ccccdude Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 (edited) I'm away at college and gf is back home in community College. She finally gets to be in the popular crowd at school and a guy that most girls thinks looks good is hanging around her a little too much. I warn her to stay away. Well come to find out she goes to his house (lives with his parents so not a bachelor pad) to work on a school project. Ends up supposedly getting kissed by the guy. She tells me a few days later when I come home that she went over there but nothing happened. I'm obviously mad bc she knew she shouldn't have done that. I find her diary a year later and she writes about going over there to study and then writes BIG MISTAKE beside that. And over the next few days writes she feels bad, sick to her stomach, that she needs to tell me, what will I think, she has to tell me. Well she admits he made a move on her and kissed her quickly on the lips and that was it and she didn't tell me before because she didn't want me to beat up her friend. Does this make sense? I never would have found out except for the diary. Would her writing in secret that she wants to tell me, kind of signal it wasn't intended or longer kiss? I figure if she liked it or it was longer, that she would have just kept it secret, not felt bad and definitely wouldn't WANT to tell me. They stayed friends somewhat but there was never any alone time or anything like that again. And no other guy incidents and we have been very happy. Girls what do you think? Do you think she got too physically close? Is it possible to get kissed without really opening yourself up to it? Guys, would yall attempt this with a pretty girl you really liked without lots of signals or signs? Would you try for the kiss if she wasn't totally opened up for it? Edited June 26 by ccccdude Added info Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 You warned her to stay away from him (controlling) You read her diary (spying). And she was concerned that you'd beat him up (she is concerned that you have violent tendances) Frankly, there are more red flags coming from you than from her. Anyway, I imagine that there was some chemistry before he kissed her, but if it was so brief it means they both realised it was wrong and pulled right back. And the words in her diary are about feeling bad and her regret and worry for you and your relationship. It would be different if she'd written about how magical the kiss was and she was trying to decide between you and him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ccccdude Posted June 26 Author Share Posted June 26 Not knowing fully about me, it's understandable you think I have warning flags. 1. It's my girlfriend, what guy wouldn't want to fight someone that kissed his girl? 2. Being a guy, I know how guys think and the warning was not to get too close bc he might get the wrong idea. GF is naturally friendly. 3. The diary reading was allowed by gf, she just forgot that she had written that stuff in there a year ago Thanks for commentary otherwise. Very helpful. Keep it coming y'all! Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 11 hours ago, ccccdude said: I warn her to stay away. Not cool. This is controlling behavior that will bite you in the butt sooner and harder than you think. You should’ve admitted your insecurities and politely asked her to hang less with that attractive guy. 11 hours ago, ccccdude said: Well she admits he made a move on her and kissed her quickly on the lips and that was it and she didn't tell me before because she didn't want me to beat up her friend. Does this make sense? It makes sense that she is afraid of telling you something that will trigger your violent tendencies, yes. 11 hours ago, ccccdude said: Guys, would yall attempt this with a pretty girl you really liked without lots of signals or signs? Would you try for the kiss if she wasn't totally opened up for it? Even if I were single, I wouldn’t attempt this with a girl who isn’t single. That guy might be just kissing everyone without distinction, who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 (edited) 12 hours ago, ccccdude said: I find her diary a year later and she writes about going over there to study and then writes BIG MISTAKE beside that. And over the next few days writes she feels bad, sick to her stomach, that she needs to tell me, what will I think, she has to tell me. This sounds like more than a supposedly unreciprocated kiss. Edited June 26 by introverted1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 (edited) I think she handled it well. It was a small unprovoked incident, and dealt with it accordingly. Don't be $%^& shaming a woman because some doofus took advantage of her. It's unfortunate us women always seem to never be safe from sexual assault/harassment all our lives since we are like around 10 years old. You are a guy and will never understand what we deal with on a daily basis. The one thing we learn, is that most of the time we get blamed for it....it's always our fault...and look at you....already blaming her, saying she was careless, etc. So I don't blame her for not saying anything. She did what she knew was best, and nothing has happened since. So it's a closed case. It's time to let this go. If you do ever talk to her about it, show some damn empathy as to what she went through. Edited June 26 by smackie9 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 (edited) 6 minutes ago, smackie9 said: I think she handled it well. It was a small unprovoked incident, and dealt with it accordingly. Don't be $%^& shaming a woman because some doofus took advantage of her. It's unfortunate us women always seem to never be safe from sexual assault/harassment all our lives since we are like around 10 years old. You are a guy and will never understand that. The one thing we learn, is that we most of the time get blamed for it....it's always our fault...and look at you....already blaming her, saying she was careless, etc. She did what she knew was best, and nothing has happened since. So it's a closed case. It's time to let this go. As a man, I find it really shameful that so many guys keep blaming their ladies for something some other guy did. It’s just raging insecurity lashing out. Edited June 26 by Gebidozo 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 7 hours ago, ccccdude said: 1. It's my girlfriend, what guy wouldn't want to fight someone that kissed his girl? Guys who have graduated from the sandbox. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ccccdude Posted June 26 Author Share Posted June 26 (edited) 29 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Guys who have graduated from the sandbox. Oh my what a pansy gay answer! Girls love it when you fight or them and if you don't you're weak. If you can't answer the freaking real question keep your trap shut loser. And for those of you crying about blaming the girl, I never blamed her, although if you don't put yourself in situations where temptation can happen you can stay true to your commitments and not create any doubt. How is that fair to anyone's significant other? Edited June 26 by ccccdude Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 (edited) 2 hours ago, ccccdude said: Oh my what a pansy gay answer! Girls love it when you fight or them and if you don't you're weak. If you can't answer the freaking real question keep your trap shut loser. And for those of you crying about blaming the girl, I never blamed her, although if you don't put yourself in situations where temptation can happen you can stay true to your commitments and not create any doubt. How is that fair to anyone's significant other? Homophobic slurs, a personal attack and you're mansplaining what women want all in one post??? I'm also a woman and am with @ExpatInItaly . A guy who's inner neanderthal comes out when they want to guard their territory is not attractive to me at all. I do not want the kind of guy who can end up with a criminal record for assault Personally, I like a guy who's good with words rather than fists. You do not get to speak for all women Edited June 26 by basil67 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 26 Share Posted June 26 OP you are posting with adults here, not high schoolers. Most of the people you're communicating with here have matured from the macho posturing stuff. Being a macho controlling type eventually makes most women worth having hate you and decide to leave. Calling things pansy and gay is for douchebags. Once you're actually an adult and charged with crimes like one, fistfights over women lead to arrest records and all the wonderful things that come with that, like jail time and never being able to land a decent job. Eventually you'll grow up, at least I hope you do - and that's for your sake. None of us answering your question here will be any the worse for however your life turns outs. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 10 hours ago, ccccdude said: Oh my what a pansy gay answer! Girls love it when you fight or them and if you don't you're weak. If you can't answer the freaking real question keep your trap shut loser. And for those of you crying about blaming the girl, I never blamed her, although if you don't put yourself in situations where temptation can happen you can stay true to your commitments and not create any doubt. How is that fair to anyone's significant other? I am a woman. I don't love it. Your response here reflects your overall immaturity, so I am not going to bother with a further response. You're not ready for an adult conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 11 hours ago, ccccdude said: Oh my what a pansy gay answer! Girls love it when you fight or them and if you don't you're weak. If you can't answer the freaking real question keep your trap shut loser. And for those of you crying about blaming the girl, I never blamed her, although if you don't put yourself in situations where temptation can happen you can stay true to your commitments and not create any doubt. How is that fair to anyone's significant other? Well this was convenient. OP told us everything we need to know about himself with this one. The answer you seek is "grow up" Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 12 hours ago, ccccdude said: Oh my what a pansy gay answer! Girls love it when you fight or them and if you don't you're weak. If you can't answer the freaking real question keep your trap shut loser. And for those of you crying about blaming the girl, I never blamed her, although if you don't put yourself in situations where temptation can happen you can stay true to your commitments and not create any doubt. How is that fair to anyone's significant other? OP, this is not a high school forum for recently pubescent insecure bullies. If you want to understand how to deal with grown up problems, start acting like a grown up person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 17 hours ago, ccccdude said: Oh my what a pansy gay answer! Girls love it when you fight or them and if you don't you're weak. If you can't answer the freaking real question keep your trap shut loser. You'll do well here. 😁 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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