DesiEgg Posted June 16 Share Posted June 16 (edited) Me and my bf (I don’t know what to call him now) visited each other everything was fine then 3 days after the visit he started acting weird (on text) and then we called and then he didn’t say it but I asked” do you want to break up?” He didn’t answer and I just asked why? And he said it’s a compatability issue and then I asked like what? ( because we’re going on about 2 years in the relationship) he didn’t even know and then he feels he’s been tolerating me (for about 5 months) and I didn’t even know all of this. During this conversation I felt he was confused and lost at the same time so I asked do you want to breakup or have a break. He said he’ll sleep on it. Next day I decided we needed a break due to other things going on in my life rn I can’t handle a breakup at this moment bc I need to focus. So I called and told him I think we should do a break and then I said he should work on himself (bc he does have unresolved trauma) and then he said that he was thinking and said his mind was pointing towards the break and so we agreed. During the break in the beginning he’s texting saying “sorry I let you down” , “feeling better but worse at the same time”,” ruined what I already had”, and that he’s feeling regret sorrow and shame everyday”. I told him to let me know when he’s ready to tell me. And I also gave him opportunities to just say no to the break and stuff so I wasn’t “trapping” him. I understand that he has unresolved issues and im willing to wait until he figures stuff out I don’t believe in leaving someone bc they have issues (unless it’s abuse or sum wild). But it just hurts for me. We’ve been texting everyday. I had to stop saying I love you and babe when we talk. I even tried doing a new hobby (Pokémon cards etc) and he was like should I buy some too and we can play together (mind you he said this while we’re on a break right now). And then just thinking to myself like recently I wondered if our relationship was a lie and I was just delusional. Like I said it’s kinda idk at this point he doesn’t know. When we decided to take a break he literally texted me next day asking “how’s my weekend” then the next day about feeling sorrow and next day then we called each other. Now it’s been 4 days of officially no contact since he hasn’t texted since. But now I wonder what if he got over it? What if he was just trying to get over it mentally and emotionally and he’s fine now and already decided? Or is he taking time to work on himself? Or did he agree to the break because it would give me time to heal when he does break up? I love him and I want it to work out but the pessimism side of me tells me I just elongated a break up and he already decided to break up and still be friends. I’m hurting so bad. Did I make this worse for him? Is it possible for us to work? Am i fighting a losing battle? Edited June 16 by DesiEgg Left some points Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 16 Share Posted June 16 I think yes, you’re making it worse by keeping contact, and yes, I don’t think this is a battle you should fight. I think you should just let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 16 Share Posted June 16 55 minutes ago, DesiEgg said: I don’t believe in leaving someone bc they have issues This isn't about "believing in" anything. It's about recognizing when someone doesn't really want to be there anymore, and doing what is best for us to avoid further pain. Becase it's (frankly speaking) already over. How do we know? This: 56 minutes ago, DesiEgg said: he feels he’s been tolerating me (for about 5 months) He's already emotionally out the door. The only person you made it worse for is yourself, girl. When someone tells us what he told you, you need to read the hurtful writing on the wall and let them go. He might feel bad for hurting you but this is only prolonging the inevitable. I'm sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted June 16 Share Posted June 16 A clean break would actually be easier for you in the long run. You'd already be moving towards healing right now. This situation is really hanging onto a thread. I'm sorry but he really wants to end this ... saying that he "tolerates" you leaves really no room at all for anything to become right between you. He is just too weak to tell you straight out, so he went along with your "break" suggestion. As far as texting everyday - it's a comfortable routine that both of you have gotten into. I'm sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 16 Share Posted June 16 (edited) He’s told you in as many words that he is letting go… I think you need to respect and accept that. Choose to invest in relationships only with people who are equally invested… you should never try to convince anyone to be in a relationship with you. For whatever the reason, he is no longer invested in a romantic relationship with you. I’m very sorry. Edited June 16 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesiEgg Posted June 16 Author Share Posted June 16 So I tried to just end it and I told him we should end it since honestly you’re checked out and it’ll probably not even work but the he was like he doesn’t know and needs time to figure it out? I’m just confused Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 16 Share Posted June 16 31 minutes ago, DesiEgg said: So I tried to just end it and I told him we should end it since honestly you’re checked out and it’ll probably not even work but the he was like he doesn’t know and needs time to figure it out? I’m just confused He's stringing you along. It's not easy to break up with someone even when you want to. Even if he takes you back, he will break up again. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 16 Share Posted June 16 4 hours ago, DesiEgg said: So I tried to just end it and I told him we should end it since honestly you’re checked out and it’ll probably not even work but the he was like he doesn’t know and needs time to figure it out? I’m just confused You don't need his agreement to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted June 17 Share Posted June 17 5 hours ago, DesiEgg said: So I tried to just end it and I told him we should end it since honestly you’re checked out and it’ll probably not even work but the he was like he doesn’t know and needs time to figure it out? I’m just confused What do YOU want? Please leave out the "ifs," hopes and wishful thinking. What this man has to offer to you is what he is giving right now. Is this good for you, just as it is? I know it's not. So honor yourSELF. Truly, if he needs time to figure something out, he has all the time in the world. If he realizes that he needs YOU in his life, he will know how to find you, but there is no reason in the world why you should be hanging out waiting and hoping that this happens some day. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 17 Share Posted June 17 10 hours ago, DesiEgg said: but the he was like he doesn’t know and needs time to figure it out? Personally, I would end it and give him time to think about it. If he wants to continue with the relationship, you will consider that if you are still single and he is ready to commit to the relationship. This whole - I just don’t know but I don’t want to end it - isn’t going to work for you long term. Frankly, you deserve more than then he is offering right now but the only person who can decide that is you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 17 Share Posted June 17 Is he seeing someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 17 Share Posted June 17 7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Is he seeing someone else? Also my question. It was the first thing I wondered…. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship, but he wants to keep you around in case it doesn’t work out. Link to post Share on other sites
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