happyhorizons Posted Tuesday at 11:01 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 11:01 PM 1 minute ago, Jane Grey said: It is astounding to me too...yet it is so! I'm working on it and on me. And you are right - he has hurt me hugely! I'm sure I will get there with this but definitely not there yet. JG, you truly do deserve better. You WILL get there please give yourself TIME 😊 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted Tuesday at 11:03 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 11:03 PM Just now, happyhorizons said: JG, you truly do deserve better. You WILL get there please give yourself TIME 😊 Just now, happyhorizons said: JG, you truly do deserve better. You WILL get there please give yourself TIME 😊 I'm feeling a lot more positive since coming on here. I'm having my eyes opened wide. Thanks for your kind words! I need something positive said about me... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted Tuesday at 11:18 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 11:18 PM 1 hour ago, Jane Grey said: I'm holding myself back! I want to see him still..I'm being honest even if it sounds crazy, pathetic, sad...I still love him Then why did you break it off with him? Are you playing games? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted Tuesday at 11:23 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 11:23 PM 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: Then why did you break it off with him? Are you playing games? No I've no intention on going back, whatsoever! Too much has been done - but I simply still need to see him right now. I still love him! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted Tuesday at 11:24 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 11:24 PM 5 hours ago, Jane Grey said: Honestly, I really don't care about whether he slept with his wife or not. I've never heard of a woman who is in love with a man, calls off the affair because he won't leave his wife, yet does not care if he is having sex with his wife, after he's told her his wife won't touch him. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted Tuesday at 11:24 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 11:24 PM Just now, Jane Grey said: No I've no intention on going back, whatsoever! Too much has been done - but I simply still need to see him right now. I still love him! So are you saying you are not blocking him so he can contact you to get together? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted Tuesday at 11:27 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 11:27 PM 3 minutes ago, Jane Grey said: No I've no intention on going back, whatsoever! Too much has been done - but I simply still need to see him right now. I still love him! Then why don't you contact him, ask to see him and get it over with and then block him? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted Tuesday at 11:27 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 11:27 PM Just now, stillafool said: I've never heard of a woman who is in love with a man, calls off the affair because he won't leave his wife, yet does not care if he is having sex with his wife, after he's told her his wife won't touch him. Well I believe they don't have sex. So that's why it's a non-issue for me. Even though others disagree, which is their proogative and I see why...there are probably more reasons that I called off the affair other than he won't leave his wife...i mean he can be manipulative and that's a worry long term.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted Tuesday at 11:29 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 11:29 PM Just now, Jane Grey said: i mean he can be manipulative and that's a worry long term.. After 8 years are you just realizing this? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted Tuesday at 11:30 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 11:30 PM 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: So are you saying you are not blocking him so he can contact you to get together? Noooo!!! I am simply saying I need to see his face right now..you can ask whatever way you please, the answer is the same. I'm not getting back with him, but I want to see him for now..it really doesn't matter if you don't understand. It probably doesn't make sense.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted Tuesday at 11:30 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 11:30 PM 1 minute ago, stillafool said: After 8 years are you just realizing this? No - but but it's getting worse Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted Tuesday at 11:31 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 11:31 PM 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: Then why don't you contact him, ask to see him and get it over with and then block him? Because its fine where we are at. I see him but don't have to see him in person. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted Tuesday at 11:33 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 11:33 PM 1 minute ago, Jane Grey said: I see him but don't have to see him in person. I'm sorry I don't understand, what does this mean? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted Tuesday at 11:39 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 11:39 PM 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: I'm sorry I don't understand, what does this mean? I just see him on social media, not face to face. I don't want to meet with him face to face. It's done! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted Wednesday at 12:19 AM Share Posted Wednesday at 12:19 AM 39 minutes ago, Jane Grey said: I just see him on social media, not face to face. I don't want to meet with him face to face. It's done! I bet great things are ahead for you JG so put this dude in your rear view mirror and move forward Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted Wednesday at 12:58 AM Share Posted Wednesday at 12:58 AM 2 hours ago, Jane Grey said: I'm holding myself back! I want to see him still..I'm being honest even if it sounds crazy, pathetic, sad...I still love him This is not love. You can’t love a person and think that he is a jerk and a clown at the same time. This is an infatuation that will eventually pass if you break off all contact with him. There can be no love where there’s no mutual respect. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted Wednesday at 01:03 AM Share Posted Wednesday at 01:03 AM @Jane Grey Why do you love him? What are the ways in which he makes you feel valuable to him? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted Wednesday at 01:57 AM Share Posted Wednesday at 01:57 AM (edited) 1 hour ago, Gebidozo said: This is an infatuation that will eventually pass if you break off all contact with him. I don’t even know that it’s infatuation after eight years. I think he/the idea of a relationship with this man is more of a habit or a comfortable pattern of thought. I would ask the same question that basil asked - how exactly does he show you love and respect? What does he do to make you feel loved, safe, valued? I think you need to challenge the notion that you love this man - and you do that by challenging the thought that this is “love.” As I said before, a man who loves a woman does not treat her with such callous disrespect. Edited Wednesday at 02:02 AM by BaileyB Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted Wednesday at 05:32 AM Author Share Posted Wednesday at 05:32 AM 5 hours ago, happyhorizons said: I bet great things are ahead for you JG so put this dude in your rear view mirror and move forward I have, I'm moving on but more slowly than is perfect 👌 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted Wednesday at 05:33 AM Author Share Posted Wednesday at 05:33 AM 4 hours ago, Gebidozo said: This is not love. You can’t love a person and think that he is a jerk and a clown at the same time. This is an infatuation that will eventually pass if you break off all contact with him. There can be no love where there’s no mutual . Maybe I am infatuated! I will consider this! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted Wednesday at 05:36 AM Author Share Posted Wednesday at 05:36 AM 3 hours ago, BaileyB said: I don’t even know that it’s infatuation after eight years. I think he/the idea of a relationship with this man is more of a habit or a comfortable pattern of thought. I would ask the same question that basil asked - how exactly does he show you love and respect? What does he do to make you feel loved, safe, valued? I think you need to challenge the notion that you love this man - and you do that by challenging the thought that this is “love.” As I said before, a man who loves a woman does not treat her with such callous disrespect. There is a lot to unpack here and unpack I intend to do. You make really good points. He has done very little to make me feel secure. It is all about him! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted Wednesday at 05:45 AM Author Share Posted Wednesday at 05:45 AM 4 hours ago, basil67 said: @Jane Grey Why do you love him? What are the ways in which he makes you feel valuable to him? I'm not seeing him make me feel valued at all if I'm being honest. Indo love him but he obviously doesn't love me. He had qualities but few are related to how good he makes me feel - Great questions! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted Wednesday at 05:59 AM Share Posted Wednesday at 05:59 AM Your standard for "love" is very low. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane Grey Posted Wednesday at 06:36 AM Author Share Posted Wednesday at 06:36 AM (edited) 42 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Your standard for "love" is very low. I am seeing that now! I am seeing that he had me thinking that he is some kind of catch! When in fact I possibly lowered my standards for him...thinking about it! Edited Wednesday at 06:43 AM by Jane Grey Quote Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted Wednesday at 06:54 AM Share Posted Wednesday at 06:54 AM 7 hours ago, Jane Grey said: It is astounding to me too...yet it is so! I'm working on it and on me. And you are right - he has hurt me hugely! I'm sure I will get there with this but definitely not there yet. Are you seeing a professional therapist? I highly suggest seeing someone who can help you with your codependency and low self esteem. someone that can help you understand that the right man for you - will put you as his top priority! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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