Goodguy05 Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 (edited) This lady I matched with on Tinder has mentioned how she connected with some army guy on FB in response to me responding to her about fakes on tinder saying I was the real deal and that she'd connected with someone genuine being me. She goes on to share with me that there wasn't any connection with him. I donno kind of took the vibe down a notch for me a bit of a turn off talking about other guys she'd talked to. Why do some woman do this? Am I overthinking it? She also mentioned that she hopes people take notice of her written intro after I mentioned that I liked her intro and new photos she added. For context we have only talked briefly over a few days. Edited June 27 by Goodguy05 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 22 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: This lady I matched with on Tinder has mentioned how she connected with some army guy on FB in response to me responding to her about fakes on tinder saying I was the real deal and that she'd connected with someone genuine being me. She goes on to share with me that there wasn't any connection with him. I donno kind of took the vibe down a notch for me a bit of a turn off talking about other guys she'd talked to. Why do some woman do this? Am I overthinking it? She also mentioned that she hopes people take notice of her written intro after I mentioned that I liked her intro and new photos she added. For context we have only talked briefly over a few days. I think you can look at this two ways 1: She wants lots of attention and likes to emphasize that 2: She had had bad experiences on Tinder hence the sharing of guys she has talked to. Perhaps cynically Tinder is much like a market place. If you have some degree of attraction you can do very well on Tinder and well even if you do not its still possible to get matches and if you are that way inclined you could date multiple people at once. I agree with you, I find people talking about other potential dates rather off putting. My advice: keep looking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 She is just sharing her experience with online dating. It's not like she's telling you a story about making out with this guy etc. I get FB messages from widowed militaries all the time, it's a known scam. She probably did not realize it right away. And she mentioned a few guys she talked to, that's past tense right, so she's just sharing her experience so far. Most men I met for coffee shared with me their online experience, especially the people new to online dating, it's pretty shocking for the newbies. You've talked for a few days now it time to meet over coffee. Did you ask her what she's looking for online? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 27 Author Share Posted June 27 8 minutes ago, Gaeta said: She is just sharing her experience with online dating. It's not like she's telling you a story about making out with this guy etc. I get FB messages from widowed militaries all the time, it's a known scam. She probably did not realize it right away. And she mentioned a few guys she talked to, that's past tense right, so she's just sharing her experience so far. Most men I met for coffee shared with me their online experience, especially the people new to online dating, it's pretty shocking for the newbies. You've talked for a few days now it time to meet over coffee. Did you ask her what she's looking for online? No not yet will sleep on it see how I feel tommorrow she turned me off a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 1 minute ago, Goodguy05 said: No not yet will sleep on it see how I feel tommorrow she turned me off a bit. I would agree with you, especially if she offered no other conversation and got stuck on talking about OLD. Maybe meet and see in person how the conversation goes, perhaps the benefit of the doubt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 5 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: No not yet will sleep on it see how I feel tommorrow she turned me off a bit. Can you explain better what turned you off? Maybe if you gave us examples of what she was saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 27 Author Share Posted June 27 14 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: I would agree with you, especially if she offered no other conversation and got stuck on talking about OLD. Maybe meet and see in person how the conversation goes, perhaps the benefit of the doubt. Good idea thanks for the suggestion Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 You must remember many people have a very difficult time on OLD so perhaps her talking about it can also add context to the conversation where it becomes a big no or me if someone harps on and on about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 5 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: You must remember many people have a very difficult time on OLD Agreed. No one is perfect and I am sure I have said a couple of things, while online dating, that had men raise an eyebrow once in a while. @Goodguy05 Is it possible you don't really like her and you're looking for a reason to drop her? Because mentioning she's spoken to a few men online and it did not click is hardly a reason to be turned off. I am still waiting to read what exactly she said. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Agreed. No one is perfect and I am sure I have said a couple of things, while online dating, that had men raise an eyebrow once in a while. @Goodguy05 Is it possible you don't really like her and you're looking for a reason to drop her? Because mentioning she's spoken to a few men online and it did not click is hardly a reason to be turned off. I am still waiting to read what exactly she said. Yea its a difficult balancing act, when I did OLD I made an effort to not put much of a negative spin on it when on dates because inevitably when meeting someone from a dating app the conversation can for a time drift to that app and experiences on that app. In fact for me it was always a red flag if this was not mentioned briefly in conversation. OP I reckon go and meet her unless there is some other reason you do not want to meet. If there are some common interests and the rest of the conversation is good, there is no reason not to meet, unless you are not that interested? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 27 Author Share Posted June 27 No I really liked her if I didn't like her it wouldn't have had that affect on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 13 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: No I really liked her if I didn't like her it wouldn't have had that affect on me. I am sorry for insisting but can you give us example of what she said? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 I've never online dated, but I know in my experience with dating from meeting IRL that at the beginning it's not uncommon to talk about other dating and relationship experiences. Saying she had no connection with the Army guy might have just been her way of expressing that though online dating could be difficult, she was pleased to feel a connection with you because she didn't feel a connection with just anybody. Unless she continues talking about other guys as you get to know each other, I wouldn't place too much importance on this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 Well everyone has a past, and experiences with the opposite sex...and it will come up in conversations from time to time...you seem to already have an issue with this from a simple discussion because the focus was on someone else in that moment...and that's a problem. Retroactive jealousy ish lets say. You didn't need to hear it, disliked it, when in realty it was quite harmless. She didn't do anything trashy, or discussed her sexapades, etc. I'm not dissing your feelings, but maybe review them, and selectively turn to a more positive POV about the person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 27 Share Posted June 27 11 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: This lady I matched with on Tinder has mentioned how she connected with some army guy on FB in response to me responding to her about fakes on tinder saying I was the real deal and that she'd connected with someone genuine being me. She goes on to share with me that there wasn't any connection with him. I donno kind of took the vibe down a notch for me a bit of a turn off talking about other guys she'd talked to. Why do some woman do this? Am I overthinking it? She also mentioned that she hopes people take notice of her written intro after I mentioned that I liked her intro and new photos she added. For context we have only talked briefly over a few days. I can't see anything wrong with what she said....she was just sharing an experience in response to a conversation you were having. On the other hand, don't go telling women that you're genuine or the real deal because at best, it sounds like you are socially unaware, and at worst makes you sound like a scammer. If I were dating and a guy said this to me, all my spidey senses would trigger Genuine guys show they are genuine by simply being good guys. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SEASON_WINTER Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 if she is not making negative comments about other guys and just sharing a few short, neutral remarks, I think that's perfectly fine. I’ve met some guys for coffee dates—one was very critical about the women he had met, while others kept things much more quiet. I appreciate those who stay positive and respectful in their comments. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 28 Author Share Posted June 28 2 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said: if she is not making negative comments about other guys and just sharing a few short, neutral remarks, I think that's perfectly fine. I’ve met some guys for coffee dates—one was very critical about the women he had met, while others kept things much more quiet. I appreciate those who stay positive and respectful in their comments. She continues to talk about online dating I messaged her acknowledged online dating can be hard and tried to steer the conversation away from online dating by saying let's hope we can have a good conversation here . She responds by saying she's noticed people on here are lonely and seem to just wanna chat and she hopes she can prove her friend wrong. So I just told her she seems to have a fixation on online dating and seems strange shes talking about other people rather than with me. I hate beating around the bush tell em straight what I think Link to post Share on other sites
SEASON_WINTER Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 34 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: She continues to talk about online dating I messaged her acknowledged online dating can be hard and tried to steer the conversation away from online dating by saying let's hope we can have a good conversation here . She responds by saying she's noticed people on here are lonely and seem to just wanna chat and she hopes she can prove her friend wrong. So I just told her she seems to have a fixation on online dating and seems strange shes talking about other people rather than with me. I hate beating around the bush tell em straight what I think Guess you have to trust your gut feelings about this connection. You will know what to do next. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 8 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: She continues to talk about online dating I messaged her acknowledged online dating can be hard and tried to steer the conversation away from online dating by saying let's hope we can have a good conversation here . She responds by saying she's noticed people on here are lonely and seem to just wanna chat and she hopes she can prove her friend wrong. So I just told her she seems to have a fixation on online dating and seems strange shes talking about other people rather than with me. I hate beating around the bush tell em straight what I think I'd move on to be honest, personally this sort of conversation tells me she is simply trying to prove her friend wrong rather than make a connection of any sort. It does not sound like she has any interest in you at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 13 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: So I just told her she seems to have a fixation on online dating and seems strange shes talking about other people rather than with me. What was her reaction/response? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 (edited) Stop being a baby and just ask her out. I mean, if you're not asking her out she may feel like she's not on your radar. Believe it or not telling her about someone that is real but wasn't a connection may be her way of trying to build rapport. All it takes is one line like, "I'd love to see what kind of connection YOU and I can build." If you go out of your way to say you're concerned that talking about other dudes is a turn off...err. Does she even know you care about what she talks about?! If she's interested in you and you dodge a date, this gal is going to be like "alright, NEXT" and take advantage of her OTHER matches with men that are asking her out. Edited June 28 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 28 Author Share Posted June 28 9 hours ago, ZA Dater said: I'd move on to be honest, personally this sort of conversation tells me she is simply trying to prove her friend wrong rather than make a connection of any sort. It does not sound like she has any interest in you at all. Yes that's exactly how it feels mate... nailed it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 28 Author Share Posted June 28 2 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Stop being a baby and just ask her out. I mean, if you're not asking her out she may feel like she's not on your radar. Believe it or not telling her about someone that is real but wasn't a connection may be her way of trying to build rapport. All it takes is one line like, "I'd love to see what kind of connection YOU and I can build." If you go out of your way to say you're concerned that talking about other dudes is a turn off...err. Does she even know you care about what she talks about?! If she's interested in you and you dodge a date, this gal is going to be like "alright, NEXT" and take advantage of her OTHER matches with men that are asking her out. They can have her lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: They can have her lol. Well. Guess it's back to escorts then? I mean, you have no issue with that but a woman mentions casually about her online dating experiences and you're bent out of shape. Alright then. Edited June 28 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodguy05 Posted June 28 Author Share Posted June 28 (edited) 35 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Well. Guess it's back to escorts then? I mean, you have no issue with that but a woman mentions casually about her online dating experiences and you're bent out of shape. Alright then. Sorry if I seemed to have hit a sore spot with you Alpacalla. It appears you have an issue more so with me than about any advice. Edited June 28 by Goodguy05 Link to post Share on other sites
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