Goodguy05 Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 Met this nice African woman on hinge and seem to get along really well. We haven't been on a date but have talked of It and she's open to it but here's the catch... She told me she's only been in the country 4 months which is okay and she's not working and looking for a job and has two teenage kids which are still in Africa. She lives probably 30 km away doesn't drive but all the above started making me have some doubts. Seems like hard work what are your thoughts? I'm not sure if there is even a point to going out for a coffee. Am I overthinking it or or are they valid concerns? I sent her a link to help her with a job for a online teaching gig I do but even then she can't afford a headset and asked if I happened to have a spare one as she doesn't have one lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 2 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: She told me she's only been in the country 4 months which is okay and she's not working and looking for a job and has two teenage kids which are still in Africa. She lives probably 30 km away doesn't drive but all the above started making me have some doubts. 100000% NO !!! You do NOT get involved with someone under her circumstances! I could use all the space here to explain to you why it's a BAD idea! You certainly do not need me to spell it out right?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 21 Author Share Posted June 21 Maybe a little lol? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 What is her status in your country? Does she have a work permit? Why did she leave her kids behind? I have seen plenty of men leaving their children behind to immigrate to a new country and then the wife and children follow but I have never come across a woman leaving her under aged children behind. She has been in your country 3 months with no job and no car and she's on a dating site?? Don't you think she should be doing something better with her time like finding a job? I am 99% certain she is looking for a local man that will sponcer her. You have no way of knowing if she has a husband in her country and she probably has. My cousin met a woman on a dating site that had been in our country for like 1 month. She completely put a spell on him and he married her after 3 months. Then his life turned into a living hell for 5 years until she kicked him out. Marrying her did not give her a work permit, he ended up financially supporting her, then she had her parents, cousins, children moved in with him and he financially supported ALL OF THEM for 5 years! Why? he was in loooovve. At the moment she got her permanent residency she dumped him! and went to a lawyer and cleaned him! He lost his home & his job. I have dated plenty! I mean plenty! of immigrants. You do not date someone that has just arrived in your country and is not a permanent resident. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 47 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: she can't afford a headset and asked if I happened to have a spare one as she doesn't have one lol. You think it's cute now but she will never be able to afford anything for a long time. And when she will be able to afford something she won't pay for it because in African culture the man pays for everything. She is not going to be Americanized over night. She will carry her culture with her for many years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 21 Author Share Posted June 21 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Gaeta said: What is her status in your country? Does she have a work permit? Why did she leave her kids behind? I have seen plenty of men leaving their children behind to immigrate to a new country and then the wife and children follow but I have never come across a woman leaving her under aged children behind. She has been in your country 3 months with no job and no car and she's on a dating site?? Don't you think she should be doing something better with her time like finding a job? I am 99% certain she is looking for a local man that will sponcer her. You have no way of knowing if she has a husband in her country and she probably has. My cousin met a woman on a dating site that had been in our country for like 1 month. She completely put a spell on him and he married her after 3 months. Then his life turned into a living hell for 5 years until she kicked him out. Marrying her did not give her a work permit, he ended up financially supporting her, then she had her parents, cousins, children moved in with him and he financially supported ALL OF THEM for 5 years! Why? he was in loooovve. At the moment she got her permanent residency she dumped him! and went to a lawyer and cleaned him! He lost his home & his job. I have dated plenty! I mean plenty! of immigrants. You do not date someone that has just arrived in your country and is not a permanent resident. I don't know what her visa status is. She told me that her brother lives where she is at the moment so Im guessing maybe her brother helped her get here. She said she's here long term but I didn't ask about her visa status just that she is looking for a stable relationship and looking for work. Actually she told me shes divorced and been single 3 years and doesn't like being single lol. Edited June 21 by Goodguy05 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 21 Author Share Posted June 21 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You think it's cute now but she will never be able to afford anything for a long time. And when she will be able to afford something she won't pay for it because in African culture the man pays for everything. She is not going to be Americanized over night. She will carry her culture with her for many years. I'm not in the states btw I'm in in Australia. No I didn't think it was cute lol. That raised a red flag when she asked. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 1 minute ago, Goodguy05 said: I don't know what her visa status is. She told me that her brother lives where she is at the moment so Im guessing maybe her brother helped her get here. She said she's here long term but I didn't ask about her visa status just that she is looking for a stable relationship and looking for work. Of course she is looking for a stable relationship, that's her way in. Ask yourself why would anyone look for a relationship when barely out of their suitcases in a new country, no work, no car to go around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 2 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: 'm not in the states btw I'm in in Australia She won't be Australianized over night 😉 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 21 Author Share Posted June 21 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Of course she is looking for a stable relationship, that's her way in. Ask yourself why would anyone look for a relationship when barely out of their suitcases in a new country, no work, no car to go around. I don't know what her agenda is but it's her circumstances that are putting me off. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 56 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: even then she can't afford a headset and asked if I happened to have a spare one as she doesn't have one That is a test. See, anyone else would have been embarassed to say they can't afford a headset but not her, instead she tests you to see if you're someone she can take advantage of. If you say yes you will provide her with a headset then you're done my friend! She will squeeze everything she can squeeze out of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 21 Author Share Posted June 21 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: That is a test. See, anyone else would have been embarassed to say they can't afford a headset but not her, instead she tests you to see if you're someone she can take advantage of. If you say yes you will provide her with a headset then you're done my friend! She will squeeze everything she can squeeze out of you. I think because I've been single so long 8 yrs lol when someone finally shows some interest ye anyway lol...another one down the gurgler lol. My sister just texted me as well said no good red flags Edited June 21 by Goodguy05 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 7 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: I don't know what her agenda is but it's her circumstances that are putting me off. OF course! you'll be paying for everything and you'll be driving everywhere. When she starts working her money will go to her children in Africa. Can you afford that? You will pore your money ino her without knowing if she is married back in her country. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 21 Author Share Posted June 21 8 minutes ago, Gaeta said: That is a test. See, anyone else would have been embarassed to say they can't afford a headset but not her, instead she tests you to see if you're someone she can take advantage of. If you say yes you will provide her with a headset then you're done my friend! She will squeeze everything she can squeeze out of you. I'm not thinking it was a test. I think she's just keen to get some income. She didn't ask about the job. I volunteered the link. That is going to be weird. If she starts working on the platform haha cuz I'm active on the Forum teachers Forum. Ahg, not bothered. Good luck to her I guess I also do get a 50 buck kickback out of it anyway for refferal lol Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 6 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: I think because I've been single so long 8 yrs lol when someone finally shows some interest ye anyway lol...another one down the gurgler lol. You're single but not stupid. You know the risks are high and that's why you wanted to run it by us. There are new immigrants that are less risky to date. They're already sponcered by their company, they have a work permit before entering, they have funds to survive. This is not the case here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 21 Share Posted June 21 I don't hold the truth, maybe someone else will punch in with a different opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 21 Author Share Posted June 21 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: OF course! you'll be paying for everything and you'll be driving everywhere. When she starts working her money will go to her children in Africa. Can you afford that? You will pore your money ino her without knowing if she is married back in her country. No I'm not like that I have boundaries I wouldn't do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 21 Author Share Posted June 21 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You're single but not stupid. You know the risks are high and that's why you wanted to run it by us. There are new immigrants that are less risky to date. They're already sponcered by their company, they have a work permit before entering, they have funds to survive. This is not the case here. Good and valid points. No I'm not stupid lol I've never let someone take advantage of me in those ways. It's just a shame because it's been so long and someone showing interest that lives not too far away is far and few between. I get a lot of interest but people are interstate or live a few hrs away so when someone turns up that's kinda close by I think to myself finally lol..it does feel like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 21 Author Share Posted June 21 16 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I don't hold the truth, maybe someone else will punch in with a different opinion. No I really appreciate your input and concern thankyou Gaeta 🙏☺️ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted June 22 Share Posted June 22 Don't do it. She doesn't have the money for a headset that costs, what, $40? Is she on a free dating site or did she manage to find the money for that? And maybe or maybe not has a husband back in Africa? Left her kids? There are enough red flags here for a parade. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 22 Share Posted June 22 If someone not having a job is a deal breaker for you, then you don't pursue them. You don't try to change them or send them job postings. You just walk away. She obviously isn't a match for you. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 22 Share Posted June 22 (edited) 16 hours ago, Gaeta said: I don't hold the truth, maybe someone else will punch in with a different opinion. Actually I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone in their right mind suggesting he move forward with this woman, Gaeta, UNLESS he wants someone he has to take care of financially nearly 100% as you point out. And her kids to boot. She may be in Australia in part with the intention to roll the dice on green-carding (or whatever the Australian equivalent is) in hopes of finding a local man to take her and her kids in, which is I think exactly what you put your finger on. 16 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: I think because I've been single so long 8 yrs Not sure of your circumstances, but I'd suggest reading the chapters on female attraction in "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" and seeing if you can operationalize some of the points in there and/or use that knowledge to leverage or enhance the positives/attracting qualities you do you already have. If there are available women in the vicinity some % will tend to gravitate towards an attractive man and that might generate some opportunities for you. Edited June 22 by mark clemson 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 23 Author Share Posted June 23 (edited) 15 hours ago, mark clemson said: Actually I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone in their right mind suggesting he move forward with this woman, Gaeta, UNLESS he wants someone he has to take care of financially nearly 100% as you point out. And her kids to boot. She may be in Australia in part with the intention to roll the dice on green-carding (or whatever the Australian equivalent is) in hopes of finding a local man to take her and her kids in, which is I think exactly what you put your finger on. Not sure of your circumstances, but I'd suggest reading the chapters on female attraction in "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" and seeing if you can operationalize some of the points in there and/or use that knowledge to leverage or enhance the positives/attracting qualities you do you already have. If there are available women in the vicinity some % will tend to gravitate towards an attractive man and that might generate some opportunities for you. Oddly, today I have matched with a beautiful African lady who's a lecturer permanent resident in Australia lol total opposite. Better.....Wish me luck. Someone heard me prayers haha Edited June 23 by Goodguy05 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 4 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: Oddly, today I have matched with a beautiful African lady who's a lecturer permanent resident in Australia lol total opposite. Better.....Wish me luck. Someone heard me prayers haha There ya go!! 😊 l hope it's a great date! Don't forget to tell us! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 23 Author Share Posted June 23 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: There ya go!! 😊 l hope it's a great date! Don't forget to tell us! She dematched me lol no idea why only had a very brief conversation maybe it was the distance we are about and hr drive from each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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