Need advice, I'm extremely hurt&broken

[Jr_01]

Hi, my name is Jr, I’m new to this, this is the only platform that I can talk to someone, I have nobody and I don’t have enough money to see anyone. Let me start out by saying that I’m a male, as I see that many people here are woman, I don’t have my little girl, I only get her weekends, I’m just giving some back ground on my “situation”. I would go into detail on how this all went about but it doesn’t matter anymore, I’m gonna start off by saying how I feel and just a little about me and her, we are not together we’ve been separate for 7 months. Well to say the least I’m hurt, I love her, I love my daughter and I miss her all the time, I can’t sleep I can’t breath, I feel like my chest is being pressed my 200 pounds, I have no one to talk to, she moves back to her parents which is  1 hour and 30 minutes away, I only get to see my daughter on weekends and it hurts so deep, I failed, all I wanted ever was a successful family, I find myself driving back home in tears and defeated, I drive extremely fast going back home 90-100mph, just hoping a cop will pull me over, knowing I’m not gonna stop,  make it my last day, feel like I just want to run into a concrete wall. I don’t do that anymore as much, I don’t want to make this super long, so I’ll skip stuff, but when we broke up, well she decided to break up she left me, we talked over that we would try again, I knew she never loved me, I didn’t cry at the moment we met up discussed, agreed to work on ourselves, but after we broke up, I couldn’t help but feel like she never loved me, I was the only one texting, I still cared, I sent her text messages expressing my feeling, I never even got an I still love you back even when I would say it, I’m all over the place with this post so I apologize, any way I wasn’t always the best man I could be I admit that, I never cheated or did anything like that, but she wasn’t always the best to me either not justifying anything just didn’t want to make it seem it was all me that I’m a monster, I’m not. I’m loving and caring, I have a big heart. I told her that i know she wasn’t gonna wait a year for me that she was gonna find someone else, I just knew it deep down, she never did anything for me, a big part of our issue was that she wanted to get engaged but I didn’t on top of our other normal relationship problems, to be honest this is the reason why, anyways I’m missing so much but I found out she’s been lying to me saying she’s been hanging out with her girls, she comes town and wants me to take our daughter, I have no problem with it, but I’m a local truck driver and I’m still working around 5-6 this time of year belly dump gets busy, well she wants me to go get our daughter so I do but she doesn’t see I’m looking at her I’m right in front of her her phone is in the car and she’s with another man, I break immediately, she doesn’t even notice me for minutes, so I leave and make an excuse I can’t make it he’s left,  once she’s on her she sees my messages that I was getting close, maybe I was wrong to leave but it’s not the first time she lied a to me, I mean I knew something was up she started ignoring my text about our daughter, I wake up every morning hoping I would get a text expressing how much she loved me, I feel like a moron dumb stupid f***, that guy even kissed my daughter goodbye, I was so hurt that she was lying to me so hurt, I’m happy for her I am, I don’t know how long that’s been going on probably a few months or more just felt like our relationship meant absolutely nothing.we where together almost 2 years, yes we had a baby early on 3 months in I know, I’m in texas by the way, so I been holding on to engagement ring I bought her she knows about it she wore it to try on, she’s on my bank acc, and I’m putting myself on child support so I can’t take her off, no I don’t need a signature we did it another way. Such a different post compared to the rest I know maybe even the wrong page to post I don’t know I have no one to talk to I just need advice on how to move on move forward how do I live knowing someone else is gonna raise my own daughter instead of me I’ll never be a dad or father, just some random guy, it hurts like pain I can’t explain but it’s exhausting, it feels like physical pain, I’m up at 4 am typing this knowing I have to go drive a semi early in the mornings not getting sleep, if anyone can give me advice, talk to me, help me I would really appreciate it, words can’t explain how I feel, I can’t stop thinking that I mean nothing to her that fast, I miss my daughter so much I close her door to her room I can’t see her toys I sometimes just accept she’s not mine so I can have a sense of relief in my head my body that I’m not there to watch her grow up I’m 23, she’ll be 23 this year as well our daughter is 1.5yrs old, lord I prayed for her and me so many nights, I prayed for her family for forgiveness for a return I prayed and prayed till I finally broke even my faith it hasn’t been here for so long I lost it and I don’t even believe anymore, I lost everything, come home to nothing, empty space empty memories, event with family around it feels hollow I’ll ever understand how someone can move on so fast, she said she would never leave me, that she would like me forever that she would probably still love me every after a year. Please keep hatful comments to yourself please I’m on the edge.

Thank you for listing to me.

[FMW]

Your daughter is a separate issue from your relationship with her mother.  Your focus should be on what you need to do to be financially stable and to have a home to share with your daughter when you have her.  You need to find a way to come to terms with the pain and disappointment of not being with your daughter's mother and stop letting that consume your thoughts.  You probably will never understand her motivations, but the bottom line is it just doesn't matter.  

I don't know where you live, but in most places there are legal services available to people who have limited money.  You need legal representation to help you with your parental rights.  You can't control who her mother lives with, but you are still your daughter's father.  Seek out legal help to make sure you retain your rights. 

I know it hurts, but you have to push through that pain for your daughter's sake.