Annie_grace Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 My bf works in a finance company and he stays in location A all the time but sometimes he would go to location B to help out if they don't have anyone. So today he went to location B. When he texted me that he is going there to work, I called him to check on him. And as I was ending the call, I said love you bye and he hung up the call. Mind you the call wasn't on speaker or anything, and he always says ILY when ending calls just not today. I then texted him and asked why he didn't ily to which he replied "I am in the office and I don't know anyone here and it's will be unprofessional". I asked him what is unprofessional about a quick love you too. We bf and I have been in a ldr for 7 months, and when he is working at location A he doesn't have any problem saying I love you too. I'm starting to wonder if I'm wrong about my reaction or what? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 (edited) I don't think I've ever said "I love you" on the phone when I've been at work, even when I know everyone there. Nor has my husband ever said it to me when he's been on the phone to me at work. We say it plenty when we are face to face or over the phone in private though Are you concerned that he doesn't actually love you? Edited June 25 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 Why do you call your boyfriend to 'check on him' ? He's a grown man and I am sure he knows the address to his location B. Bf and I do not say ILY on phone calls while at the office. We keep those for when we're in a private setting. If I say ILY to him and he's in a rush and doesn't say it back before he hangs up I have 0 worries. You are really sweating the smalest of the stuff here, usually it's because there are bigger worries you are not facing. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Annie_grace Posted June 25 Author Share Posted June 25 I 30 minutes ago, basil67 said: I don't think I've ever said "I love you" on the phone when I've been at work, even when I know everyone there. Nor has my husband ever said it to me when he's been on the phone to me at work. We say it plenty when we are face to face or over the phone in private though Are you concerned that he doesn't actually love you? I have been in a long distance with him for 7 months, and also I have anxious attachment style whereas he is an avoidance attachment. I feel like this plays a big role in my overthinking and how I see things in our relationship. been in a long distance with him for 7 months, and also I have anxious attachment style whereas he is an avoidance attachment. I feel like this plays a big role in my overthinking and how I see things in our relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Annie_grace Posted June 25 Author Share Posted June 25 (edited) 17 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Why do you call your boyfriend to 'check on him' ? He's a grown man and I am sure he knows the address to his location B. Bf and I do not say ILY on phone calls while at the office. We keep those for when we're in a private setting. If I say ILY to him and he's in a rush and doesn't say it back before he hangs up I have 0 worries. You are really sweating the smalest of the stuff here, usually it's because there are bigger worries you are not facing. I don't check in on him in that way, it's because we are long distance and he does not call me in the morning because he goes to work early and he said she doesn't want to wake me up by calling me at 6 in the morning. So I call him to talk to him when I wake up and by that time he is at work. Edited June 25 by Annie_grace Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 2 minutes ago, Annie_grace said: II have been in a long distance with him for 7 months, and also I have anxious attachment style whereas he is an avoidance attachment. I feel like this plays a big role in my overthinking and how I see things in our relationship. been in a long distance with him for 7 months, and also I have anxious attachment style whereas he is an avoidance attachment. I feel like this plays a big role in my overthinking and how I see things in our relationship. Is long distance with someone who's avoidant really a good choice for someone who's got an anxious attachment style? Your anxious attachment is obvious. Does he label himself as avoidant, or did you diagnose him yourself? What traits are 'avoidant" (this situation is not one of them!) 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 He’s in a professional environment, and personal life should be kept private in certain work settings, and that includes lovey-dovey stuff where others can overhear you. I’ve been in his situation, in an office where others can overhear my end of a ‘phone conversation and I get a needy boyfriend on the other end of the call demanding to know why I’m not saying “I love you”. Ignorant, self-absorbed, and childish. In fact, I think it may have been the behaviour that made me decide to get rid of him. Have you met your guy in person? Why do you need to call him during his work hours? Why do you expect him to embarrass himself in front of his colleagues, or does that not even occur to you? Why can’t you wait until he gets home to call him? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 1 hour ago, Annie_grace said: I I have been in a long distance with him for 7 months, and also I have anxious attachment style whereas he is an avoidance attachment. I feel like this plays a big role in my overthinking and how I see things in our relationship. been in a long distance with him for 7 months, and also I have anxious attachment style whereas he is an avoidance attachment. I feel like this plays a big role in my overthinking and how I see things in our relationship. ILY’s are important and far too often not said nearly enough IMO. LD or not telling someone you love them would not be deemed unprofessional. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 I’ve never said “I love you” to my husband at work. I would find that too personal, and unprofessional. I don’t know that I’ve heard any of my coworker tell their partner that they love them when they are working and other people are nearby. Honestly, I think you are really overthinking this… 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 It is not very professional to coo "i love you" down the phone in a workplace, no. OP, how often do you see this man in person? Why choose a long-distance avoidant when you know it is completely at odds with your own preferences in relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 I'm on his side. Things like that are private and not workplace appropriate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 (edited) OP, if you understand that you are an anxious attacher you should also understand that it’s just your anxiety speaking here. Your BF did nothing wrong. Saying “I love you” on the phone in a room full of coworkers could be, indeed, awkward for many people. Don’t bother him with such stuff and calm down, nothing bad really happened. Edited June 26 by Gebidozo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 I've literally never heard anyone say that in a professional setting and I would absolutely consider it unprofessional if they did. There are plenty of things that couples say to each other that really shouldn't be said when you're in the same room as a bunch of colleagues. "Can't wait to see you tonight *wink wink*" is one of them. "ILY" is another. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 Sorry hun...it's a choice, and that's his choice. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you any less. Some people are just that way. Link to post Share on other sites
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