New here, my boyfriend left me for reasons I cannot understand

[Coffeelove620]

On 6/29/2024 at 10:50 AM, NuevoYorko said:

OP:  Why would you choose to be with a man who would go to such lengths to figure out how to break up with you?

Also, why would you choose to be with a man who is unable to function because of his mental illnesses, and knows it?

I'm not getting this.

 

Well we all have our own issues.  I know nobody is perfect but I chose to be with him because of who he is.  He is respectful, kind, and very supportive.  Id like to think he's not lying because we have a strong emotional connection through opening up to one another.  

[NuevoYorko]

11 minutes ago, Coffeelove620 said:

Well we all have our own issues.  I know nobody is perfect but I chose to be with him because of who he is.  He is respectful, kind, and very supportive.  Id like to think he's not lying because we have a strong emotional connection through opening up to one another.  

Ok.  I don't see how  throwing yourself at someone who has made it very clear in straight up melodramatic way that they don't want to be with you anymore  is going to get you anywhere, but have at it.

[Gebidozo]

55 minutes ago, Coffeelove620 said:

Well we all have our own issues.  I know nobody is perfect but I chose to be with him because of who he is.  He is respectful, kind, and very supportive.  Id like to think he's not lying because we have a strong emotional connection through opening up to one another.  

I understand you chose to be with him, but he chose to break up with you. 

It doesn’t matter whether he was lying or not. For what it’s worth, I don’t think he was lying. I think he really realized that he couldn’t be in a serious relationship while being in the terrible mental shape he was in. I do believe that he had deep feelings for you and was genuinely sad and devastated when he broke up with you.

But that doesn’t change the fact that he has made his choice. Or the fact that he really is in no shape to be in a relationship.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Coffeelove620 said:

Well we all have our own issues.  I know nobody is perfect but I chose to be with him because of who he is. 

But from what he wrote, it sounds like he's been hiding who he really is from you out of respect.  But the fakery is wearing him out and he can't do it anymore.  

I daresay you really don't know who he really is. 

[stillafool]

On 6/27/2024 at 11:59 PM, Coffeelove620 said:

He wasn't really into me and he was single for a long time. 

I think this is it right here.  He never was really into you but apparently got stuck in this relationship.  Now he's made up this elaborate excuse to get away from you.  Don't beg him not to break up, let him go and find a man who actually wants you.  This one doesn't.

[Whyme_]

My very recent possible ex have been together 4 years. He has PPD and I feel NPD. I became a codependent this is not something you want to become.
 

This guy knows he needs to continue his treatment and I’m sure his therapist is recommending you part ways for now because you are triggering him in some way. You most definitely should not be listening in on him speaking to his therapist that is extremely personal. His therapist should not speak to you because they have a developed relationship. If the therapist felt you two had a strong bond they would recommend family therapy and you to also see a therapist. This guy knows what he needs to do for his mental health please accept that. You attempting to fix this you will lose his respect you’ll seem desperate and this is why the therapist is recommending you part ways. You are showing signs of being anxiously attached and you keep pushing him for an answer you’ll see the side of him he’s warning you about. Thy can not control themselves if the switch is flipped, I’m going to bet he’s been in a situation he’s put his hands on someone impulsively and that’s why he started seeing a therapist to start with.

[Coffeelove620]

On 7/1/2024 at 3:03 PM, Gebidozo said:

I understand you chose to be with him, but he chose to break up with you. 

It doesn’t matter whether he was lying or not. For what it’s worth, I don’t think he was lying. I think he really realized that he couldn’t be in a serious relationship while being in the terrible mental shape he was in. I do believe that he had deep feelings for you and was genuinely sad and devastated when he broke up with you.

But that doesn’t change the fact that he has made his choice. Or the fact that he really is in no shape to be in a relationship.

I think you are right, we decided to separate for now until he gets better.  He said don't wait for him because he feels it's unfair but should I be available when he's better, he'll contact me again.

[Coffeelove620]

On 7/2/2024 at 2:14 PM, Whyme_ said:

My very recent possible ex have been together 4 years. He has PPD and I feel NPD. I became a codependent this is not something you want to become.
 

This guy knows he needs to continue his treatment and I’m sure his therapist is recommending you part ways for now because you are triggering him in some way. You most definitely should not be listening in on him speaking to his therapist that is extremely personal. His therapist should not speak to you because they have a developed relationship. If the therapist felt you two had a strong bond they would recommend family therapy and you to also see a therapist. This guy knows what he needs to do for his mental health please accept that. You attempting to fix this you will lose his respect you’ll seem desperate and this is why the therapist is recommending you part ways. You are showing signs of being anxiously attached and you keep pushing him for an answer you’ll see the side of him he’s warning you about. Thy can not control themselves if the switch is flipped, I’m going to bet he’s been in a situation he’s put his hands on someone impulsively and that’s why he started seeing a therapist to start with.

I did heavy research on the topic and it seems to fit what he is describing.  I'm saddened but at the same time I'm glad he came to terms with his behavior and is looking to fix it

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, Coffeelove620 said:

I think you are right, we decided to separate for now until he gets better.  He said don't wait for him because he feels it's unfair but should I be available when he's better, he'll contact me again.

Spoiler alert, he’s not going to contact you again. Or at least he won’t contact you to get back together. If he’s NPD he’ll take pride in you still wanting to be with him even after he’s told you how terrible a person he is. It’s called narcissistic supply. Of course people admire him; his whole reason for being is to be adored by others. But he actually doesn’t care about anyone. Guaranteed when you move out another woman will take your place, but he’ll make sure you stay hooked as well. The more women he has on the string the better he feels. 

[Whyme_]

On 7/3/2024 at 6:46 AM, Weezy1973 said:

Spoiler alert, he’s not going to contact you again. Or at least he won’t contact you to get back together. If he’s NPD he’ll take pride in you still wanting to be with him even after he’s told you how terrible a person he is. It’s called narcissistic supply. Of course people admire him; his whole reason for being is to be adored by others. But he actually doesn’t care about anyone. Guaranteed when you move out another woman will take your place, but he’ll make sure you stay hooked as well. The more women he has on the string the better he feels. 

Spoiler alert BPD and NPD are similar, you don’t know he won’t contact her down the road for a relationship and be genuine. Why is it that anytime a man decides to step away from a relationship they have NPD? Are you his therapist? Do you personally know him? Only 1 side to this story is being told. He could also struggle with addiction that he’s hiding and addicted individuals are also accused of being NPD. 

[Gaeta]

17 minutes ago, Whyme_ said:

Spoiler alert BPD and NPD are similar, you don’t know he won’t contact her down the road for a relationship and be genuine. Why is it that anytime a man decides to step away from a relationship they have NPD? Are you his therapist? Do you personally know him? Only 1 side to this story is being told. He could also struggle with addiction that he’s hiding and addicted individuals are also accused of being 

 It is well known * don''t wait for me* means it's over for him and he's just letting her down gently. He will not contact her again, npd or not. 

[Gebidozo]

21 hours ago, Gaeta said:

 It is well known * don''t wait for me* means it's over for him and he's just letting her down gently. He will not contact her again, npd or not. 

Agreed, “don’t wait for me” means “I won’t wait for you”.