Angel29 Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 My boyfriend started a You Tube channel up to talk about his hobby. One day I went to a book shop and bought some toy catalogues. He had bought 1 before and mentioned he wanted some more to take photos of and make a video of. I spent ages going through them to get the right ones and spent £12. When I gave them to him he was so happy and said he would be using them for his videos. The other day he went to the auction to sell some stuff. He said he took those books by accident and some bloke he knows at the auction was hounding him to sell them as he wanted them. He ended up selling them for £15. I said did you use them and he said he took photos of a few of the books as he had not had chance to finish taking photos. I was so annoyed I wasted my time and money. Plus those books could have sold for at least £10-£15 each as they were that price elsewhere and sold for that, he was ripped off. Why was he so ruthless? I won't ever buy him anything again. No respect for my time, effort or money. I feel he did not appreciated what I did for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 8 minutes ago, Angel29 said: Why was he so ruthless? I won't ever buy him anything again. No respect for my time, effort or money. I feel he did not appreciated what I did for him. I'm so sorry you went to all that effort to buy him a gift which he didn't appreciate. He certainly shouldn't have sold it in such a manner - that was very thoughtless of him. I understand why you are so hurt. Now I wouldn't normally go down this path of honesty, but you opened the door by asking why he's so ruthless: As I'm ruthless and I also have a ruthless daughter, I will be frank: We ruthless people have little connection to things we don't want or no longer have value to us. The thing he's done wrong is that he didn't pretend to value it for a while before getting rid of it. When my daughter was young, she'd always be going through her toybox getting rid of toys which she no longer wanted. And sometimes I'd find a recent gift from a family member in her "trash/Goodwill' pile and I'd tell her to put it back for at least another six months and pretend she likes it before getting rid of it. And I did hang on to the 1980's tea set my grandmother left me for far too long before sending it to Goodwill <----This is the lesson your boyfriend didn't get. You gotta pretend to value the thing before eventually getting rid of it. There are also those love languages, and giving/receiving gifts are one of them. Giving thoughtful gifts is clearly one of your love languages and it's such a lovely thing for you to do. But perhaps gifts are not part of his love language, and if this is the case, then you are smart to stop buying him gifts. And when it's birthday or Xmas, perhaps engage with him and find him something he does want. This is what I do with my ruthless daughter because she complains about Christmas being an exchange of stuff destined for landfill. All this said, you've got a number of complaints about this guy. Are you really happy in the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 19 hours ago, Angel29 said: My boyfriend started a You Tube channel up to talk about his hobby. One day I went to a book shop and bought some toy catalogues. He had bought 1 before and mentioned he wanted some more to take photos of and make a video of. I spent ages going through them to get the right ones and spent £12. When I gave them to him he was so happy and said he would be using them for his videos. The other day he went to the auction to sell some stuff. He said he took those books by accident and some bloke he knows at the auction was hounding him to sell them as he wanted them. He ended up selling them for £15. I said did you use them and he said he took photos of a few of the books as he had not had chance to finish taking photos. I was so annoyed I wasted my time and money. Plus those books could have sold for at least £10-£15 each as they were that price elsewhere and sold for that, he was ripped off. Why was he so ruthless? I won't ever buy him anything again. No respect for my time, effort or money. I feel he did not appreciated what I did for him. My comment is in life its amazing how things like this hurt as much as they do. I get your position as I have experienced this in another facet of life and a lack of appreciation is never a good quality and the manner he handled this was in my opinion very poor especially because you put in the effort. Communicate your feelings to him, that is the best advice I can give you. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 (edited) On 6/30/2024 at 8:52 AM, Angel29 said: One day I went to a book shop and bought some toy catalogues. I spent ages going through them to get the right ones and spent £12. I was so annoyed I wasted my time and money. Why was he so ruthless? I won't ever buy him anything again. No respect for my time, effort or money. I feel he did not appreciated what I did for him. With all due respect, it's $12. That's less than the cost of a cheap meal. I'm not sure what your ages are or if there's any emotional significance here (like if the catalogue was related to your first date in some way etc), but most people don't spend THAT much time picking out a $12 catalogue and there's normally no big significance attached to catalogues, so isn't it possible that he doesn't know what it meant to you? As for "wasting your time and money"... again, it's $12, and the decision to spend that much time going through stuff to pick out a $12 catalogue is yours and yours alone. I don't think it's fair for you to expect him to attribute as much importance to this as you do, especially when you didn't communicate this to him. In the grand scheme of things, most of us have bought $12 items on a whim for a partner who didn't end up using them, and it's not a big deal to many of us. If it's that important to you, you should tell him that at the start. Edited July 1 by Els 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 I see it as a little bit of a disconnect...it's true he didn't see the true value of the items you bought. Your efforts were unrecognized, not taken as thoughtful. It happens, that we didn't understand what thing or gesture really means to them. I bought somethings for my husband, only to either return them or they end up in the bottom of drawer, or thrown out. What you do is learn from from it. Anything to do with his hobby, don't bother buying anything. What you do is watch/participate/talk about his hobby instead. Learn more about him. Tip: When I see something that I think my husband might like, I will text it to him, and wait for his reaction. I think that's a more of a fair way to deal with it. I assure you the disconnect isn't on purpose, it's just something that happens from time to time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 11 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Tip: When I see something that I think my husband might like, I will text it to him, and wait for his reaction. I think that's a more of a fair way to deal with it. I assure you the disconnect isn't on purpose, it's just something that happens from time to time. Same here. I have about a 50% hit rate 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 46 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Tip: When I see something that I think my husband might like, I will text it to him, and wait for his reaction. Another who does this with my partner. It’s good advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts