Keeves1 Posted June 12 Share Posted June 12 Hey/Hello/Hola/Bonjour to wherever you are! I hope you guys are having a great summer so far 🙌😄 As most people know I’ve been posting here regularly before when I was in a relationship with Maria (Now my Ex) I took some time off from dating to work on myself. I recently started dating again and met this girl called Em. We have been on alot of dates now… I think it has been 5 dates total so far and it is going great. She does not have physical touch as her love language but so do I. We have not been physical yet with touching and we have yet to have our first kiss. Only a quick kiss on the face cheeks so to speak. Even coming so far as we are now we do have had the talk to date exclusively and I know now that she likes to take things slow. Furthermore she will come home to my place on saturday and I will make her Tikka Masala and then we will watch Kdrama on Netflix. I’m not sure what to expect. Some part of me thinks of sex.. am I wrong to think that? Either way I’m better of just focusing on having a great time and to have fun watching the series and to have great conversation. let’s see how this goes! ☺️ Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 If you haven’t actually kissed the woman yet, I think it’s a big leap to expect sex. There are a lot of steps between kissing and sex that you could take to be sure that she is comfortable being physical with you… I would focus on that - maybe sitting together to cuddle, having that first kiss, and letting things progress naturally… 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: There are a lot of steps between kissing and sex that you could take to be sure that she is comfortable being physical with you… I would focus on that - maybe sitting together to cuddle, having that first kiss, and letting things progress naturally… Will do 🙌 I will try to hold my arm around her and see how she reacts. If it progress well then I think I can introduce to touch her hair and maybe her legs. Just have to find good excuse to touch her hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 Bonjour:-) I agree with @BaileyB concentrate on the next step instead of the final reward. There is nothing wrong with 5 dates and no sex. If I am reading this well you have just established exclusivity to don't be in a rush. When she says she wants to take things slow she probably hints she's not the type to jump into bed fast. Do you know if she is just out of a relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Bonjour:-) I agree with @BaileyB concentrate on the next step instead of the final reward. There is nothing wrong with 5 dates and no sex. If I am reading this well you have just established exclusivity to don't be in a rush. When she says she wants to take things slow she probably hints she's not the type to jump into bed fast. Do you know if she is just out of a relationship? Thanku! She got out of a relationship last year! The same with me too Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Bonjour:-) I agree with @BaileyB concentrate on the next step instead of the final reward. There is nothing wrong with 5 dates and no sex. If I am reading this well you have just established exclusivity to don't be in a rush. When she says she wants to take things slow she probably hints she's not the type to jump into bed fast. Do you know if she is just out of a relationship? If I have understood you correctly you mean that I should take things as it comes and if sex comes naturally then it happends but if not I just need to focus on having a good time? what do you mean by «concentrate on the next step?» sorry but I don’t think there is next step. It’s to soon to ask her to be my GF when we recently had the talk to date exclusively 😅 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 19 minutes ago, Keeves1 said: If I have understood you correctly you mean that I should take things as it comes and if sex comes naturally then it happends but if not I just need to focus on having a good time? Are you dating with a purpose? meaning do you know what you want? Are you looking for a relationship or you just want casual dating? That is very important to know to not waste your time and other people's time. 19 minutes ago, Keeves1 said: what do you mean by «concentrate on the next step?» sorry but I don’t think there is next step. It’s to soon to ask her to be my GF when we recently had the talk to date exclusively 😅 Oh! no! lol. By next step I meant holding her hand! touching her arm, a kiss on her lips, hugs. Like BaileyB said don't expect to go from no touch at all to jumping in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 19 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Are you dating with a purpose? meaning do you know what you want? Are you looking for a relationship or you just want casual dating? That is very important to know to not waste your time and other people's time. Oh! no! lol. By next step I meant holding her hand! touching her arm, a kiss on her lips, hugs. Like BaileyB said don't expect to go from no touch at all to jumping in bed. Yes I’m dating with the purpose if having a relationships that last long time. No casual dating! ah I got you! Yeah ofc I will try to hold her hand etc… Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 18 hours ago, Keeves1 said: Some part of me thinks of sex.. am I wrong to think that? Maybe and maybe not. You have to start with light touching and read her cues. If you're unsure, you should ask. There's no harm at all with asking "is this okay?" at any point, affirmative consent is important. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 5 dates and there hasn't even been a kiss yet? And you have already talked about exclusivity? This is completely weird and something is off balance here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 12 hours ago, ShyViolet said: 5 dates and there hasn't even been a kiss yet? And you have already talked about exclusivity? This is completely weird and something is off balance here. I agree, sometimes I think maybe I'm off-base when I see posts like this, but there's taking it slow and then there's this. Hey, maybe some people only feel comfortable going at a snails pace, but 5 dates in if we haven't kissed yet I'd usually assume it's because she doesn't want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 49 minutes ago, FredEire said: but 5 dates in if we haven't kissed Maybe she's on a forum somewhere and asking why OP has not made a move for a kiss yet. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Maybe she's on a forum somewhere and asking why OP has not made a move for a kiss yet. Quite possibly 😂 I sometimes wonder if two people have ever posted about eachother on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted June 14 Author Share Posted June 14 2 minutes ago, FredEire said: Quite possibly 😂 I sometimes wonder if two people have ever posted about eachother on this forum. HAHAHAHA I honestly am curios about it too Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted June 14 Author Share Posted June 14 59 minutes ago, FredEire said: I agree, sometimes I think maybe I'm off-base when I see posts like this, but there's taking it slow and then there's this. Hey, maybe some people only feel comfortable going at a snails pace, but 5 dates in if we haven't kissed yet I'd usually assume it's because she doesn't want to. It’s not like she does not want to. I think I need to make the first move. I’ve tried but it’s difficult when I’m making eye contact with her and she could not maintain it for a long time before breaking it :S Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 1 hour ago, Keeves1 said: It’s not like she does not want to. I think I need to make the first move. I’ve tried but it’s difficult when I’m making eye contact with her and she could not maintain it for a long time before breaking it :S I think you just need to go for it. After a certain point people just think you're not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 You are NOT going to have sex with her, when you haven't even kissed her. I'll be blunt: there is a very high chance she's not attracted to you. Never assume lack of physical contact is because a woman is shy or religious or hesitant. Almost always, no contact at 5 dates means she's not romantically interested in you. Now, let's say she IS somehow interested. You guys are still in a red flag stage. Something is wrong. Quit trying so hard to get her to the next step. You need HER to voluntarily (with no pressure or additional persuasion from you) to want to get to the stage and to signal to you that she wants to get to the next stage. Honestly, I would RUN if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 2 hours ago, Keeves1 said: I think I need to make the first move. I Yes! Just ask her.....can I kiss you. Then you'll have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted June 15 Author Share Posted June 15 UPDATE: She came over at my place around 18:00. We first watched UEFA EURO’s and then we made Tikka Masala together. After we were done eating we decided to watch KDrama and cuddles underneath with a blanket. We had candies, chocolate and yeah it was a good day! We did have our first kiss! I asked her and she said yes. I’ve tried to initiate sex but she turned me down and I said sorry and stopped. It seems like she is interested but likes to takes things slow. By all means we have dated for 1 month now Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted June 15 Share Posted June 15 Yay Keeves! This is lovely to hear. x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 15 Share Posted June 15 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Keeves1 said: We did have our first kiss! I asked her and she said yes. I’ve tried to initiate sex but she turned me down and I said sorry and stopped. Yay!!! :-) Why did you try to initiate sex? We explained to you that these things have to progress. Are you only looking to get sex? Cause you seem to focus only on that. I mean you're counting the days!! 1 month no sex is normal! How long are you ok to wait? Edited June 15 by Gaeta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 16 Share Posted June 16 (edited) You are not ready for sex and clearly she is not ready. What the heck are you doing?! You need to be kissing passionately before you can have sex. And you need to have the birth control discussion where you both decide what type of birth control to use. And you may need the std discussion. AND ... you guys (based on your backgrounds as far as I can tell) need to figure out what your relationship is. This woman is NOT interested in casual sex. Edited June 16 by Lotsgoingon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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