NotVowed Posted June 30, 2024 Share Posted June 30, 2024 (edited) A man has a nine-year affair with a mistress whom he claims to love. They are unable to be together since divorce in their country has not approved yet. He tells the mistress he hasn't slept with his wife for months, which she believes. The wife eventually learns of the affair and loses more interest in him. The man comforts the mistress, who feels guilty for causing pain and breaking up the family. With their long distance relationship, they only meet four times a year. One day, the mistress asks if he slept with his wife during their nine years together. The man admits to his miatress he did slept with his wife previous year, citing legal obligation. This devastates the mistress, who feels betrayed and questions his love for her. The mistress said " how could a man loved her while f***ing his wife", the revelation starts to shakes their so thought strong relationship and questioned if the mistress would do the same thing as revenge or remain faithful after all the cheating. Edited June 30, 2024 by NotVowed Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted June 30, 2024 Share Posted June 30, 2024 He is the one who cheated on his wife for nine years, asking if the mistress would or should cheat on the cheater? That's rich. Regardless of his legal obligations, he broke his vow of fidelity to his wife and lied to the mistress. I realize these dynamics are complicated but the relationship is built on nothing but lying and cheating by both of them. The mistress should have never entered into a relationship with a married man, let alone carry on for nine years. Cheating is never justified and the mistress should not stoop to his level. It is not fair to the wife, who has been betrayed and manipulated by her husband and now may have to face the added pain of the mistress seeking revenge. The mistress should focus on her own healing and breaking free from this toxic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 30, 2024 Share Posted June 30, 2024 I don’t understand the whole concept of “betraying a mistress”. Having a mistress is already a betrayal, the relationship with the mistress is based on a lie and therefore any idea of a “betrayal” within that relationship is superfluous. I can’t agree with the premise that 1 hour ago, NotVowed said: the revelation starts to shakes their so thought strong relationship and questioned if the mistress would do the same thing as revenge or remain faithful after all the cheating. because it’s impossible to classify the relationship with a mistress as “strong”. It can’t be strong, because it’s based on deceit and dishonesty. Should the mistress “remain faithful”? Faithful to whom? The concept of fidelity cannot be applied to this relationship, because the affair partner, being himself unfaithful to his wife, cannot claim it from his mistress. Should the mistress “do the same thing”? What same thing? Sleep with her husband? Is the mistress herself married? Or sleep with another man? I don’t see any problem in that, except it shouldn’t be done as revenge, and only after the mistress breaks up with her affair partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 30, 2024 Share Posted June 30, 2024 (edited) The idea than a married man has an obligation to not have sex with his wife to honor an agreement with a woman not his wife is ridiculous, Absolutely preposterous. And yes, the man might lie to the mistress about having sex with his wife. But the entire affair is based on a life. Edited June 30, 2024 by Lotsgoingon 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 30, 2024 Share Posted June 30, 2024 (edited) People can certainly have (and enjoy) sex without strong love. There are some folks in the world who can't see how this can be so, but it's actually quite common, e.g. the whole "friends with benefits" approach, among others. Whether that was/would have been the case specifically for the people you mention (the man and his wife) is of course anyone's guess. The "legal obligation" claim sounds strange, but I suppose there are many odd laws governing romantic/sexual behavior if one goes looking. From what I understand it's not overly uncommon for a mistress or OM to feel "cheated on" if their AP beds another, and sometimes other forms of "romantic jealousy", despite the apparent absurdity. As well all know emotions are not always "rational". It is odd how the original post is written in 3rd person. OP, are you one of the people involved? Edited June 30, 2024 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted June 30, 2024 Share Posted June 30, 2024 Being as you haven’t identified which party you are in this scenario I won’t hold back 😊. The mistress has got some nerve expecting fidelity from someone else’s husband. The husband is a lying, cheating grub. The wife is a very unfortunate woman. The mystery is why the mistress would stick around for a decade when all she gets are crumbs, a meetup four times a year isn’t a relationship, it’s a very foolish and gullible woman allowing herself to be used for sex four times a year. The mistress needs to wake up and get a life instead of pandering to some sleazy creep who treats her like a sex worker. As for the ‘revenge’ horses**t - all I can say to that is 🤣🤣🤣, because if the mistress really believes that this guy doesn’t sleep with his wife, (and probably other women), she’s seriously deluded. Why can’t she find her own husband instead of chasing someone else’s? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 1, 2024 Share Posted July 1, 2024 8 hours ago, NotVowed said: This devastates the mistress, who feels betrayed and questions his love for her The mistress in this situation is a fool for being in this situation. Of course he's still having sex with his wife, and I doubt it's just once a year 'obligation sex'. And I can't imagine any modern country making a law saying that a spouse MUST have sex even if they don't want to. She's even a bigger fool for expecting the guy to be faithful to her when he's married to someone else. The wife is the only person who has the right to expect him to be faithful 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 1, 2024 Share Posted July 1, 2024 40 minutes ago, basil67 said: And I can't imagine any modern country making a law saying that a spouse MUST have sex even if they don't want to. Actually, I can imagine countries who have patriarchal laws saying the wife must have sex. But not the husband...no way this is true Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 1, 2024 Share Posted July 1, 2024 (edited) 13 minutes ago, basil67 said: Actually, I can imagine countries who have patriarchal laws saying the wife must have sex. But not the husband...no way this is true It’s probably not true in this case, but in Judaism and Islam there are, in fact, strict laws proscribing that the husband must regularly have sex with the wife. One of the legal grounds for a woman to divorce her husband in the Islamic Shari’ah codex is lack of sex. Edited July 1, 2024 by Gebidozo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 1, 2024 Share Posted July 1, 2024 3 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: It’s probably not true in this case, but in Judaism and Islam there are, in fact, strict laws proscribing that the husband must regularly have sex with the wife. One of the legal grounds for a woman to divorce her husband in the Islamic Shari’ah codex is lack of sex. There are various interpretations and viewpoints within Islam regarding sexual obligations between husband and wife. Some scholars and religious authorities do hold the belief that the husband is religiously obligated to have regular sexual relations with his wife, and that lack of fulfilling this obligation could potentially be grounds for divorce. There is much discussion of husbands having sex with other women in the Islamic section of Lovefraud. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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