BaileyB Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 On 6/24/2024 at 6:04 PM, Bern216 said: We’ve never used a condom and I didn’t every time when I slept around which I admit was irresponsible. It’s been a year since I last got one The fact that you’ve previously had a STD didn’t prompt you to wear a condom? Apparently, you don’t learn from past mistakes… Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 28 Author Share Posted June 28 BaileyB I never have had an STD well until now. I would’ve been more responsible if it was something I dealt with in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 Just think - maybe you could have had a child and be forced to stay in touch with this problematic, game-playing woman for the next 18 years. No doubt she's mom of the year materials though and would never, ever cause weird, fuxxed up problems for your kid that you'd have to spend your time and money trying to compensate for. Reproduction is a contact sport, and not by any means just the first/fun part. Next time you take the condom off suggest you make real real sure it's with the right woman. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 2 hours ago, Bern216 said: BaileyB I never have had an STD well until now. I would’ve been more responsible if it was something I dealt with in the past. Sincere but off-topic question: why wait until you catch something to be more responsible? What was your thinking in not using any kind of protection? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 28 Author Share Posted June 28 You’re absolutely right and this has taught me a lesson to not be so reckless when it comes to sex. I just hate how she has pinned this all on me when she was the one that actually had an STD last year Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 7 minutes ago, Bern216 said: You’re absolutely right and this has taught me a lesson to not be so reckless when it comes to sex. I just hate how she has pinned this all on me when she was the one that actually had an STD last year Wait.. so she got an STD from you, and had another one last year? I can't keep up with all the STDs in this story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 28 Author Share Posted June 28 Yes lol she did get one last year. And I’m still waiting on my results so I’m not completely convinced she got it from me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 28 Author Share Posted June 28 I do apologize for all the posts but I really am struggling with this. I get it’s only a 4 month relationship but I’ve been in three and six year relationships and they weren’t this hard. I think what I’m having trouble with is that the ending was so abrupt and impulsive. Like how can you break up with me then cuddle with me that same night? It just all seems unresolved. It’s almost as if she forced our relationship to end like none of this feels natural. I so badly want to reach out but know one id only be enabling her acting that way and two would be a huge setback in my healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 (edited) 17 hours ago, Bern216 said: 3 days NC and it was a struggle but something tonight happened that I really didn’t need. So right before our breakup she decided to hide all our posts on her Facebook. While at the gym I noticed that she unhid them bc they were back on my page. We aren’t friends on there but since I’m tagged they showed up on my feed. Like why now? Just seems like she possibly is trying to get a reaction out of me which she isn’t. Or maybe it means nothing. Just feels like a step back in my healing process. Untag yourself from the posts and then block her on Facebook. You need to regain some control over your situation, and this would help with that. Edited June 28 by Acacia98 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 (edited) This may have to do with fluctuating dopamine levels. Relationships raise dopamine and breakups cause a substantive drop. On/off behavior can cause fluctuations in dopamine that can be hard to deal with for some folks and sometimes causes folks to "chase" bad relationships and dysfunctional partners such as e.g. narcissists. That is probably what's going on with your emotional distress/difficulty leaving. You are going from high to low quickly, and brain wants to chase that high even though you know rationally that this woman is not a good partner. Sexy trainwrecks are bad news. Edited June 28 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 4 hours ago, Bern216 said: Like how can you break up with me then cuddle with me that same night? She was sad and consoled herself in that way. Typical of self-absorbed, insecure people. 4 hours ago, Bern216 said: It just all seems unresolved. How come? It’s completely resolved now. She’s out of your life, and you can finally focus on solving your own serious problems, such as your history of having unprotected sex with many women. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 12 hours ago, Bern216 said: It’s almost as if she forced our relationship to end like none of this feels natural. I think you want to believe this, because it gives you hope she still wants you. But honestly, she hersself told you she is a mess. This break-up was precisely what she wanted, because she knows she doesn''t actually want or can give more. 12 hours ago, Bern216 said: It just all seems unresolved It isn't unresolved, though. I get why it feels that way to you, but her behaviour was very clear: she is not relatiosnhip material and not the woman you thought she was. Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 You could really be struggling because the start of a relationship is often the most intense, everything seems just great, as compared to long term relationships where things sort of level off...and there usually are signs of problems so a breakup isn't all that much of a shock, but this time, you're at the height of the emotional peak, attraction is through the roof, excitement is at an all time high, and without warning the rug gets pulled out from underneath. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 23 hours ago, Bern216 said: BaileyB I never have had an STD well until now. I would’ve been more responsible if it was something I dealt with in the past. Sorry, did you mean test? My apology, I thought you had a previous STD last year. Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 15 hours ago, BaileyB said: Sorry, did you mean test? My apology, I thought you had a previous STD last year. They both had STDs a year or so ago. Now she has one. He may have one he is waiting for test results. So between the two of them, we've got 3 confirmed STDs, 2 were prior, 1 is current and there's a possible 4th. That's my interpretation of the rather convoluted STD issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 30 Author Share Posted June 30 No she had one last year got clean. I must’ve got one months or years prior as Mycoplasma Genetilium can not show symptoms for that long. I did test positive so only 2 to speak of. This is the first time I’ve ever had one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted June 30 Author Share Posted June 30 I continue to beat myself up over this relationship ending. It’s been 6 days NC and a week since we broke up. I actually spoke to a therapist and she told me to run for the hills. She believes she definitely has PTSD and most likely suffers from BPD. Said there was nothing I could do to prevent this as this is the cycle they go through. Told me to block all avenues of contact bc it’s not a matter of if it’s when she will reach out I need to not be available. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 So it’s been 11 days NC and the days are just crawling by. I wish I could stop thinking about her it’s becoming so exhausting. I’ve talked to two therapists now and they say she most likely does suffer from BPD. Told me to run far away as people with untreated BPD can cause a lot of damage to somebody. I just want to let her know I’m there for her if she ever wants to talk and that I hope she’s doing okay. But I know the moment I hit send I’ll instantly regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 6 Share Posted July 6 1 hour ago, Bern216 said: I just want to let her know I’m there for her if she ever wants to talk and that I hope she’s doing okay. But I know the moment I hit send I’ll instantly regret it. Yes, you will. And imagine how terrible you would feel if you found out she's already lined up another dude and there you are trying to be her support system. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 6 Share Posted July 6 (edited) 2 hours ago, Bern216 said: I just want to let her know I’m there for her if she ever wants to talk and that I hope she’s doing okay. But I know the moment I hit send I’ll instantly regret it. At the next appointment with your therapist, I would spend less time diagnosing the woman you dated for a few weeks and more time discussing how to establish healthier boundaries for yourself in relationships… Edited July 6 by BaileyB 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 Yes my first appointment was really to get a grasp of what happened. He stated that this was gonna happen no matter what you did. Now I want to get to the bottom of why I chose to ignore the obvious red flags and why even after the way she discarded me that I’m still over here wanting her back. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 6 Share Posted July 6 17 minutes ago, Bern216 said: Now I want to get to the bottom of why I chose to ignore the obvious red flags and why even after the way she discarded me that I’m still over here wanting her back. Indeed, this is the learning for you… glad to hear that you are aware of that. Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted July 6 Share Posted July 6 On 6/24/2024 at 12:19 PM, ExpatInItaly said: This woman sounds emotionally abusive, OP. Stay the hell away from her. She is nuts and has a mean streak. She does not seem to be very stable. She has trust issues and she is nosey. She might have done you a HUGE FAVOR. IMO, there is no MAGIC CURE FOR CRAZY......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 Well she broke NC and now I just feel worse. She tested positive again for the STI but she was only on one week treatment and needed to be on two. She showed me the positive test so I sent her another round of money. Then I again told her I’m sorry and she said I’m sure you didn’t know. I said of course not and that I would’ve gone to war for her so of course I didn’t. Then she stated it’s fine. I said it’s not fine bc I love you and I wish things didn’t end like this. She’s like well I’m sure you never got tested after being with 100s of women and that it makes her feel dirty. I stated I tested in November 2023 and it’s not 100s of women but I get it. I said I was always honest with you about my past which im not proud of. Then stating but I can’t change it. Then saying she’s far from being dirty. I just feel so dumb. 12 days of NC down the drain and now I feel worse. Like you slept with me so many times before but now I make you feel dirty? I feel like such a scum bag now bc of her. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 6 Share Posted July 6 6 hours ago, Bern216 said: why even after the way she discarded me Kindly Bern, you're being dramatic: She broke up with you because she's got too many demons to be able to sustain a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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