stillafool Posted June 25, 2024 Share Posted June 25, 2024 3 minutes ago, Jane Grey said: No I've no intention on going back, whatsoever! Too much has been done - but I simply still need to see him right now. I still love him! Then why don't you contact him, ask to see him and get it over with and then block him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 25, 2024 Author Share Posted June 25, 2024 Just now, stillafool said: I've never heard of a woman who is in love with a man, calls off the affair because he won't leave his wife, yet does not care if he is having sex with his wife, after he's told her his wife won't touch him. Well I believe they don't have sex. So that's why it's a non-issue for me. Even though others disagree, which is their proogative and I see why...there are probably more reasons that I called off the affair other than he won't leave his wife...i mean he can be manipulative and that's a worry long term.. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 25, 2024 Share Posted June 25, 2024 Just now, Jane Grey said: i mean he can be manipulative and that's a worry long term.. After 8 years are you just realizing this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 25, 2024 Author Share Posted June 25, 2024 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: So are you saying you are not blocking him so he can contact you to get together? Noooo!!! I am simply saying I need to see his face right now..you can ask whatever way you please, the answer is the same. I'm not getting back with him, but I want to see him for now..it really doesn't matter if you don't understand. It probably doesn't make sense.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 25, 2024 Author Share Posted June 25, 2024 1 minute ago, stillafool said: After 8 years are you just realizing this? No - but but it's getting worse Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 25, 2024 Author Share Posted June 25, 2024 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: Then why don't you contact him, ask to see him and get it over with and then block him? Because its fine where we are at. I see him but don't have to see him in person. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 25, 2024 Share Posted June 25, 2024 1 minute ago, Jane Grey said: I see him but don't have to see him in person. I'm sorry I don't understand, what does this mean? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 25, 2024 Author Share Posted June 25, 2024 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: I'm sorry I don't understand, what does this mean? I just see him on social media, not face to face. I don't want to meet with him face to face. It's done! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 26, 2024 Share Posted June 26, 2024 2 hours ago, Jane Grey said: I'm holding myself back! I want to see him still..I'm being honest even if it sounds crazy, pathetic, sad...I still love him This is not love. You can’t love a person and think that he is a jerk and a clown at the same time. This is an infatuation that will eventually pass if you break off all contact with him. There can be no love where there’s no mutual respect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 26, 2024 Share Posted June 26, 2024 @Jane Grey Why do you love him? What are the ways in which he makes you feel valuable to him? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 26, 2024 Share Posted June 26, 2024 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gebidozo said: This is an infatuation that will eventually pass if you break off all contact with him. I don’t even know that it’s infatuation after eight years. I think he/the idea of a relationship with this man is more of a habit or a comfortable pattern of thought. I would ask the same question that basil asked - how exactly does he show you love and respect? What does he do to make you feel loved, safe, valued? I think you need to challenge the notion that you love this man - and you do that by challenging the thought that this is “love.” As I said before, a man who loves a woman does not treat her with such callous disrespect. Edited June 26, 2024 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 26, 2024 Author Share Posted June 26, 2024 5 hours ago, happyhorizons said: I bet great things are ahead for you JG so put this dude in your rear view mirror and move forward I have, I'm moving on but more slowly than is perfect 👌 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 26, 2024 Author Share Posted June 26, 2024 4 hours ago, Gebidozo said: This is not love. You can’t love a person and think that he is a jerk and a clown at the same time. This is an infatuation that will eventually pass if you break off all contact with him. There can be no love where there’s no mutual . Maybe I am infatuated! I will consider this! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 26, 2024 Author Share Posted June 26, 2024 3 hours ago, BaileyB said: I don’t even know that it’s infatuation after eight years. I think he/the idea of a relationship with this man is more of a habit or a comfortable pattern of thought. I would ask the same question that basil asked - how exactly does he show you love and respect? What does he do to make you feel loved, safe, valued? I think you need to challenge the notion that you love this man - and you do that by challenging the thought that this is “love.” As I said before, a man who loves a woman does not treat her with such callous disrespect. There is a lot to unpack here and unpack I intend to do. You make really good points. He has done very little to make me feel secure. It is all about him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 26, 2024 Author Share Posted June 26, 2024 4 hours ago, basil67 said: @Jane Grey Why do you love him? What are the ways in which he makes you feel valuable to him? I'm not seeing him make me feel valued at all if I'm being honest. Indo love him but he obviously doesn't love me. He had qualities but few are related to how good he makes me feel - Great questions! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26, 2024 Share Posted June 26, 2024 Your standard for "love" is very low. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 26, 2024 Author Share Posted June 26, 2024 (edited) 42 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Your standard for "love" is very low. I am seeing that now! I am seeing that he had me thinking that he is some kind of catch! When in fact I possibly lowered my standards for him...thinking about it! Edited June 26, 2024 by Jane Grey Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 26, 2024 Author Share Posted June 26, 2024 Guys! You are opening my eyes to this man and this relationship. I look at photos of him and am now beginning to think what did/do I see in him. He gave back very little and I gave it everything. It is done! I will not 1 minute ago, S2B said: Are you seeing a professional therapist? I highly suggest seeing someone who can help you with your codependency and low self esteem. someone that can help you understand that the right man for you - will put you as his top priority! I am! And there is past trauma that we are working on. Also - we are working on putting him out of my life for good by blocking him...I want to put this behind me.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 26, 2024 Author Share Posted June 26, 2024 1 minute ago, S2B said: He’s not a catch at all! He’s a lying, cheating, self centered greedy man who takes more than he gives. A man who’s only capable of thinking about himself! that is NOT a man you should be interested in! I fully agree! I am a smart, and attractive woman and he was very lucky to have me...I am seeing that now. I would be lying if I said I wasn't interested in him still but definitely less interested Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted June 26, 2024 Share Posted June 26, 2024 On 6/24/2024 at 10:14 AM, ExpatInItaly said: Eh, it was probably his wife that prompted it. My thought too. His latest texting was probably found out and then he had to twist the truth to make it seem like his ex AP was not leaving him alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 26, 2024 Author Share Posted June 26, 2024 N 8 minutes ago, Will am I said: My thought too. His latest texting was probably found out and then he had to twist the truth to make it seem like his ex AP was not leaving him alone. No this was all him..within those texts he said he loved me/us - missed me! And that he is interested in me but cannot be interested because that's our lot! Then came the messages acting like I wa annoying him..I don't know why and I am shocked at the verocity of them. He either wants to make sure I never speak to him again or he us simply a clown, either is possible tbh! Either way I'm not contacting him to find out! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 26, 2024 Author Share Posted June 26, 2024 3 minutes ago, happyhorizons said: You are stronger than you realize. Just take a day at a time WIN each day by not having contact with him and soon you will be fully past this 🤡 clown I feel different today - I see him as he is. Is has always let me down and will continue to let me down if I let him back in. I have so many men to chose from and I stupidly fixated on this one. The one that doesn't want me but also doesn't want to let me go. But I'm gone this time! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 26, 2024 Share Posted June 26, 2024 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Jane Grey said: The one that doesn't want me but also doesn't want to let me go. I wouldn’t romanticize it. His email had everything to do with him, and nothing to do with you. Edited June 26, 2024 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 26, 2024 Author Share Posted June 26, 2024 (edited) 5 minutes ago, BaileyB said: I wouldn’t romanticize it. His email had everything to do with him, and nothing to do with you. I'm not! I see this as controlling behaviour. He does like to be in control at all times now that I think of it..the message was something he needed to do for himself to regain control of the situation the only way he knew how. This has to be the case as it was so random and out of context to where we were. It made no sense to send it but yet he did...I even answered that I was so confused. Confusion was definitely a feature of our relationship for me...I have spent a lot of my time questioning myself, my reality and even my sanity... Edited June 26, 2024 by Jane Grey Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted June 26, 2024 Author Share Posted June 26, 2024 10 minutes ago, happyhorizons said: “Controlling behavior” is exactly what he is about and will continue to be so. So, it’s time to take up some of these other wonderful opportunities you have available (other men). I have let him control me - if he was off with me then my day was off. If he was happy, so was I - if not then I was not. I chased him trying to make him happy. I didn't this time. I left because I was chasing a man that didn't want me. I'm not going to bother with other men right now. I'm not in the right head space and I also don't want to hurt someone else just because I am hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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