BaileyB Posted June 24 Share Posted June 24 (edited) 2 hours ago, Bern216 said: after she broke up with me last night I was willing to drive back home but she hid my keys so I had to stay Just reading your last post - this woman is bat $h?# crazy. There is some serious trauma here and likely some pretty serious mental health issues. If she was a man and this story was reversed, people would be calling him controlling and abusive and advising you to leave the relationship. This is NOT ok. No contact is the only way to go. I’m sorry. Edited June 24 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 24 Author Share Posted June 24 I now feel like a complete piece of s***. She got an STD test and tested positive. I know it’s bc of me bc my past I did sleep around but thought I was truly clean. Now she seriously hates me has blocked me on everything and now I just feel worse. I just can’t win at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 24 Share Posted June 24 (edited) 45 minutes ago, Bern216 said: Now she seriously hates me has blocked me on everything and now I just feel worse. I just can’t win at this point. Although certainly the STD issue is problematic and something you need to take a LOT more seriously next time around, if you read what (I believe) everyone above has posted, having her not be in your life anymore IS winning. This woman is a head case. One issue some young men have when faced with women who are sexy trainwrecks is they are so taken in by the sexy they fail to properly account for the trainwreck part when they make decisions. At any rate, congratulations on winning! (seriously) It's too bad transmitting an STD is what it took. Edited June 24 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 24 Share Posted June 24 2 hours ago, Bern216 said: I now feel like a complete piece of s***. She got an STD test and tested positive. I know it’s bc of me bc my past I did sleep around but thought I was truly clean. Now she seriously hates me has blocked me on everything and now I just feel worse. I just can’t win at this point. Don't assume it's you until you actually test positive. Were you and your girlfriend using condoms? Did you use condoms when you were sleeping around? If you always practiced safe sex when sleeping around, I wouldn't assume you're the culprit When was your last STD test? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 25 Author Share Posted June 25 We’ve never used a condom and I didn’t every time when I slept around which I admit was irresponsible. It’s been a year since I last got one but I went today waiting on results and will be picking up my prescription tomorrow as they’re doing it as a precautionary. I told her already if I’m at fault I will take full accountability and pay for any bills that come with it. I just feel even more awful considering everything else. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 (edited) 1 minute ago, Bern216 said: We’ve never used a condom and I didn’t every time when I slept around which I admit was irresponsible. It’s been a year since I last got one but I went today waiting on results and will be picking up my prescription tomorrow as they’re doing it as a precautionary. I told her already if I’m at fault I will take full accountability and pay for any bills that come with it. I just feel even more awful considering everything else. If she didn't insist on a condom or ask that both of you be tested before going without them, then she's equally at fault. Only a fool would assume that the new partner is STD free Edited June 25 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 25 Author Share Posted June 25 I was also very transparent that I’ve had a lot of partners in the past but yes she never requested we wear protection or get tested. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 19 minutes ago, Bern216 said: I was also very transparent that I’ve had a lot of partners in the past but yes she never requested we wear protection or get tested. Both of you were reckless and equally at fault. All in all though, it's up to her to police what she consensually accepts into her body. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 On 6/19/2024 at 4:01 PM, Bern216 said: So my girlfriend has had a rough life especially childhood and her last relationship so she does suffer from a lot of past trauma. Everybody that has been close to her has abandoned her at one point or another including her parents. Dude, you were delusional to think that you're so special that she wasn't going to push you away like she pushes everyone else away. That's a savior-hero (and young person's) delusion. About as realistic as thinking you can jump off the summit of Everest and fly your way down. Her past is all red flags. The only exception is if she were in intensive serious therapy and trauma treatment that might also include medications. Even then she might not be able to be a reliable and kind partner. You were simply naive and foolish to ignore her history. And yes, she kept up the front for four months. That sounds about right. I dated someone who kept up a front for six months ... some can do it for a year. Then the real person and how they really think and behave shows up. Unconditional love is just irrelevant. You want to love her, then stop dating her. You date someone because they are a good partner, a fantastic partner, right now. You don't date someone if you have to hold your nose and suffer abusive attacks. Run dude. And drop the hero complex. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 Please, please let this be a wake-up call for you on several levels. One: Use protection. You have no idea what you havepreviously been exposed to, nor what she has exposed you to. Maybe she didn't catch this STI from you, but has now given it to you. It is incredibly foolish to not be more careful about your healh, especially considering bugs out there are irreversible. Two: Slow down. You hadn't dated this woman long enough to really know her, and you were making grand future plans without a solid foundation established in the relationship. Now you are seeing why it would have been naive to uproot yourself and your work for someone you hadn't even dated for half a year. I get the strong impression (based on the above) that you are a fairly impulsive person and don't really think ahead much. This is going to come back to bite you in even bigger ways if you don't change your approach to life and start using your head more, man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 I doubt you've heard the last of her, the STD not withstanding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 You are not responsible for her std medical bills. She is responsible for her sexual health and had unprotected sex fully aware you had previous unprotected sex. You need to wish her well and block her. She will get over having an std, you will get over it, life will go on. Count yourself lucky you did not get HIV. Let it be a good life lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 If she had sex with you without protection then it's almost certain it wasn't the first time she's had unprotected sex. Unless she was tested prior to your first time together there is no way to know who passed it on. Stay away from her, her instability seems to be growing. Open your eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 26 Author Share Posted June 26 I’m hurting a lot today. This has been the first day of actual NC and it’s just been brutal. I know I deserve better I just think embracing the pain I’m feeling right now is healthy and what I need to do. Just really helps that I can write my thoughts down here. I truly appreciate this community. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 9 hours ago, Bern216 said: I’m hurting a lot today. This has been the first day of actual NC and it’s just been brutal. I know I deserve better I just think embracing the pain I’m feeling right now is healthy and what I need to do. Just really helps that I can write my thoughts down here. I truly appreciate this community. Breakups are hard, even when the relationship has turned toxic and we know we need to end it. The first couple of weeks will be hard but you will get over this. Put things into perspective, this was a 4 month relationship, you are not losing anything. Will you be able to cancel your job transfer? I sincerely hope you are seeing where you really rushed this relationship without knowing who she really was. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 (edited) On 6/25/2024 at 12:39 AM, ExpatInItaly said: One: Use protection. You have no idea what you havepreviously been exposed to, nor what she has exposed you to. Maybe she didn't catch this STI from you, but has now given it to you. It is incredibly foolish to not be more careful about your healh, especially considering bugs out there are irreversible. Not only that - what if she is pregnant? You are now parenting a child for the rest of your life with a woman that you did not take the time to get to know… who has now proven herself to be not someone that you want in your life… Edited June 26 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 26 Author Share Posted June 26 Yes I dodged a huge bullet by one not moving down there and getting her pregnant. As for your question I’ve already talked to my company and they’re gonna keep me where I am at. My work transfer wasn’t going to happen until Oct 1st. I just feel like an idiot for wanting this girl back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 (edited) 49 minutes ago, Bern216 said: I just feel like an idiot for wanting this girl back. It takes a while to let go of the dream that you had built around this woman and this relationship. Give it time. Fight the urge to romanticize it. You had moved forward in your mind to imagine a future with this woman - the future that you imagined is not reality, because this woman has shown herself to be someone different that you thought she was… It takes a while for your brain to catch up with your heart… but, with the information that you have now, you must think with your brain and let those feelings go… Edited June 26 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 2 hours ago, Bern216 said: I just feel like an idiot for wanting this girl back. Your heart needs time to catch up to your head. Until now, you had a very different impression of who she is and what this relationship was. It feels like a sudden change for you, so you are naturally going to need time to process the abrupt about-face. Be patient with yourself, and again, take it slower next time. You threw caution to the wind in some significant ways here, so this can serve as a reminder why you shouldn't do so. Look after yourself more, and your well-being will thank you for it later. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 (edited) On 6/24/2024 at 5:04 PM, Bern216 said: We’ve never used a condom and I didn’t every time when I slept around which I admit was irresponsible. It’s been a year since I last got one Ah, this info is actually helpful, OP. It turns out your core problem is that you're a complete moron. I'd suggest you focus on addressing that issue - fixing it will help you not only in the romantic arena but in a multitude of areas of your life. GL! Edited June 27 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 28 Author Share Posted June 28 3 days NC and it was a struggle but something tonight happened that I really didn’t need. So right before our breakup she decided to hide all our posts on her Facebook. While at the gym I noticed that she unhid them bc they were back on my page. We aren’t friends on there but since I’m tagged they showed up on my feed. Like why now? Just seems like she possibly is trying to get a reaction out of me which she isn’t. Or maybe it means nothing. Just feels like a step back in my healing process. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 Block her on your social media. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Block her on your social media. Great idea but he won't. They almost never do. Invariably, while trying to disconnect they desperately cling to the last threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 28 Author Share Posted June 28 No you guys are right because I noticed that she took off all the pics that had me in it yet left me tagged. She's not dumb she knew I would see that and this is just such setback. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 (edited) 2 hours ago, Bern216 said: she knew I would see that and this is just such setback. She can only hurt you and set you back if you let her. Her actions are just that - her actions. It’s the meaning that you assign to those actions and your emotional response that is problematic here. In much the same way that you have assigned so much importance to a relationship with a woman that you have only known for four months. People and life will bat you around if you let them. You have quite simply got to develop more resilience than this… Edited June 28 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
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