I tried being a woman but straight men seem to hate me?

[tdbq]

It's been 16 years I've made the conscious decision to be a woman because I'm attracted to men and not women and I felt like men wouldn't like me as a man. And I felt I would be seen as weird I really can't and don't say my actual sexuality because my reaction was always you're so crazy. All while being told I am a man. At the same time. Like straight men call me a man anyway. I would be in the dating scene sorta and always get attacked by straight men because they perceived me to be a man even though I was trying to be feminine. Anytime I've ever tried to be at all feminine people get upset and uncomfortable and naturally I'm not feminine. I've been told since young that I don't look like a woman blah blah blah shouldn't be allowed to be feminine and straight men have always been very vocal about how I'm not a woman. My personal life from 14-30 now my dating life has never existed.

 Like dating isn't a thing. I'm too low to date at best and most of the time not an option because I'm a man. My fear has always been that I'll just get treated worst by gay men which is why I delayed it so long because I always wanted to redeem that part of my life a bit before I tried transitioning. Sometimes I think could I just get enough sex in my life before I transition and become celibate but I feel I pretty much am celibate and there will never be a difference. Also I kind of wanted children. Which is why I tried to hold on but I feel like is there really a real chance I'll have kids with a man? I feel socially I'd be less of an outcast if I was a guy I'd be able to have more success because people wouldn't be uncomfortable with me being a woman and I don't like being a woman anyway I always viewed myself as a man. Maybe I could become successful and have children with myself. (With artificial insemination as a single successful man).  Plus all the biological risks of being a woman like breasts cancer. If I get top surgery and take testosterone I have less of a chance of breast cancer to begin with.

 

 

Feminine women seem cool relaxing etc... comfortable happy when a man allows and supports her to be that way. But I know no man would ever allow me to be that way. And I don't think I'm even meant for that. I'm performatively female I get periods I can get pregnant I can put on make up but I'm still internally a man. And straight men just really hate me for it. I've rarely if ever gone on a date. I've gone on a date twice maybe if you count going to the movies. And the whole time I was trying to be as sexual as possible. Because he already told me how much of a man he thought I was anyway. I've as of lately given up on dating would literally post about how I just wanted to have sex. And even then I could maybe get one or two guys a year who would take me up on the offer if I pushed hard for it. All the while getting attacked in my inbox by lots of straight men.

 

Plus I'm 5'1 so it's like idk if I could ever be taken seriously in that regard it's always been like I've always been treated like the weaker man anyway I'm not too concerned about that tbh. I think I'm ready to just be like everyone else. And not be treated like an alien anyway.i work somewhere I feel I could never transition until I'm done with the job that should be within a year. In regular society outside of my sex life which I know would probably be dead. I feel like would be so much easier. Because I'm already treated like a man and people would be more comfortable with me being a man. Economically and socially. I could be treated less like something wrong in itself. I've grown my hair out some I like my natural hair in its semi short look. If testosterone could make my face more masculine I'd feel complete in appearance. What would be some starters for my transition? Things I could do before hormones while I'm still working this job for a year?

Edited June 20 by tdbq

[tdbq]

For me I thought it would easier to be a straight woman. Than a gay man which is why I've tried but it's like for me I have the opposite experience to what a lot of transgender people say they experience generally people say I should be a man not a woman (which I was born female). But I still get from LGBT men I'm a woman. And could never fit their interest in a man I'll never be man enough for them. I fear. So I feel I'm just not enough for anyone gay or straight that I feel maybe I should give up the idea that dating is for someone like me altogether

[semble]

Maybe just get a dog?

 

[tdbq]

2 minutes ago, semble said:

Maybe just get a dog?

 

I have a dog. I've had a dog for 6 years almost

[smackie9]

You are grabbing at straws here as to why people treat you the way they do. Maybe seek out a therapist, talk to a friend or family member, to have an outsides opinion, because it may not be how you look, height, etc, but the vibe you give off. Sad anxious people are difficult to be around, making life difficult to navigate, dating or otherwise. 

[tdbq]

Just now, smackie9 said:

You are grabbing at straws here as to why people treat you the way they do. Maybe seek out a therapist, talk to a friend or family member, to have an outsides opinion, because it may not be how you look, height, etc, but the vibe you give off. Sad anxious people are difficult to be around, making life difficult to navigate, dating or otherwise. 

No generally I am talking about online dating sites.

[tdbq]

1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

You are grabbing at straws here as to why people treat you the way they do. Maybe seek out a therapist, talk to a friend or family member, to have an outsides opinion, because it may not be how you look, height, etc, but the vibe you give off. Sad anxious people are difficult to be around, making life difficult to navigate, dating or otherwise. 

With dating sites men constantly call me a man or just don't talk to me even if I talk to them or whatever. They're just really mean to me. Irl I've never been asked out on a date sometimes people assumed I was a prostitute even but most of the time I was left alone mainly. Also body shamed because I'm perceived as skinny and told I don't have womanly curves. I have huge boobs and curves but it's kind of hidden. But yeah on a good day I'm fake on a bad day I'm just a guy who's smaller basically to men it seems. Especially if I wear my natural hair. And my family calls me a man too so that doesn't really help anything. Because they like to say that stuff too and even want to spread lies about me and whatnot that's due to jealousy mostly though. Anyway I feel like I don't want to fight to be a woman when I never felt like I was a woman anyway but I just kind of know gay men will never like me like the like other gay men which is why I tried to be a straight woman. I don't have the parts to satisfy a gay man. But I'm consistently ridiculed by straight men to the point now I feel there's no point.

[tdbq]

9 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You are grabbing at straws here as to why people treat you the way they do. Maybe seek out a therapist, talk to a friend or family member, to have an outsides opinion, because it may not be how you look, height, etc, but the vibe you give off. Sad anxious people are difficult to be around, making life difficult to navigate, dating or otherwise. 

I've gone to therapist who have understood I'm transgender and basically say the end goal would be to transition to live as a man I just feel ill.forever be alone. I'll never have kids. But I've never been in a relationship I'm 30 very small chance of ever having kids with a man. They rarely have sex with me let alone anything long term and consistent. So I feel dating as a woman isn't getting anywhere I'm probably getting as much action as if i had transitioned to live as a man anyway tbh.

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, tdbq said:

It's been 16 years I've made the conscious decision to be a woman because I'm attracted to men and not women and I felt like men wouldn't like me as a man.

 

2 hours ago, tdbq said:

people say I should be a man not a woman (which I was born female).

Why would you make a conscious decision to be a woman when you're already a woman?  If you like and want straight men, dress feminine, grow your hair long, wear makeup and heels. If you have big boobs and curves wear clothes to accentuate them.  How do you hide big boobs and why do you want to if you want to attract men.

[tdbq]

33 minutes ago, stillafool said:

 

Why would you make a conscious decision to be a woman when you're already a woman?  If you like and want straight men, dress feminine, grow your hair long, wear makeup and heels. If you have big boobs and curves wear clothes to accentuate them.  How do you hide big boobs and why do you want to if you want to attract men.

You don't know what being transgender is? I never felt like I was a woman I always felt like a man I've always identified with men. Despite that I tried to stay a woman and would be reminded that I'm not a woman by others.

 

I already said I can do feminine things like make up and literally be told I'm a man for it be called a drag queen etc... so pretending to be feminine has done nothing for me in attracting men pretending to be a woman has always caused my danger vulnerability and people trying to say I'm really a man. I feel that I am a man. So all this time I've been acting against how I naturally feel. And some smaller women can look smaller chested in clothing because they have a small body. I'm not fat I'm 110-130 lbs with higher boobs. Anyway I've said I try to be feminine and treated like I'm not supposed to be feminine that's what I just explained. I've been called a he more times than I can count. And I'm black my hair grows very slowly and is naturally thin. With hair extensions again I'm treated like I'm being something I'm not supposed to be I'm honestly treated like a feminine man I'm not treated like a woman. The only thing woman about me is my biological body reproductively etc... is female and I am only 5'1 and 110 lbs. So I'm just vulnerable.

 

Like at my job my manager called me a sir. Or like my roommate a male tried to beat me and I was told by the detective I deserved it. I don't get protection like women do I'm easy to be beat up being smaller and I'm generally called a man for no reason. Added to my dating life. I'm treated like I'm just a male being feminine. So why am I putting myself through all of this for womanhood when I don't even identify with womanhood and being feminine does nothing but cause harm. I'm a man to society but because transgender is taboo for some reason I'm not supposed to do it even though everyone sees me as a guy anyway

[basil67]

I'm also a bit confused by your story. The way you write, it sounds like you're a gay man who's dressing as a woman so that you can get a straight man.   Is this correct?

FWIW, I live in a community where being trans is well accepted and you'd be treated with respect.  However, even here, straight men still want straight women.  People who are trans find matches with others who are trans, queer, non binary etc.   If you're wanting a regular dude, it's highly unlikely to work

[tdbq]

49 minutes ago, stillafool said:

 

Why would you make a conscious decision to be a woman when you're already a woman?  If you like and want straight men, dress feminine, grow your hair long, wear makeup and heels. If you have big boobs and curves wear clothes to accentuate them.  How do you hide big boobs and why do you want to if you want to attract men.

Being attracted to men doesn't make me a woman it's never been enough if anything just fuels the idea that I'm an effeminate man trying to be a woman. So i feel it's a non factor now since I don't feel straight men are really ever into me even if I live as a woman.

[tdbq]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

I'm also a bit confused by your story. The way you write, it sounds like you're a gay man who's dressing as a woman so that you can get a straight man.   Is this correct?

FWIW, I live in a community where being trans is well accepted and you'd be treated with respect.  However, even here, straight men still want straight women.  People who are trans find matches with others who are trans, queer, non binary etc.   If you're wanting a regular dude, it's highly unlikely to work

No this is actually why at 14 I chose to continue to live as a woman because I'm only attracted to men unlike ftm trans men who are mostly attracted to women. But all I've ever gotten treated like was a man who's attracted to men who's trying to be feminine.

 

Btw biological men don't have period nor can get pregnant

[basil67]

@tdbq you wrote that you get periods and can get pregnant, but are internally a man.   Please understand that based on things like this, others will find your post and gender confusing

[tdbq]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'm also a bit confused by your story. The way you write, it sounds like you're a gay man who's dressing as a woman so that you can get a straight man.   Is this correct?

FWIW, I live in a community where being trans is well accepted and you'd be treated with respect.  However, even here, straight men still want straight women.  People who are trans find matches with others who are trans, queer, non binary etc.   If you're wanting a regular dude, it's highly unlikely to work

How many gay men are attracted to gay trans men? That is my problem you seem to not even think about the possibility of me being a gay trans man? Which is what I already said I was I identify as a man and am attracted to men. To be transgender I'd have to be born female which I am

[basil67]

1 minute ago, tdbq said:

But all I've ever gotten treated like was a man who's attracted to men who's trying to be feminine.

In your whole thread, there's nothing about you feeling like you were born in the wrong body.  Rather, your thread is just about you wanting straight men and you dress as a woman so that you can try and attract them.   So yeah, I can see why others view you as per the quote

[tdbq]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

@tdbq you wrote that you get periods and can get pregnant, but are internally a man.   Please understand that based on things like this, others will find your post and gender confusing

Yes it is confusing to some because transgender is associated with gay or lesbian which is why at 14 I didn't want to transition because there is no understanding nor place for someone like me in the dating world or as far as my sexuality. So I chose to stay female. But for 16 years I've had no dating life with straight men attacking me non-stop for literally being a man. So to me whatever it is isn't working I might as well give up pretending to stay a woman when I never could consistently date as a woman even though I try to present feminine. There's more than appearance I guess or maybe it's my structure whatever it's not working

[Gaeta]

You're hard to follow. It's like you want to change to get better chances at dating the type of men you desire. I know a few transgenders and they don't hesitate on changing gender. It's so deep in them they don't second guess themselves. They change for their own sanity then they deal with dating. 

Are you followed by a therapist? 

[tdbq]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

In your whole thread, there's nothing about you feeling like you were born in the wrong body.  Rather, your thread is just about you wanting straight men and you dress as a woman so that you can try and attract them.   So yeah, I can see why others view you as per the quote

No I've said I see myself as a man which I do. I am naturally masculine but I want men and as a biological female the only men I should be able to attract are straight men and I do try to act feminine and get told I'm basically a guy trying to do all that. As much as people see a guy when they see me it's not going to make me grow male genitalia which can satisfy gay men though which has always been my dilemma 

[basil67]

1 minute ago, tdbq said:

Yes it is confusing to some because transgender is associated with gay or lesbian which is why at 14 I didn't want to transition because there is no understanding nor place for someone like me in the dating world or as far as my sexuality. So I chose to stay female. But for 16 years I've had no dating life with straight men attacking me non-stop for literally being a man. So to me whatever it is isn't working I might as well give up pretending to stay a woman when I never could consistently date as a woman even though I try to present feminine. There's more than appearance I guess or maybe it's my structure whatever it's not working

Transgender is not confusing.  Your POST is confusing.   

Can we go back to the beginning?  Starting with the gender you were born.  We can't help if we aren't clear on the story

[tdbq]

Just now, basil67 said:

Transgender is not confusing.  Your POST is confusing.   

Can we go back to the beginning?  Starting with the gender you were born.  We can't help if we aren't clear on the story

I stated I was born female physically female but identify as male and am honestly treated like a man regardless. I'm saying pretending to be a woman isn't working anyway just more complications anger from people and vulnerability to a lot of negative things it seems it's just easier to live as a man since my dating life isn't benefited anyway and that was the main reason I chose to stay a woman.

[basil67]

Thank you for clarifying.  Why do you think people treat you like a man when you present as a woman (the gender you were born as)

[tdbq]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You're hard to follow. It's like you want to change to get better chances at dating the type of men you desire. I know a few transgenders and they don't hesitate on changing gender. It's so deep in them they don't second guess themselves. They change for their own sanity then they deal with dating. 

Are you followed by a therapist? 

No I know with gay men the chance of me attracting a gay man as a trans man is none pretty much. So I know if I transitioned I would have no dating life anyway but living as a woman now I'm getting nowhere anyway I've barely really been on one date maybe? And that just because of the pandemic and men running out of options I've never been asked out like that for real so I feel like I did all this repressing for no reason I'm 30 never been in a relationship in every other way my life would be benefited if I were a guy anyway so I should just accept being alone. And being a man basically.

 

I've gone to therapists when I describe how I've always been a boy to myself they usually confirm I am transgender one didn't because he was attracted to me and knew I liked men. And tried to focus on that even the way I personally like men is as a man but I've tried to confirm my sexuality to be like a straight woman's.

[tdbq]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Thank you for clarifying.  Why do you think people treat you like a man when you present as a woman (the gender you were born as)

I have no clue I've been told since I was a teen I look like a guy and people would try and claim I was bigger than what I was. Like at work my managers tried to claim I'm 5'4 even though I walk around im 5ft I have to outscretch my back to be 5'1 barely. Im actually the smallest woman at work and the second shortest. Weird thing is a brief part of my Internet life I tried to dress as a boy and black men would say I was a girl. But other races would say I was a boy. Black men do treat me like I am a woman but they're never around because it's like the 1 percent black people here.

[tdbq]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Thank you for clarifying.  Why do you think people treat you like a man when you present as a woman (the gender you were born as)

I don't approach men IRL I only do that online on a dating site where we've already matched to.minimize criticism. And still they will say I'm a man and that there are transwomen that look prettier than me and whatever else. Etc... and it's been like I get few guys who even will talk to me i might get a chance if i am open its just for sex kind of thing.