vulnerable ones when they get out of the safety of their homes to go meet an online stranger. If you don't want to give your number to these women then call with another mean like a phone application. There are 100s of men out there with my phone number and nobody ever abused of it. If anyone can google your phone number how is it a personal information eh? Don't give your full name right away, your address, your email if it contains your full name but a phone number is not what I consider a personal information. 

Edited June 11 by Gaeta

[FredEire]

2 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

I matched with a woman and we had a great conversation. At one point she said 'Where have you been all my life'. Initially I'd asked her if she wanted to message for a bit to get to know each other or set up a date to meet and she said she'd rather message and that when we're ready she would meet me halfway (driving to meet).

Anyway, things were going well enough (or so I thought) to take it to the next level, but she wanted to exchange numbers to talk on the phone first, claiming she wanted to get to know who if I was who I say I was and asked me if I'd feel comfortable doing that. I told nicely I'd rather meet at a restaurant because according to what I've read on forums and FB safety you should never give out personal info (numbers, email, etc) in messages for cyber security reasons. Well after about 15 minutes she replies back with the rudest message calling me an idiot with laughing emojis saying 'its because of people like you that I do background checks and carry a gun. Game over!'

I was like 'WTH'? Where is the rudeness coming from? Talk about a Jekyll and Hyde. I was only watching out for both our safety doing things by the rules of the site. Needless to say I was very disappointed. She was very pretty and seemed so down to earth. I'm amazes me how people can just turn on a dime. What was the point of her asking me I'd feel comfortable with it if she was just going to flip out lt if I didn't agree? Unless she really was a scammer. If that was the case she did an academy award winning job talking about her life. Talking on the phone doesn't mean someone's a good person.

 

I think some people just feel entitled to take their frustrations out on those around them especially if they're someone they haven't met yet. Maybe she had a problem at work, felt angry and basically decided ok I'm just going to unload on this guy I just met on a dating app.

I matched with a girl a while back and we were having a friendly/flirty text conversation pre-first date and she suddenly took offence to what I thought was a fairly innocuous joke and called me a "stupid guy". I (unwisely) still ended up meeting up with her as she was very attractive and needless to say the weirdness didn't end there.

So as @Gaeta said you just met an emotionally unstable weirdo, don't take it personally. Better to get to know what she's like before you meet than a few months into a toxic relationship.

That said I also agree with her that if you're that overly cautious about contact info you may put off a woman who's actually worth the effort. Giving out a phone number or social media contact is fairly safe and is a sign of trust, it's not like you're sharing your home address or bank details.

[Helicon5]

36 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I think some people just feel entitled to take their frustrations out on those around them especially if they're someone they haven't met yet. Maybe she had a problem at work, felt angry and basically decided ok I'm just going to unload on this guy I just met on a dating app.

I matched with a girl a while back and we were having a friendly/flirty text conversation pre-first date and she suddenly took offence to what I thought was a fairly innocuous joke and called me a "stupid guy". I (unwisely) still ended up meeting up with her as she was very attractive and needless to say the weirdness didn't end there.

So as @Gaeta said you just met an emotionally unstable weirdo, don't take it personally. Better to get to know what she's like before you meet than a few months into a toxic relationship.

That said I also agree with her that if you're that overly cautious about contact info you may put off a woman who's actually worth the effort. Giving out a phone number or social media contact is fairly safe and is a sign of trust, it's not like you're sharing your home address or bank details.

I think she just got insulted that I didn't trust her to give her my number, but she didn't trust me either and I didn't freak out.

The ironic part is she put up on her profile that she's looking for an emotionally stable man. lol. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. I find hypocrisy common in a lot of women these days. I was trying to think of an alternative to our dilemma. While I was doing that she was thinking of something nasty to write. You're right, she showed her true colors and did me a favor. I told her that empathy is what I look for in people. It just goes to show how much empathy she had for my concerns.

[Sony12]

That particular lady was rude but for many people it is a red flag if someone refuses to exchange numbers so you can talk on the phone prior to meeting. I personally won't meet someone if they refuse to talk on the phone as a phone conversation will give you a good idea if you would be able to carry on a conversation with them in person.

If you continue to refuse to exchange numbers with people fully expect more matches to end communication with you. Many won't be rude about it but many do expect a phone number exchange prior to meeting.

Edited June 11 by Sony12

[Helicon5]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

So you met a weirdo. She won't be your last. 

That being said I would not meet in person a man that does not want to talk to me on the phone. You have to understand that in the world on online dating women are the vulnerable ones when they get out of the safety of their homes to go meet an online stranger. If you don't want to give your number to these women then call with another mean like a phone application. There are 100s of men out there with my phone number and nobody ever abused of it. If anyone can google your phone number how is it a personal information eh? Don't give your full name right away, your address, your email if it contains your full name but a phone number is not what I consider a personal information. 

Not according to what I read. It says hackers and scammers are able to find out and lot of information your telephone number. They say you're 'supposed' to meet in a public place. Just because we talk on the phone doesn't guarantee her I'm not a lunatic, and vice versa. All I know is I followed the rules and it states 'do not give out your phone number'. She could've offered an alternative if she was that interested. The fact that she didn't do that made me think maybe 'she' was up to no good. Either that or completely unemphatic.

Eh, anyway she showed me early on who she was. 

[Sony12]

Just now, Helicon5 said:

Not according to what I read. It says hackers and scammers are able to find out and lot of information your telephone number. They say you're 'supposed' to meet in a public place. Just because we talk on the phone doesn't guarantee her I'm not a lunatic, and vice versa. All I know is I followed the rules and it states 'do not give out your phone number'. She could've offered an alternative if she was that interested. The fact that she didn't do that made me think maybe 'she' was up to no good. Either that or completely unemphatic.

Eh, anyway she showed me early on who she was. 

If you go by the rules you read you will never hit it off with anyone. You need to develop your own strategy that meets the safety requirement that is necessary for you to feel comfortable.

[Gaeta]

16 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

The fact that she didn't do that made me think maybe 'she' was up to no good

Excuse me but you're the one refusing to use your phone so it's YOU who needs to find a solution. If I read this well she was willing to give you her number. 

Have you dated before? When it comes to security the gentleman accommodates the lady, not the other way around. It's one thing to observe basic security rules but it's crazy to think every other woman on dating sites are out to fraud you with your phone number. 

You do realize your phone number is already on hundreds of lists used by different scammers. It's up to you to block them or not click their link. 

[Helicon5]

33 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

That particular lady was rude but for many people it is a red flag if someone refuses to exchange numbers so you can talk on the phone prior to meeting. I personally won't meet someone if they refuse to talk on the phone as a phone conversation will give you a good idea if you would be able to carry on a conversation with them in person.

If you continue to refuse to exchange numbers with people fully expect more matches to end communication with you. Many won't be rude about it but many do expect a phone number exchange prior to meeting.

If it's a red flag then why does it specifically in the FB rules not to give out your phone number in messages and report anyone who asks? You'd think the red flag would be the one going against that. I can understand your point though. I would've loved to have talked with her. We had an amazing conversation and had a lot in common, which is why I was shocked she acted that way instead of coming up with a solution.

[Sony12]

14 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

If it's a red flag then why does it specifically in the FB rules not to give out your phone number in messages and report anyone who asks? You'd think the red flag would be the one going against that. I can understand your point though. I would've loved to have talked with her. We had an amazing conversation and had a lot in common, which is why I was shocked she acted that way instead of coming up with a solution.

These companies don't want to get sued. Which they very well might if something happened to someone and it was found that the services weren't giving out safety tips.

[Helicon5]

45 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Excuse me but you're the one refusing to use your phone so it's YOU who needs to find a solution. If I read this well she was willing to give you her number. 

Have you dated before? When it comes to security the gentleman accommodates the lady, not the other way around. It's one thing to observe basic security rules but it's crazy to think every other woman on dating sites are out to fraud you with your phone number. 

You do realize your phone number is already on hundreds of lists used by different scammers. It's up to you to block them or not click their link. 

She didn't give me a chance before she rudely ran off at the mouth and ended it. She shouldn't have asked me if I'd be comfortable with it, then freak out if I wasn't. Why ask then?

Here's the problem. How do I even know it was lady and not a dude who made up an elaborate scam account using some woman's pictures? Things like that happen a lot these days. People who take the rules for granted and ignore them are the ones they end up writing the rules for that end up getting robbed or shot.

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

Here's the problem. How do I even know it was lady and not a dude who made up an elaborate scam account using some woman's pictures? Things like that happen a lot these days. People who take the rules for granted and ignore them are the ones they end up writing the rules for that end up getting robbed or shot.

If you are that scared to give out your phone number then maybe you should not do online dating. I met above 200 men over the years, I gave them all my mobile number and no one scammed me. 

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Helicon5 said:

I think she just got insulted that I didn't trust her to give her my number, but she didn't trust me either and I didn't freak out.

The ironic part is she put up on her profile that she's looking for an emotionally stable man. lol. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. I find hypocrisy common in a lot of women these days. I was trying to think of an alternative to our dilemma. While I was doing that she was thinking of something nasty to write. You're right, she showed her true colors and did me a favor. I told her that empathy is what I look for in people. It just goes to show how much empathy she had for my concerns.

Yuuuuup. "Emotional intelligence please" in a profile often = a man who will be patient and accepting of my short-fuse BS.

I agree with the others though, generally you have to be willing to take a bit of a leap of faith, being a stickler about phone numbers isn't going to help it move forward in general. They may not be as rude as this lady but a lot of people may just stop replying.

[Sony12]

Yes OP if you are that apprehensive about exchanging any type of personal info than online dating might not be for you.

[Helicon5]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

If you are that scared to give out your phone number then maybe you should not do online dating. I met above 200 men over the years, I gave them all my mobile number and no one scammed me. 

Maybe you've been lucky. My luck stinks. lol. There must've been people who've bad things happen that's why they say to take precautions. I'm new to online dating and I made a quick judgement call and even though everything seemed on the up and up, my gut said don't do it. I've ignored my gut in my last two relationships and got burned by narcissists. I won't give up, just next time I'll just make sure to get another number that can't be traced. Maybe I blew a good thing, but judging by her lack about how I felt I'd say I made the right decision not to go through with it.

Edited June 11 by Helicon5

[FredEire]

34 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

Maybe you've been lucky. My luck stinks. lol. There must've been people who've bad things happen that's why they say to take precautions. I'm new to online dating and I made a quick judgement call and even though everything seemed on the up and up, my gut said don't do it. I've ignored my gut in my last two relationships and got burned by narcissists. I won't give up, just next time I'll just make sure to get another number that can't be traced. Maybe I blew a good thing, but judging by her lack about how I felt I'd say I made the right decision not to go through with it.

I don't think you blew a good thing in this particular case, because of her off the wall reaction.

The fair point I think others are making though is that even with a nice, stable, worthwhile woman she might be a bit put off by being made to jump through hoops just to have contact. It's OLD so most people aren't willing to do that at the early stages.

I think there's no reason to be as paranoid, I've been on OLD about 10 years and shared my number hundreds of times, the worst thing that's happened is someone turned out to being an annoying crypto scammer, but then I blocked them and problem solved. There's not much danger in just sharing your number.

Edited June 11 by FredEire

[basil67]

7 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

I told nicely I'd rather meet at a restaurant because according to what I've read on forums and FB safety you should never give out personal info (numbers, email, etc) in messages for cyber security reasons.

Our numbers are out there everywhere. 

You've got far more to worry about with a big company being hacked and having your details sold on the black market than in having a single woman asking to talk over the phone.  It's good to be careful, but your position on this makes you sound paranoid.  

Edited June 11 by basil67

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Our numbers are out there everywhere

My bank was hacked and all our info stolen. Then l registered to equifax to make sure my credit was not used and equifax got hacked and all our info was stolen!!  Giving my phone number to a man on FB dating is my very last worry. 

[Helicon5]

14 hours ago, basil67 said:

Our numbers are out there everywhere. 

You've got far more to worry about with a big company being hacked and having your details sold on the black market than in having a single woman asking to talk over the phone.  It's good to be careful, but your position on this makes you sound paranoid.  

Maybe so, but it's only because I've seen how many crazies there are out there (case in point).

Trust works both ways. She was enthralled with me up to that point. It just proved me how quick she could turn on the dime since we both had the same concerns.

[Helicon5]

Thanks for everyone's input. I'll keep at at, but get another number that can't be traced just for peace of mind.

[FredEire]

31 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

Maybe so, but it's only because I've seen how many crazies there are out there (case in point).

Trust works both ways. She was enthralled with me up to that point. It just proved me how quick she could turn on the dime since we both had the same concerns.

There's crazies in the sense that you might have a shitty date with a woman with mental issues, I don't think there's many crazies in the robbing/scamming sense.

Sure, getting an untraceable number might be a good middle ground for your peace of mind. There's no real reason to be hesitant to give it out if you want to get yourself a date.

[Helicon5]

38 minutes ago, FredEire said:

There's crazies in the sense that you might have a shitty date with a woman with mental issues, I don't think there's many crazies in the robbing/scamming sense.

Sure, getting an untraceable number might be a good middle ground for your peace of mind. There's no real reason to be hesitant to give it out if you want to get yourself a date.

What's funny is she said 'I don't do well in chaotic environments', then creates one. LOL

[FredEire]

12 minutes ago, Helicon5 said:

What's funny is she said 'I don't do well in chaotic environments', then creates one. LOL

Yeah, she sounds like the type of woman who says they "hate drama" and is always falling out with her friends because they turn out to be stupid b****es, but never realise the common denominator is them. Self-awareness rarely tends to be their strong suit.

Either way she showed her hand early, I wouldn't think too much of it. Better you never met up rather than you got to know her and she put her stress and drama into your life.

Edited June 12 by FredEire

[Helicon5]

34 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Yeah, she sounds like the type of woman who says they "hate drama" and is always falling out with her friends because they turn out to be stupid b****es, but never realise the common denominator is them. Self-awareness rarely tends to be their strong suit.

Either way she showed her hand early, I wouldn't think too much of it. Better you never met up rather than you got to know her and she put her stress and drama into your life.

Thanks brother. You're right on point. 👍🤘🤘

Edited June 12 by Helicon5

[Helicon5]

8 hours ago, FredEire said:

Yeah, she sounds like the type of woman who says they "hate drama" and is always falling out with her friends because they turn out to be stupid b****es, but never realise the common denominator is them. Self-awareness rarely tends to be their strong suit.

Either way she showed her hand early, I wouldn't think too much of it. Better you never met up rather than you got to know her and she put her stress and drama into your life.

I was thinking, maybe I should do that with everyone who wants to talk just to see their reaction to adversity. It would certainly be a good indicator of their tolerance and willingness to work together. lol