Normalgirl123 Posted June 17 Share Posted June 17 My ex of 2 years recently asked if I wanted to have dinner. I agreed. This comes after I reached out to him a year or so ago ( he ended things) to see if we could meet. My intentions being to try again. He agreed to talk via text first and ultimately decided not to meet me and ended it with he will always have feelings for me, wished me the best etc. It was at that moment I finally decided to let go and move past this, got myself into counseling and was doing great. Until 4 months ago he sends a random text, just a link to an article about something he clearly knew I'd know about (my fav golfer being disqualified) with a laughing emoji. I ignored it. WTH? You told me you didn't want to see me. Well in May we started talking a bit, just light conversation and not often. He's now asked me to dinner. He said he's excited to see me and catch up. What does that even mean? I still love him. Catching up and parting ways will be hard for me. It would be too hard for me to be friends also. Ugh. Confused. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 17 Share Posted June 17 It sounds like he hit a dry spell and is reaching back into the past for company. Be cautious here. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 17 Share Posted June 17 (edited) I agree, he's recently single or he's bored of online dating. There is no need to keep things confusing, ask him what he wants. It's your life so stand at the doorway of *your life* and ask people why they want to come in. When my ex contacted me after 1.5 year l asked him what he wanted, he said he wanted to be friends because he missed me and he'll always love me blahblah. I said l was not interested in his friendship and if he was looking to rekindle our relationship then the day he showed up at my door to ask for my forgiveness l would consider then. Guess who never showed up! Edited June 17 by Gaeta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 17 Share Posted June 17 If you still are in love with him don't see him, it will set you way back. Dinner and a "let's catch up" sounds real casual. He probably figures you're over him by now and he may be in a dry spell, needs sex and is circling back around to a sure thing. If he wanted to get back with you the conversation would've been a lot different, and you wouldn't be guessing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
archmagus Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 The dinner is just a date. He's decided he wants you back. Now's the time to be a little less available. You're not a puppet on his strings, or some kind of placeholder until he can find something better. So here's how you do this: you meet him for dinner, you act nonchalant and have fun. Make it a great time. But you don't linger: you have to leave. Say you have somewhere to go. Then for the next 10 days, you ignore him. No communication. Then he'll reach out, you'll set up another date. Have a great time on the date, then pull the same trick. Keep doing this until you're ready to make it clear to him that you're the one calling the shots in this relationship. But if he decides to walk away (and that's a possibility), then he's not worth your time. He needs to understand that his indecision and lack of commitment is not acceptable, and you're not going to wait around for him. So: Have fun on the date, then leave. Ignore him for 10 days. Repeat steps 1 and 2. Once he's hooked, then you can start being a little more available. But never forget that you're the prize. If he doesn't understand that, he's not worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normalgirl123 Posted June 18 Author Share Posted June 18 55 minutes ago, archmagus said: The dinner is just a date. He's decided he wants you back. Now's the time to be a little less available. You're not a puppet on his strings, or some kind of placeholder until he can find something better. So here's how you do this: you meet him for dinner, you act nonchalant and have fun. Make it a great time. But you don't linger: you have to leave. Say you have somewhere to go. Then for the next 10 days, you ignore him. No communication. Then he'll reach out, you'll set up another date. Have a great time on the date, then pull the same trick. Keep doing this until you're ready to make it clear to him that you're the one calling the shots in this relationship. But if he decides to walk away (and that's a possibility), then he's not worth your time. He needs to understand that his indecision and lack of commitment is not acceptable, and you're not going to wait around for him. So: Have fun on the date, then leave. Ignore him for 10 days. Repeat steps 1 and 2. Once he's hooked, then you can start being a little more available. But never forget that you're the prize. If he doesn't understand that, he's not worth your time. Interesting. And, if he literally just wants to catch up and part ways, then what? It sets me back, that will hurt. or let’s say you’re right (but why did he just throw himself back on all the dating sites? 🤔) and I do what you say… he texts 2 days later or whatever. Ignore him for 10 days? I understand exactly where you’re going with this, I just don’t really know what his intentions are. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 Just now, Normalgirl123 said: I just don’t really know what his intentions are. Why don't you ask him what his intentions are? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normalgirl123 Posted June 18 Author Share Posted June 18 3 hours ago, stillafool said: If you still are in love with him don't see him, it will set you way back. Dinner and a "let's catch up" sounds real casual. He probably figures you're over him by now and he may be in a dry spell, needs sex and is circling back around to a sure thing. If he wanted to get back with you the conversation would've been a lot different, and you wouldn't be guessing. I feel the conversation probably would have been different also. Though I just never know with him. You’re correct, he knows I’m a sure thing. Maybe time to change that. thank you for your response. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 Why don't you ask him what his intentions are before you put your heart on the line and meet him? I don't believe in playing games to get someone to want you. They have to want you of there own free will or they will hurt you again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normalgirl123 Posted June 18 Author Share Posted June 18 9 minutes ago, stillafool said: Why don't you ask him what his intentions are before you put your heart on the line and meet him? I don't believe in playing games to get someone to want you. They have to want you of there own free will or they will hurt you again. My gut says don’t do this to yourself again, and for once, do something different…don’t let him back in, in any way. It’s time for me to finally change this and stand up for myself. I am not playing any game whatsoever. I still love this person, someine who has hurt me too many times. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normalgirl123 Posted June 18 Author Share Posted June 18 16 hours ago, Gaeta said: I agree, he's recently single or he's bored of online dating. There is no need to keep things confusing, ask him what he wants. It's your life so stand at the doorway of *your life* and ask people why they want to come in. When my ex contacted me after 1.5 year l asked him what he wanted, he said he wanted to be friends because he missed me and he'll always love me blahblah. I said l was not interested in his friendship and if he was looking to rekindle our relationship then the day he showed up at my door to ask for my forgiveness l would consider then. Guess who never showed up! You’re so right. I have the right to ask, of course. But I just don’t see the point now. As suspected, he’s all over the dating sites and that says everything, along with what I’ve already been through. He would not show up at my door either, guaranteed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 12 minutes ago, Normalgirl123 said: You’re so right. I have the right to ask, of course. But I just don’t see the point now. As suspected, he’s all over the dating sites and that says everything, along with what I’ve already been through. He would not show up at my door either, guaranteed No, he would not show up. I am so glad you are seeing through him. There is NO point at all in going ahead with meeting him. It will just set the clock back to 0 for you in terms of getting over him. Your ex is cruel, as cruel as my ex was, for contacting you. Your ex knows how much he's hurt you and he still decided to open that wounds just for the sake of distracting himself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 By not meeting with him you now have the upper hand. He's fully expecting you to jump at the chance to see him and fall into his arms. Now you've put him in a position to wonder what happened and to realize you are a strong person. You will not regret this decision not to see him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 I'm in the camp that you should almost never go back to your ex. It's very rare that the fundamentals of what made you break up in the first place have changed so much that it's now a good idea. Both of you being lonely or lingering feelings of love aren't nearly enough, it's just a fast-track to getting hurt all over again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 He's having a dry spell and thinks you'll be grateful to fill his void. Don't go on the date, and stop communicating with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normalgirl123 Posted June 18 Author Share Posted June 18 8 hours ago, stillafool said: By not meeting with him you now have the upper hand. He's fully expecting you to jump at the chance to see him and fall into his arms. Now you've put him in a position to wonder what happened and to realize you are a strong person. You will not regret this decision not to see him. Thank you so much. I know you are right! I appreciate your input. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 On 6/17/2024 at 12:49 PM, Normalgirl123 said: My intentions being to try again. He agreed to talk via text first and ultimately decided not to meet me and ended it with he will always have feelings for me, wished me the best etc. I think he just wanted to meet as friends but since you had an intention to get back together he did not want to mislead you. He probably just wanted to catch up platonically. I think it would serve you well to keep your distance and keep living your life. People can have warm feelings towards their ex but that doesn't mean they want to be together again. They might just want to catch up and see how the other person is doing. That's what this sounds like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 16 hours ago, Normalgirl123 said: I still love this person, someine who has hurt me too many times. Then it would be incredibly foolish to meet up with him again. It's time to block him everywhere so you can finallly move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normalgirl123 Posted June 19 Author Share Posted June 19 5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Then it would be incredibly foolish to meet up with him again. It's time to block him everywhere so you can finallly move on. It’s time. thank you for taking the time to respond. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normalgirl123 Posted June 19 Author Share Posted June 19 14 hours ago, MsJayne said: He's having a dry spell and thinks you'll be grateful to fill his void. Don't go on the date, and stop communicating with him. Most likely the case. I am not going to go. Thank you for responding. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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