moonpies3688 Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 we were going to look at a house,my first time buying one, she asked what I thought of it because we were going the next day. I said from the pictures it looks really nice I'm interested but I wanna see what it looks like, roofing, plumbing , I have questions. I talked about how it was likely going to be over what we planned so we had to figure out if it would work financially Turns out the next morning the realtor texted me and said a offer got approved So I called her to tell her and i could tell she was upset then she texted me saying she knew we wouldn't get it because I was going to drag my feet and i was talking down to her like she was stupid I told her no i wasn't, it's my first time I was abit nervous and wanted to just figure it out financially Then she texted me later saying she doesn't know if we should even buy a house or if we are even ready to live together (we have been together a year and a half)and she needs time to ponder. She ignored my call and ignored my 2 texts I just can not figure out what the hell is the problem. I hate being ignored so this is really frustrating to me and I'm trying to stay somewhat calm. Even on Sunday she was talking about how excited she was to live together tl;dr gf upset we didnt view a house now reconsidering us living together Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 (edited) How long have you two been dating? Definitely sounds like you two might not be right for each other. Is she very materialistic? And in all honesty you should only buy a new house with someone you are either already married to or about to get married to. Edited June 18 by Sony12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 (edited) 38 minutes ago, Sony12 said: How long have you two been dating? Definitely sounds like you two might not be right for each other. Is she very materialistic? And in all honesty you should only buy a new house with someone you are either already married to or about to get married to. Agree with this 100%, from a purely financial point of view any other alternative does not make a lot of sense. As for the OP post, my suggestion is sit down and talk about it, text and calls are not efficient ways to resolve conflict. Edited June 18 by ZA Dater Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 (edited) You found a house and she expected you to put a bid on without first looking it over? WTAF? To be clear, are you buying this house as an individual or jointly? I'm really concerned that she may be very spoiled. Or has inappropriate ways of dealing with disappointment. Unreasonably blaming others when things don't work out as you'd hoped is a very toxic trait. Some serious red flags here! If a conversation with her doesn't settle things down, you may want to rethink this whole situation. But to give the benefit of doubt, perhaps she will soon learn that you guys will see many houses before getting the one you want. Some will look nice on the outside, but fail at closer inspection, some will be found by others before you so they will get a head start. And if you're in a heated property market or the house is something really special, the competition is even harder and there will be many disappointments. You were absolutely right to hold off putting a bid on prior to inspection. Do you have skills in the building trade? If so, DIY inspection may be enough, but if you don't have those skills as a trade, I'd advise having a professional building and pest inspection done first. That said, apparently in some countries/states you can place an offer which can be rescinded if the inspection is terrible. Edited June 18 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 2 hours ago, moonpies3688 said: Then she texted me later saying she doesn't know if we should even buy a house or if we are even ready to live together (we have been together a year and a half)and she needs time to ponder. She ignored my call and ignored my 2 texts This is complete manipulation and intimidation. Is this the first time she is threatening the relationship? If a boyfriend would tell me this I would put a stop on our project to purchase a house together. Your relationship has other issues than this one event here. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 2 hours ago, moonpies3688 said: we were going to look at a house,my first time buying one, she asked what I thought of it because we were going the next day. I said from the pictures it looks really nice I'm interested but I wanna see what it looks like, roofing, plumbing , I have questions. I talked about how it was likely going to be over what we planned so we had to figure out if it would work financially Turns out the next morning the realtor texted me and said a offer got approved So I called her to tell her and i could tell she was upset then she texted me saying she knew we wouldn't get it because I was going to drag my feet and i was talking down to her like she was stupid I told her no i wasn't, it's my first time I was abit nervous and wanted to just figure it out financially Then she texted me later saying she doesn't know if we should even buy a house or if we are even ready to live together (we have been together a year and a half)and she needs time to ponder. She ignored my call and ignored my 2 texts I just can not figure out what the hell is the problem. I hate being ignored so this is really frustrating to me and I'm trying to stay somewhat calm. Even on Sunday she was talking about how excited she was to live together tl;dr gf upset we didnt view a house now reconsidering us living together It's probably a reaction to both the pressure of house-hunting and moving to the next stage of your relationship, but it sounds like she threw her toys out of the pram in a rather childish way. If this is her reaction to this speed bump I took would question if you want to be with a woman who doesn't seem to have her head screwed on and nonsensically blames you when a speed bump comes up. If it's like this now imagine what happens when you throw in marriage, kids etc, having to deal with a woman who acts like this all the time would be a living hell. It's hard to know of course without context whether this is very out of character for her. As @basil67 said hopefully she will come back admit she overreacted and realise it's just part of the process, I hope so for your sake. Definitely stand your ground with this stuff though as if you take the blame for something totally unjustified it's a boundary crossed and a slippery slope. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 Well, you have just learned she is not mature enough to live together, let alone own property together. Be very wary of this woman. Do not co-mingle finances at this time. She isn't anywhere near ready for that. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 You are buying a house with a woman you are not married to, who you've only been dating a year and a half? Unbelievably foolish decision. Buying a house is a serious, life-altering commitment and not something you go into with someone who you aren't in a SUPER solid relationship with. Do not buy a house with this woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 Buying a house as a couple is a huge decision that creates a lot of stress. Even very solid, long relationships sometimes collapse from that. Whatever your GF’s issues might be, however she behaves in the near future, please delay the purchase of the house for at least a year or so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 You don't invest in someone who stonewalls you, and refuses to communicate. She's immature, acts like a child having a tantrum. She expects her behavior will punish you for what you did.....dude send this girl to the curb I'm tell ya.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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