Why does she ignore me when I ask her out?

[Corduroy]

I met this woman on Hinge about 3 months ago. We matched, had a good talk, and added each other on Instagram. For the past 3 months we've been liking each others stories, flirting almost every single day. She's the first person to view my stories and the first on my share list,  so I finally asked her out because I was tired of being pen pals and want to meet IRL. I haven't gotten a response in a few days and it's really bugging me, because she's still posting online. FYI she had a boyfriend who died unexpectedly a few years ago and I know she has issues dealing with it. I don't if she's ready to move on, and I don't want to push her, but I really like her and I think we could have potential.

[Nellea]

Has she dated people since this happened or has she been in a relationship at all? It might still be hard for her to get close to someone romantically. Maybe message her to say that there’s no pressure to meet, and you really just wanted to hang out in real life since you like her personality and like talking to her… but it’s totally up to her, and you’re also happy to chat on Insta.. etc.

Just so she doesn’t feel like you’ll take it the wrong way… in case she isn’t ready to meet you yet.

 

[Corduroy]

1 minute ago, Nellea said:

Has she dated people since this happened or has she been in a relationship at all? It might still be hard for her to get close to someone romantically. Maybe message her to say that there’s no pressure to meet, and you really just wanted to hang out in real life since you like her personality and like talking to her… but it’s totally up to her, and you’re also happy to chat on Insta.. etc.

Just so she doesn’t feel like you’ll take it the wrong way… in case she isn’t ready to meet you yet.

 

I don't think she's dated anyone since. But she did delete all her pictures of her BF except one, a few days after I followed her. She always posts things about healing and trying to be happy, wanting a man to love her the right way. That's why I wanted to make a move 

[Goodguy05]

5 hours ago, Corduroy said:

I met this woman on Hinge about 3 months ago. We matched, had a good talk, and added each other on Instagram. For the past 3 months we've been liking each others stories, flirting almost every single day. She's the first person to view my stories and the first on my share list,  so I finally asked her out because I was tired of being pen pals and want to meet IRL. I haven't gotten a response in a few days and it's really bugging me, because she's still posting online. FYI she had a boyfriend who died unexpectedly a few years ago and I know she has issues dealing with it. I don't if she's ready to move on, and I don't want to push her, but I really like her and I think we could have potential.

It looks like she's not interested in meeting up.

[Sony12]

Some people that's all they are looking for is a pen pal. Where they can still have opposite sex companionship while at the same time keeping them at a safe distance.

[flitzanu]

sometimes no response to a direct question is a very clear response

[ShyViolet]

Just because she likes your stories and interacts with you on instagram, that does not mean she is interested in meeting up.  You have asked her and she ignored it.  I don't know what other answer you are looking for.  If she was interested in meeting up she would have responded when you asked.

[basil67]

Why did you add her to IG instead of asking her on a date immediately?    Or did you ask her immediately and she said 'no'?

Edited June 12 by basil67

[Corduroy]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

Why did you add her to IG instead of asking her on a date immediately?    Or did you ask her immediately and she said 'no'?

Well she had it on her bio so I added her, I think it's a good way to get to know someone. 

[Corduroy]

7 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Just because she likes your stories and interacts with you on instagram, that does not mean she is interested in meeting up.  You have asked her and she ignored it.  I don't know what other answer you are looking for.  If she was interested in meeting up she would have responded when you asked.

She didn't actually ignore me , I sent it a few days ago and she didn't open it yet. She could have seen it and didn't wanna open it or just never gotten to it.  It did take her a while to respond in the past

Edited June 13 by Corduroy

[ExpatInItaly]

I think she likes having you in her fan club but she is not actually interested romatically. 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Corduroy said:

Well she had it on her bio so I added her, I think it's a good way to get to know someone. 

Unfortunately this move turned you into a follower rather than a date.  If you want to get to know a woman who's on her dating site, ask her on a date from the beginning.  

[Corduroy]

So she finally responded. She said "I'm down 😊" 

My 4 days of torture is finally over. I guess I was right about her, but I let my anxiety get to me.

[Esteban]

It may have been sensible in this case for all I know, but in general 3 months from matching on a dating site to asking someone out seems like a lot. I think you aim to meet a few days to 2 weeks after you match, otherwise they are going to lose interest, think you don't have courage, or think you're not that interested.

[Corduroy]

16 hours ago, Esteban said:

It may have been sensible in this case for all I know, but in general 3 months from matching on a dating site to asking someone out seems like a lot. I think you aim to meet a few days to 2 weeks after you match, otherwise they are going to lose interest, think you don't have courage, or think you're not that interested.

Well, I feel like we've been building interest if anything. Getting to know each other over time has helped in the past, as to meeting up with strangers from dating sites after a convo with small talk. 

[Esteban]

I had a couple of cases where we had a phone call or video call (maybe 20-60 minutes) before asking to meet in person, and those went well, and that's how I got from meeting someone online to meeting them in person a week or so later without it seeming weird. And those dates went well.

I did have about three earlier this year where I just chatted with them in the app for a day and then asked to meet them. That didn't go as well. They either dodged the question and never met me, or agreed to meet me and later cancelled it and I never met them.

[FredEire]

19 hours ago, Corduroy said:

So she finally responded. She said "I'm down 😊" 

My 4 days of torture is finally over. I guess I was right about her, but I let my anxiety get to me.

Go into it with an open mind, but given the amount of time it took to get to this point and her experience with her boyfriend she may have walls up in terms of any kind of romantic interest.

Just something to keep in mind.

[smackie9]

She's just filling her time with some of the attention you give her....friends zoned. 

[Esteban]

Maybe but you two don't know that for a fact. Still best thing is to go into the date with a positive attitude and some confidence and see where it goes. Good luck Cordoroy.

[ExpatInItaly]

It took her 4 days to respond. 

Please tread cautiously here. She doesn't sound very interested. 

[Herkamer]

I know this feeling because I've been going through something similar, although things have been getting a lot better lately, which I'll explain in a bit and link it to how it'll help.

There's a woman I've been friends with for 3 years. She's a single mother, very attractive, and a lot of fun to hang out with. In the last year, we really started getting close. I've been friends with her sister for that allotted time as well and brother-in-law for over year, and they usually tag along, all doing stuff as friends do. I really didn't get interested in her until 2 years ago and only a year until I started caring about and loving her as an individual. And I'm pretty certain she was developing feelings for me. Otherwise, she wouldn't have kept inviting me out. She has an ex-bf who's not in the picture anymore, other than having joint custody of their son. The ex was bad news (which her, her family, and her other friends can confirm) and this guy had created a lot of problems for her and their kid. This has effected her emotionally, and recently, she had been finding marks on her son after he visited his dad's place. The same marks that this guy left on her when they were together. I had asked her out 3 weeks ago, and I had before, but with her having her kid the majority of the time, it makes things tough. With recent current events, she told me she wasn't feeling that way towards me. I asked her if it had to do with all the things happening right now and she said 'yes.' But she told me that I have been a great friend and we'll still continue to go do stuff together in our group. I couldn't say one way or another if she was seeing or talking to someone else, but what I do know is I'm not with her and we're still friends. I drove home that night quiet and feeling down. This is someone I truly care about and she knows how much I do. But you can imagine with everything going on right now in her life that she may not want anything romantic until these problems are resolved. I feel bad that she's having to go through it because she's a good person. But when she's romantically unavailable right now, it's hard, and she's practically everything I had been looking for in a partner. However, because of our friendship, I'm respecting her space and not trying to go after her at this moment.

Now, how have I been feeling better lately? I mean I'm still grappling with everything I've been through with this woman, but I forget that there are things that are happening in my life I need to resolve. And also there have been many good things happening and about to pass. The hard lesson to learn is even when things seem like a bummer, if you're still breathing and moving, you're not dead. The best way to get your mind off of things is work, be with family and friends, and get more involved with your hobbies. Also, as a man myself, there are other women out there. I'm not actively going after the ones I'm considering, but I'm getting things settled on my end with certain situations I've got going. That and I'm not s**ping either because that'll make things worse. Overall, knowing my life has been improving outside of any relationship and that there are women who do find me interesting (in a good way, and with one woman I could potentially have a go at), I realize that things really aren't all that bad. That and if later on down the line, the woman I originally liked isn't with anyone nor am I, things could change between us and finally make a relationship happen. If not and another woman comes my way that I end up liking and the woman from my story ends up with someone, that's okay too.

One more story, I have a cousin who's older than I am. He's a nice enough person, but he's not very good with his social skills. There's a woman he liked that was 12 years younger than him (about 9 years older than me). This woman is much like the girl I liked, and when I met this one, she and I almost became instant friends. My cousin was head over heels for her. However, he was very apathetic in making an attempt to get her interested in him, which, in the end, she wasn't. He's very low energy and doesn't do much, which this woman is the polar opposite. She and I got along great, and at one point I had considered her as a potential to start a relationship with. I, more or less, went out with her once when I was just picking up something from her (long story). I almost didn't tell my cousin because of how immature he acts in these situations, but ended up telling him anyway, and since then, had a distrust and jealousy towards me. He now criticizes what I do and the women I like, even this girl I care about, saying how bad she is, even though he hardly knows her. He's bitter because he asked the woman he likes out multiple times and she has lightly hinted to him that she's not interested, and hears about me going out to dinner with her one time and he becomes enraged over that, even though she now has a bf. He just doesn't want me beating him to the punch, even though I'm not in competition with him. He's still hoping beyond hope that she will run into his arms rather than someone else's, all the while there have been women (one in particular who I would have started something with if I were his age) who have shown interest that he passed up. Since then, he's gained 30-40 pounds, became bitter and judgmental, and he continues being jealous of what I'm doing with others (as well as other women expressing interest).

The point is don't worry too much about this woman in your story not responding to you. As you said, her ex-bf passed away. She may not be romantically available right now. She probably, like the girl from my story, wants to be on her own for awhile and maybe do some things with her friends just to relieve a lot of the pain, as well as resolving the problems she has going on in her life. And if she is talking to someone else, let it run its course. Unless if something changes on her end and she wants to go out with you, don't stand idly by and let life fly by you. I get that, as men, it's natural for us to have that special woman in our lives because it's sense that we have been completed and can have that image that we did our family proud by expanding it. However, that's simply a feeling, not the reality. You DO have worth and you ARE making a positive impact, and, who knows, there may already be someone who's had their eye on you for awhile that you may have met and had thoughts on before. Keep moving forward and don't be like my cousin, who's stuck in the past and won't let go. And don't become bitter because you didn't get what you wanted at the time. Sure, I think about the girl I care about but I'm not letting the thought of her slow me down, and you shouldn't with the girl in your story.