Hannah1604545353 Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 I am in a relationship long-distance and he is 34 and I am 29, i’ve known him since we were a child and we grew up together during our holidays. When I grow older, I started a relationship with him as we go back in contact around the age of 24. Things however did not work out because I was not at the right stage to have a serious relationship at the time but I truly loved him. I was more focused on trying to have fun and going out and he was a bit too serious at the time. We always stayed in contact but we never got back together until recently we both decided to take the plunge and be together. I truly love him but I’m finding it hard being in a long distance relationship and he has a more hectic life compared to me, he’s not available all the time for me, but I understand he wants to pursue his passions and I don’t want to stop him and be negative about it, I just want to be able to communicate that I would like a healthier balance in the relationship and more time with me, but I also understand at the same time he is busy with work I am also just unsure on how to go about with this and would like somebody else’s perspective on this type of relationship. I truly love him and I really want to make it work so what do you suggest I should do? I am also a person who enjoys stability and security now and I do not like to travel all over the world. He has the freedom to do that and his job does take him everywhere around the world last minute if so and I also would just like to know the plans for the future and I know that he is serious about me Please can you just give me an insight on relationships which you know are like this so that I can just understand what is the best way to move forward . Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 The obvious answer is to close the distance. But even if you lived with him, would you be OK with him needing to travel at a moment's notice? Have you talked to him about how you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 For me it would hinge on whether or not you want a family in the future, and also on what type of work takes him all over the world. If he’s, for example, a soldier, or a journalist, or some type of expert that’s needed, like medical or tech, I’d take his “passion” seriously and support it, but if it’s something frivolous, (anything to do with social media, like for example an influencer who does travel blogs), I’d accept that his ego will always be more important than his partner and I’d rethink my commitment to that type of person. You’re at the age where you’ll be wanting to make decisions about things like whether you want children, etc, and a relationship with someone who’s rarely there can be very lonely, so you need to weigh up the realities versus what you’re wishing for. If you don’t like the idea of seeing the world are you really the right person for him and vice versa? This is a significant clash of lifestyles and values. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 1 hour ago, Hannah1604545353 said: I am also a person who enjoys stability and security now and I do not like to travel all over the world. He has the freedom to do that and his job does take him everywhere around the world last minute I would say that you are fundamentally incompatible. I don’t see this working very well as there are significant differences in personality and lifestyle. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 (edited) How long have you spent together in person? Does he have a home base near you at all (e.g. pilot, air steward, frequent business traveler, etc) or is he an actual nomad whose home base changes frequently (e.g. travel writer, digital nomad who works remotely, etc)? I wouldn't judge either way - to me, all legal jobs that allow a person to be self-sufficient are equal - but it's important to understand the difference in terms of long-term outcome. Air stewards and pilots can and do often maintain LTRs and marriages with a partner who lives in their home base if the partner is fine with them being away often, but nomads typically are only compatible with other nomads who enjoy living in different places each year. Essentially, I agree with @BaileyB this sounds like a fundamental incompatibility. There's nothing wrong with what he wants and nothing wrong with what you want, but if you can't find a viable compromise then you probably just have to accept that it's best to go your separate ways. Edited July 3 by Els Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hannah1604545353 Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 Thank you for these replies. I do see him often, as i get to go to where he is. He is mainly based in Paris and i am based in Germany, I want to understand what you think is a healthy balance of seeing and meeting with each other. He’s not an influencer he is in business, so it does take him a lot of different places. I think eventually i would live at his home base, i guess that would be better- but he still would be travelling a lot. But i am quite an independent person at the same time. I enjoy my space. What is a healthy balance in a relationship of seeing each other and spending time with each other? Do you see this as an issue? Thank you guys! Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 50 minutes ago, Hannah1604545353 said: What is a healthy balance in a relationship of seeing each other and spending time with each other? Do you see this as an issue? Whatever works for you. If you think you'd be happy if you were living at his home-base there's no real problem. As far as how much time to spend together, if it was me I'd probably expect to see the person fairly regularly, most nights at home and not too many 'working late' scenarios, but other people might be content with less. Have you considered how your lack of interest in seeing the world may impact the relationship long-term? Is it a potential issue further down the track? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 I agree with Bailey. You two are highly incompatible. It doesn't matter what our idea of a healthy balance is in a relationship because we aren't you. What is your idea of a healthy balance that would make you happy? Yes I do see your situation as an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 14 hours ago, Hannah1604545353 said: What is a healthy balance in a relationship of seeing each other and spending time with each other? It really depends on the person. For example, I place high value in being around for each other, so being with someone who needed to travel a lot wouldn't work for me. Particularly when we had young children What do you think YOU need? Link to post Share on other sites
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